I 41F was hurt when my husband 42M completely left me out of his bio for an article published about him.

Jonathan Hours
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In a cozy home studio, the strum of an acoustic guitar once echoed dreams reignited by love. A 41-year-old woman, heart full of pride, watched her husband transform from a struggling single dad to a celebrated local musician, with her cheering at every gig. She juggled four jobs, cared for his sons, and turned a shed into his creative haven, all to fuel his passion. But when a local music article showcased his journey, her name was nowhere to be found, leaving her heartstrings out of tune.

This isn’t just about a missing mention; it’s about feeling invisible in a shared dream. Readers might sense her sting of being sidelined, wondering how love can feel so one-sided. Her story pulls us into the quiet sacrifices of partnership, asking: what happens when the spotlight forgets the one holding it up?

‘I 41F was hurt when my husband 42M completely left me out of his bio for an article published about him.’

I (41F) met my husband (42M) when we were 17 and 18 years old. He was in a band back then with one of my best male friends which is how we met. I was crazy about him when we were teenagers, but after graduating high school I moved away for college, and we lost touch. Fast-forward 20 years.

I moved my parents in with me in 2012, and he was raising two sons on his own (their bio mother had been gone most of their lives). We reconnected over FB, and the timing was right. We had both been married, divorced, but were at that moment single. I admire my husband for his fortitude, he is an honorable man who did what many men wouldn’t have stuck around to do.

He struggled financially for many years as a single-parent but got by. He had also all but given up on his music several years prior and had only recently gotten back into it. He is a beautiful and gifted singer and guitarist, it got me when I was a teenager and still tugs at my heart now.

But he gave it up to go to vocational school to support his boys, he’d sold everything except an acoustic guitar his dad gave him and had almost no gear, so he was pretty much starting from scratch when he started playing again. By the time we got together again, he’d gotten some basic equipment.

His “studio” was the corner of his living room or sometimes the bedroom with nothing but his acoustic guitar and phone to record videos. While it was a hobby more rather than a career, music is something he has always been passionate about and loves. Music has also always been important to me. It is a passion we share and brings us closer.

We were still dating when he and his dad started an acoustic duo. At first, just the 2 of them. Within several months they added a drummer, and then a bassist. I was very supportive all the while. I sat on FT in the evenings and listened to them rehearse.

I would drive 8 hours to come see them play (oh yeah, I lived out of state at first) and would record their sets so they could post the videos on their FB page. The first few sets of band pictures they used to promote were photos I had taken. He still didn’t have a lot of equipment when we moved in together.

With my parents and me here now, I take care of things at home and the boys while he goes to rehearsal and gigs. When we moved in together, I moved us to a house that has a large building across the driveway that we made his studio, a space he’d always wanted.

I took over almost all the expenses which left him with his entire pay to cover a couple of his bills, but the rest he was free to use on music. It makes me happy to see him happy. Over the past couple of years, their notoriety has increased across the city.

Since we’ve been together, they went from just him and his dad playing at a corner table in a restaurant to a 4-piece band with all the bells and whistles from stage lighting to fog machines. Most of this took place after we moved in together bc he was able to afford better equipment and now had a real space to rehearse.

My parents and I help take care of anything the boys need, and he doesn’t have to worry about leaving them home alone when he has gigs, especially out of town. The band is getting noticed and playing in other cities. In the past 8 months, he joined a 2nd band, so he now plays both. This band has now also built a solid reputation that continues to grow.

Now, to the point. A local music association just gave my husband recognition for his achievements in the local music scene. An article was posted, and most of it was his bio story he wrote himself. He talks about starting to play at 12, mentions the people he’s played with before and all those he plays with now. Name drops several other past bands and people.

He mentions our boys and having gone on hiatus from music for a while to provide for them. He notes a friend that got him back into music, his dad approaching him to start the acoustic duo, names the other band mates in both bands. He abruptly ends by name dropping the two bands again and (paraphrasing here) saying, so that’s it! That brings us to today!

Keep a lookout for ___ and ___. See you at the next show! He gave credit to a lot of people, but after all we’ve been through so far on this journey, to get to the end of that long bio and there not be a single word or even a hint about me, I was stunned and very hurt. Wouldn’t have known he even had a SO.

Everything I’ve done to help, the expenses I’ve taken over so he could pursue this passion, the stress I put on myself with now 4 jobs to take care of this family, the role I’ve happily accepted with two stepsons (he doesn’t know any of their teachers or even their doctor, that’s all me),

the nights I’ve gone to gigs when I was exhausted bc I knew it was important to him, taking their videos/photos for promos, taking the boys to his gigs, getting up in the middle of the night to pick him up with all his gear bc of a flat tire, the furniture/lights/pads/guitar racks, even a mini fridge for drinks that I got to help set up his studio.

I then smile when he’s excited about the 7th bass guitar he just got and explains the tiny thing it does different than the other 6 already hanging on the racks. I could understand if he’d done all this on his own and THEN we got together, but I’ve been here from the start. I don’t care about recognition from others, what bothers me is HE doesn’t consider me an integral part of all this.

Here this whole time I thought we were in it together. And even if I hadn’t done all of that, it’s common sense to include a spouse somewhere in a bio, “I wouldn’t be where I am today without my beautiful wife” would’ve sufficed. When I tried to talk to him about it, his response was, “I didn’t mention anybody really” like his late mother who bought his first guitar.

Ok, so I’m not just “anybody”, I’m his wife who has supported him emotionally, financially, and logistically (especially with the kids) through all of this. On top of that, to use his dead mother?? I’m his wife, not his mother. It’s not my intention to downplay the importance of it, but there is difference between the level of commitment and support of giving a 12 yo child a beginner guitar vs everything I’ve done for him.

Plus, not crediting his mom doesn’t justify disregarding his wife as well. He said I was being dramatic and that it wouldn’t have made sense for him to bring me up in a piece about his music, yet he mentioned a lot of ppl including the boys, and I’ve been literally and figuratively at the foot of the stage through it all.

Supporting a partner’s dream can feel like pouring your heart into their melody, but the OP’s story shows what happens when the chorus forgets your verse. Her husband’s omission of her role—despite her covering expenses, managing the household, and enabling his music—suggests a disconnect in recognizing her contributions. While he may see the bio as a professional highlight reel, her hurt reflects a deeper need for acknowledgment in their partnership.

This scenario mirrors a broader issue: unbalanced emotional labor in relationships. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found that 65% of women in heterosexual marriages report feeling unappreciated for domestic contributions, often leading to resentment (Source). The OP’s four jobs and stepmother duties amplify this, as her sacrifices enabled her husband’s creative freedom.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Acknowledgment is the glue that keeps partnerships strong” (source: Psychology Today, 2021). Her insight highlights the OP’s need for validation, not public credit. His dismissal of her feelings as “dramatic” risks widening the gap. Couples counseling could help them realign, with the OP calmly expressing how recognition strengthens their bond.

For now, the OP might scale back some support—sharing financial or childcare duties—to rebalance the dynamic. This invites her husband to see her role more clearly.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s got takes hotter than a stage spotlight! From calling out the husband’s oversight to urging the OP to prioritize herself, the community’s advice is a mix of empathy and tough love. Dive into their thoughts below—are they hitting the right notes, or just adding static to the mix?

Radiant_Humor5110 − I think it’s a big problem that you have taken on “4 jobs to take care of this family.” He’s not acknowledging your help, and it sounds like you are over extending yourself so that he can live his dreams. You need to step back and make sure bills and finances and child care are split more equitably. You should also have the time to pursue your own hobbies and interests. Be fair to yourself.

dca_user − It sounds like you and your family need to pull back on your support- it’s not appreciated or needed.. It sounds like he’s taken your sacrifices for granted. I’m sorry.

Ok-Boysenberry1022 − He’s taken you totally for granted and your feelings are 100 percent valid.

Specialist-Vanilla85 − That’s really messed up. You have every right in the world to be mad. I got a sense that he didn’t mention you so other women may think he’s single… keeping his options open. I would agree that pulling back on making his life so easy is the next step here. He can see exactly what he messed up here. Don’t let him water this down. It’s a huge deal and he should be wanting to make it up to you asap!

twicescorned21 − So you're the 'friend' that got him into music again?. Does he not want to mention you, in case being attached would be bad for his *image*?. Unless he's robert plant in the 90s, nobody cares if he's single or not.   You've already read many comments that validate your concern.

If you bring it up, he will probably gaslight you and say you're making a big deal out of nothing.. It's not nothing though.  This assignment he did speaks volumes as to how much he values you. . You deserve better.

jimmyb1982 − Sounds like a typical successful artist. Me me me me. Total d**k move on his part. He apparently doesn't need your sacrifices, so I would definitely stop making them.

blanketstatement5 − If he forgot it maybe that is forgivable but frankly the fact that he's doubling down on it tells me that everything you did for him was taken completely for granted, and he acts as though it was an expectation. And from the sounds of it you did A LOT. You went well above and beyond to support him.

And if he doesn't think that it's a big deal then he should really find out what life is like without your support. I'm not going to tell you to jump straight to divorce (although I wouldn't call you wrong if you did), but couples' counseling definitely needs to happen.

If in counseling he can't acknowledge how much you've done to help him specifically with the music career, and acknowledge the fact that your direct support, which you were NOT OBLIGATED TO DO, was a significant reason why he is where he is today, then yes, you should divorce him.

Careless_Welder_4048 − I wonder why his first marriage didn’t work? Did he also take her for granted??

rebelwithmouseyhair − Sounds like he takes women for granted, his mother and his wives. 

M3gpie − He doesn’t appreciate you. It sounds like you’re giving a lot in your relationship and he isn’t. It’s a very unequal dynamic. I think you need to prioritize yourself, financially and with your time and effort. Stop paying for everything, stop spending all your time and effort on him. Maybe he will appreciate you then. he’s gotten use to your support and feels that it isn’t significant.

Is your time, effort, & money not significant? Your reaction indicates it is significant to you. Use it on people who appreciate it. Starting with yourself! Focus on you. He certainly focuses on what he wants and doesn’t care the cost (financial & otherwise) to you and his sons. You need to think about the future, what happens when the stepsons move out.

What will that be like? Does that make you happy? Are you happy now? Does your partner spend tine, effort & money on you? Do you feel valued & appreciated in your relationship, not including this article? Would your partner support you in a hobby/career like you have?

Take some time & think about this & your relationship & what you want, before you talk to him. Take all the time you need. Make a plan to get to where you will be happy (either in the relationship or without it). Then talk to him. 

These opinions are raw and real, but do they capture the full rhythm of the OP’s dilemma? One thing’s certain: love needs harmony, not solo acts.

This story strums a chord about love’s unsung heroes. The OP’s devotion built her husband’s stage, yet her absence from his story left her feeling like backstage crew, not a co-star. Whether through a heart-to-heart or counseling, rebuilding their duet means valuing every note she plays. Have you ever felt invisible in a shared journey? What would you do to bring the harmony back? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the music playing!

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