I (35m) asked my fiancé (28f) for a paternity test

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Two and a half years of love, trust, and compromise define a 35-year-old man’s bond with his 28-year-old fiancé—until a perfect storm of events unravels his confidence. Her close ties with an ex, a brief breakup, and 300+ daily texts culminate in a pregnancy that aligns suspiciously with their split.

Boiling insecurities lead him to request a paternity test, a move that threatens their future. Shared on Reddit, this tale of doubt and devotion captures a relationship teetering between trust and fear.

‘I (35m) asked my fiancé (28f) for a paternity test’

Let me start off by saying that I love and trust my fiancé. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have had ups and downs like every relationship. One of the things that has cause some issues is she is the type that remains friends with a lot of people that most people wouldn’t (ex’s).

She has been wonderful in listening to issues I have with anything and resolving them on her end and has gone to the ends of the earth to make sure I’m comfortable. One week before our 2 year anniversary, the mother one of her ex’s posted on Facebook about her husband (ex’s father) passing away.

She was close to his mom and dad and his mother asked her to come to the funeral and I had zero issue with that. When she went to the funeral a few days later she said she went back to his moms house for food and hung out for a while.

She offered to the ex the usual “if there is anything you need” and he actually accepted and said he needed help moving his mother the next day. I expressed that I found that to be weird and she agreed but I trust her so she did help him. Maybe a week after that was our 2 year anniversary and she broke up with me for unrelated issues.

That night she went to her grandmas house which is just 2 blocks away from where she helped them move and said that she was just walking around the town and then I found out she had been texting her ex all day every day, 300+ text messages, for that whole week. I also later found out that they were engaged at one point.

We ended up resolving the issues that caused us to break up for the day or 2, and we talked about the whole situation with the ex and how all that was in my head and worked everything out and got back together.

Not long after that we found out that she was pregnant and the time of conception lines up almost perfectly to the night we broke up and she was walking around town near her ex’s house that she had been texting for a week.

That thought just boiled in my insides for 2 months and finally insecurities got the best of me and I confronted her and told her I wanted a paternity test. I absolutely should have talked to her about it all when I first had those thoughts to try to work on the and resolve them before a paternity test was even mentioned but I can’t change the past now.

I’ve tried and tried to explain my reasoning to her and sometimes she says she understands it but other times she is ready to just leave me. I love her to death and have tried explaining to her that I trust her but that timing is too coincidental for my brain to not think those thoughts.

I have seen way too many stories of happy couples where the man finds out their kid isn’t his and those stay floating around in my head. I’ve tried explaining that it is a fear that only men could have since she obviously would never question if a kid was hers so she could never fully understand it.

I have some trust issues that I need to get resolved anyway and have agreed to seek therapy for any issues I have but I’m having trouble explaining things to her. How can I better explain how I’m feeling in this situation? Is there a way at all to save this?

Trust is the bedrock of love, but this man’s story reveals how quickly it can erode under pressure. His fiancé’s extensive texting with an ex, their brief breakup, and the pregnancy’s timing create a reasonable basis for doubt, yet his paternity test request risks fracturing their bond. Her fluctuating reactions—understanding to threatening to leave—suggest she’s grappling with both hurt and the weight of his mistrust.

Insecurities in relationships often amplify during life transitions like pregnancy. A 2021 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 30% of couples face trust issues when past relationships resurface, particularly with ex-partners. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust requires transparency; dismissing valid concerns as ‘in your head’ breeds resentment”. Her dismissal of the ex’s role and the breakup’s context may have fueled his fears.

The man’s failure to address his doubts earlier reflects a broader issue: unvoiced insecurities can fester. His trust issues, compounded by her prior engagement to the ex, require open dialogue. Her willingness to accommodate his concerns in the past suggests potential for repair, but only if both commit. Therapy, as he’s agreed to pursue, is a strong step to unpack his fears and her boundaries.

To salvage the relationship, he should acknowledge the hurt his request caused, clarify that it stems from specific events, not her character, and propose the test as a mutual step for peace of mind. Couples counseling can help them navigate trust and prepare for parenthood. Her response to this approach will reveal whether they can rebuild or if deeper divides persist.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community largely supported the man’s request for a paternity test, citing the suspicious timing and his fiancé’s excessive texting with her ex as justifiable red flags. Many criticized his claim of “trust,” noting that his actions contradict his words, and urged him to stop saying he trusts her when he clearly doesn’t.

Commenters emphasized the need for honesty and therapy, with some suggesting the test is essential before marriage or legal commitments. The consensus viewed her defensive reaction as concerning, encouraging him to prioritize clarity and protect his future.

Tunnock_ − Let me start off by saying that I love and **trust** my fiancé. You don't trust her. Given the circumstances, that's understandable, but stop telling her you trust her when you're asking for a paternity test. It's not going to make your feelings any clearer for her.

You can lay out why you want the test given the timing and the behaviour on her part, but if she has told you that nothing happened you can't then tell her that you trust her because you don't. I do think you should get the test, but some therapy would do both of you the world of good.

Primary_General_6211 − Do you believe she cheated on you? I mean, if the paternity test comes back that you’re the farther, do you still think she had s** with this guy?. Is there infidelity in the past to stir up these feelings?

caldermuyo − Let me start off by saying that I love and trust my fiancé. No you don't. And, in this oddly contrived feeling scenario, I'm not even going to suggest you \*should\* because there is a lot of weird s**t in there, but you clearly do not trust her.

SunburnFM − First Sentence: Let me start off by saying that I love and trust my fiancé.. WALL OF TEXT. WALL OF TEXT. WALL OF TEXT. Last Sentence: I have some trust issues that I need to get resolved.

[Reddit User] − Get the paternity test done before you say or sign anything. 300 messages per day with an ex is shady as f**k, also they definitely spent too much time together. How can you even want to be married with a woman like her?

Lann42016 − Stop telling her (and us) that you trust her when you clearly don’t. Like your first sentence literally says that you trust her and then the rest of your post saying why you don’t. So which is it? If you don’t trust her grow a pair and be upfront about it.

spiteful_rr_dm_TA − You clearly and demonstrably do not trust her. If you trusted her, you wouldn't be asking for a paternity test, now would you? Stop lying to her about it. Now that having been said, I think you are totally justified here.

She just happened to break up with you and went to spend time right where her formerly engaged ex lives, spent an entire day texting him over 300 messages (did you ever get to see those?), then got back together with you and turned out to be pregnant?

I'd be very suspicious too, and the fact that she is ready to break up with you over it is a red flag. Under these circumstances, if she has nothing to hide, then she is better served just taking the test and putting your mind at ease.

tiredandshort − get the paternity test. it’s too weird.

EntertainingTuesday − and we talked about the whole situation with the ex and how all that was in my head and worked everything out and got back together. This line concerned me. Why was the resolution to acknowledge it was all in your head? The reason your head was in a mess was because your gf was talking with an ex so much.

I get the ex may have needed support, I think that is on your ex to put a boundary up given she is in a relationship. If it all happened after you broke up, I suppose she was in the clear but she should understand how that would affect you.. I think your request is reasonable.

anotherthrowaway2023 − Listen I’m of the opinion that I would be very offended if my partner ask for paternity test bc I am a very loyal person. Now that being said, under YOUR circumstances 100% get that paternity test! If I was your girl, I would understand how those circumstances can raise reasonable doubt.. Don’t get married till you get those results.

This story of a fiancé’s paternity test request unveils the fragile line between love and doubt in a relationship rocked by past promises and present fears. His insecurities clash with her hurt, threatening their path to parenthood and marriage.

The Reddit chorus demands honesty and resolution to chart the way forward. Have you faced a moment where trust was tested by a partner’s past? Share your thoughts below and let’s explore how love weathers suspicion!

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