[UPDATE 2] My husband (28M)’s sleep apnea is ruining our marriage. (I (29F) filed for divorce) Can you give me advice moving forward?

Imagine a mother, her resolve hardened by years of sleepless nights and broken trust, signing divorce papers to reclaim her life. For a 29-year-old woman, her husband’s untreated sleep apnea was the tip of a betrayal iceberg—secret credit cards, talks with other women, and a shrug at her pleas for change. Now, with her daughter’s future in focus, she’s stepping away from a marriage that drained her. Readers, this Reddit update is a bold leap toward freedom.

For those who want to read the previous part: [UPDATE] My husband (28M) and I’s (29F) marriage is being ruined by his sleep apnea. When is an ultimatum ok? Bolstered by nearly 900 Reddit comments and loved ones’ wisdom, she’s filing for divorce, ready to build a stable home. His lack of empathy, from ignoring her sleep deprivation to financial deceit, pushed her to this edge. What lies ahead for her and her daughter? Let’s unpack this pivotal moment and Reddit’s insights.

‘[UPDATE 2] My husband (28M)’s sleep apnea is ruining our marriage. (I (29F) filed for divorce) Can you give me advice moving forward?’

I put down a retainer for an attorney, filled out the paper and I will be officially filing for divorce next week. I finally came to the realization, thanks to almost 900 comments on that post, some wise advice from family and friends, and a lot of introspection, that he will never change.

He has a severe lack of empathy for others. I have proof (through many texts) that I have told him his snoring has been impacting my sleep for years and he simply does not care. This is on top of him in the past secretly opening up a credit card (spending thousand dollars on playing cards) and catching him talking to other women behind my back.

I know it takes two for marriage to fail. So I am definitely reflecting on my own mistakes and contributions. My goal going forward is giving my daughter the most calm, stable, loving environment, which I've realized is impossible while in this marriage. If you have any advice on divorce, please give it to me straight. I've been reading up on r/divorce and consulting with my divorce attorney.

This woman’s decision to divorce marks a turning point, not just from her husband’s untreated sleep apnea but from a pattern of disregard—financial secrecy and inappropriate interactions with others. Her focus on her daughter’s calm environment shows clarity amid pain. Let’s analyze this with expert perspectives.

The husband’s refusal to address his apnea, despite texts proving her pleas, reveals a deeper empathy deficit. His secret credit card and talks with other women compound the betrayal. As Psychology Today notes, trust erosion—whether through neglect or deceit—is a leading divorce driver. Her introspection about her role is healthy, but his actions alone sank this marriage.

This ties to a broader issue: navigating divorce for a child’s well-being. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association shows structured co-parenting plans reduce child stress post-divorce. Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, a child psychologist, advises, “Clear boundaries and detailed agreements protect children’s stability” (APA). Her attorney’s guidance on a thorough parenting plan, as Redditors suggested, is critical.

For advice, she should finalize the divorce filing and secure a detailed parenting plan, specifying custody, holidays, and communication protocols to minimize conflict. Therapy could aid her reflection and co-parenting strategy. Leveraging her MBA and financial independence, she should explore rentals or homeownership swiftly.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit roared in like a cheering squad, applauding her courage with a mix of tough love and practical tips. From debunking the “it takes two to fail” myth to co-parenting advice, the comments are a lifeline with a dash of wit. Here’s the vibe:

floridaeng − OP I have only read this post, but I totally disagree with the part of your comment about needed 2 people to fail. The only part that you probably failed at was staying so long before you realized how selfish he is and starting the divorce. Edit to add - In my opinion it takes 2 to have a successful marriage, but it only takes 1 to make a marriage fail, even though there are a few where both contributed to the failure.

whatsmypassword73 − Enough with the idea that it takes two to fail, you couldn’t be more mistaken. All it takes is for one of the partners to not give a f@ck and you’re sunk.. He’s earned the divorce, he takes from your life, why stay?

HomelyHobbit − Advice for parenting plan - lay EVERYTHING out in writing. Not just days and hours, holiday division, etc. Also who will drop the child off, who will pick the child up, right of first refusal for both of you so he doesn't pick her up and just drop her off with his mom or a babysitter, when the other parent will be called in the case of medical issues, how things like medication will be communicated.

Will both parents be allowed to attend events for the child even if it's someone else's parenting time? Can extracurriculars be scheduled on the other parent's time. Just basically anything you can think of that might come up, write it into the agreement. This is because if this turns into a high conflict situation, it's good to have it all laid out so he can't find sneaky, annoying loopholes.

Grombrindal18 − Don't have any advice, but thanks for the push to finally get the CPAP I was prescribed (32M getting married next year).

sempreblu − The gasp that left my body when I read you blame yourself for his cheating

Suspicious-Ad7109 − I think the snoring is the easy bit. It's the money and the women that are the problem. I found sleeping on a triangular pillow worked. So, I think you need to talk to a lawyers, which you are already doing. The only real positives I can think of is try, if possible, not to start a war with your STBXH so you can co-parent ?

doogles − My wife improved both our lives by urging me to get a sleep study. My gasts are flabbered that your husband chooses to sleep without a CPAP because I literally can't sleep without it.

violue − I know it takes two for marriage to fail.. Who the hell told you that? Sometimes it's really just on the one person.. Anyway. I'm glad you're going to get yourself some REST in the not-too-distant future.

megyrox − It definitely does not take two for a marriage to fail. It takes two for a marriage to succeed

mamachonk − No advice, but I'd love to hear how you feel after a week's worth of good sleep. :) Good luck. You are making the right decision. Both parties need to make an effort for a marriage to work, and you've been carrying this solely on your shoulders for too long. You're doing right by yourself and by your daughter.

These Redditors celebrated her exit from a one-sided marriage, urging her to shed self-blame and plan meticulously. Some shared apnea success stories, others divorce logistics. But do their cheers fully grasp her emotional weight, or just light the path? This story’s fueling a rally for her fresh start.

This update showcases a mother’s strength, choosing divorce to shield her daughter from a marriage marred by neglect and deceit. Her path—legal battles, co-parenting, new beginnings—is daunting but empowering. Have you navigated divorce while prioritizing a child’s stability? What advice would you offer for her next steps? Drop your stories and wisdom below—let’s keep this conversation thriving.

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