[UPDATE] ThrowRA:  I (32F) was offered a promotion. He (31M) refuses to move

Imagine a whirlwind month where schools shut down, jobs vanish, and a family’s future hangs in the balance. For a mother of two, a promotion promising financial security beckoned, but her husband’s refusal to leave his hometown—and his mother’s daily calls—threw a wrench in their decade-long marriage. With courage sparked by chaos, she packed up the kids and left, her heart torn between love and necessity. The air hums with uncertainty, yet her resolve shines through.

This Reddit update, a sequel to a saga of career versus family (For those who want to read the previous part:ThrowRA: I (32F) was offered a promotion. He (31M) refuses to move), dives into her bold leap. It’s not just about a move—it’s about choosing her kids’ future over a stagnant status quo. As she settles into a new life, readers lean in, wondering: can their love survive this divide?

[UPDATE] ThrowRA:  I (32F) was offered a promotion. He (31M) refuses to move’

It's been 31 days since my post and we all know what's been happening over the last 31 days... The apocalypse! But you know what? It's the best thing that could have happened for me in the moment. Every star I needed to align for me to get the necessary gonads did. First, school was closed for the rest of the year.

Second, Husband was furloughed. Third, we were denied all assistance outside of $149/week in unemployment due to me making too much GROSS income, by less than $100 (Don't get me started on how f**king stupid that system is).

March 13th, which was the kid's final day at school, I approached him after the kids were in bed and said, 'Listen, Husband. For 11 years, I've done anything and everything you've wanted with complete disregard of my wants and needs.

However, our kids depend on us to survive, so it is *literally* our job to make sure they have everything they need. With everything that's transpired and so much unknown in the future, I'm taking the job. This isn't about you. It's not even about me. It's about them'.

He told me that this was my choice and he understood why I felt like I needed to do it, but that he couldn't support me choosing money over family (Reminder: HIS family, my family is split between two completely unrelated states). I told him I loved him, I wanted him there, that my family isn't my family without him, and that the offer for him to come stands, should he choose to join us.

March 28th, the 3 of us began our next adventure. I found and secured a home before we left. We've spent the time since getting settled in and finding our new groove. I've been so busy, I haven't really been able to absorb the life changes that have taken place over the last 30 days.

I miss him but I'm cut deep over this, so should he decide he wants to join us... I'm not sure I'll welcome that. I guess we will see if/when that time comes. As far as the status of our relationship stands, I have no idea. We haven't discussed it. Time will tell, I suppose.. I did link up with a therapist though. That's been... Enlightening.

Taking a promotion while leaving a spouse behind? That’s a plot twist even M. Night Shyamalan couldn’t dream up. She prioritized her kids’ stability, moving despite his refusal to leave his mom’s orbit. His stance—calling it “money over family”—stings, especially since it’s his family he’s clinging to. Her resolve, fueled by financial desperation, marks a shift from sacrifice to self-assertion, but the emotional fallout lingers.

This saga taps into a broader issue: women balancing career and family. A 2023 Catalyst study found 45% of women face career penalties for prioritizing family, yet she flipped the script. Her move, post-furlough and denied aid, was a survival tactic. His inaction, despite her past compromises, suggests enmeshment with his mother, sidelining their unit.

Dr. John Gottman, in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, notes, “Loyalty to your spouse means prioritizing their needs over others’.” His choice to stay, even during a crisis, fractures this trust. Therapy, which she’s started, is a smart move—Reddit nailed that. She should continue exploring her feelings, perhaps inviting him to virtual sessions. A trial period for him to join, with clear boundaries, could test his commitment. For now, securing custody and focusing on her kids’ adjustment keeps her grounded.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew showed up like a virtual support squad, dishing out high-fives and hard truths with the energy of a blockbuster premiere. It’s a mix of cheers for her guts and shade for his selfishness, served with a side of wit. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crowd:

d0n7w0rry4b0u717 − You made the right choice. Money isn't everything but when you're practically living paycheck to paycheck, a pay increase is extremely important for survival. I understand that he didn't want to leave his family but what he didn't realize was that he was putting his parents before his children. I think any good grandparent would hate that to be honest. You weren't putting money before family like he claimed. You were putting your kids before anything else.

Desert_Fairy − I’m sorry your husband chose his birth family over the family he built with you.. I’m proud of you for making the best decision for your family.

late_enough − In the comments you said more than a few times that you hope “he’ll come around.” Others then asked directly if you are willing to wait and also why wait for someone that has to “come around” to be there for his family. I know that this is fresh and hard.

But you’ve actually already answered the question, it’s just hard to accept it. You really don’t want to have him come around because that means he came around for himself, not you, not the kids. You needed to make a decision based on what to do for your kids, to give them the best chance, to eat, to live, and you needed a partner to do the same.

When the time came to make the -right- choice, you made it. He didn’t. You say he loves his kids. Obviously not enough to let them leave for no other reason that he didn’t want to move away from his mom. Those choices are already made and there’s no backsies.

There is no “coming around” in making decisions that directly affect the health and welfare of your children. You make the decision when you have to and he didn’t. Any choice he makes right now is all about him and his feelings and his wants. If he decides to come to you, it’s not because of you.

It’s not because of the kids needing dad. It’s because he finally feels ok about it for himself. He is very sweetly, nicely, civil selfish. You can try and give a 1000 excuses, but he lost his job, he is responsible for his children’s welfare, and he said goodbye for absolutely no reason than pulling a Jude the Obscure.

He preferred to say goodbye to his kids. In the middle of a pandemic he let you move states away when you could be stuck in a major health situation, alone. I’m sorry, that decision reveals so much and that will never change, there is no coming around. That moment has passed and it can’t be changed. You need accept that and start making plans accordingly.

weirdgroovynerd − *When you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.*. *Lao Tzu, ancient Taoist Sage

roseydaisydandy − The fact that it doesn't seem like he put up much of a fight with you taking the kids shows that his reasons were purely selfish. Even if you dont want to file for a divorce, you should file for custody now and make sure that the kid's residence is where you are now. Dont THINK he won't take them from you, KNOW that he can't.

PurgeTheWeak42 − Can't believe your husband stuck to his guns. Dude has issues. Congrats on making the right choice for everyone involved

LiverFailureMan − I'm happy for a happy update! Can you tell us how the therapy has been enlightening? I understand if those details are too much to share, but the way you wrote 'enlightening' makes me want to know more lol. Did you learn anything interesting/relevent to the story?

[Reddit User] − Thank you for going through with this, he was trying to manipulate you with the choosing money over family thing when it wasn't nothing even remotely close to that. As a man he should do whats best for the family and not think about himself. The future of your children is way more important, good luck and keep being a strong and great mom.

Little_kamal − I am so glad to read this update! Of course I wanted the 'perfect' happy ending for you but more than that I really wanted you to be able to choose the best thing for you and your kids and the strength to go ahead and make the move. I wish you and your family health and happiness in your new home and if he doesn't come around and somehow make things right, then I hope in the future he very pointedly feels the consequences.

Aniram93 − I remember reading something like 'affection is desirable, but money is absolutely indispensable' in a book a while ago... It was the first thing that came to my mind reading your first post. I'm glad you choose what's best for you and your kids. Opportunities like this are rare, and we shouldn't wave them goodbye as they pass by. Good luck, I really hope everything works out for you!

These Redditors rally behind her choice or question his motives, but do their bold takes capture the full story, or just amplify the drama? One thing’s clear: this family’s split has sparked a firestorm of opinions.

This mother’s leap—choosing a job and her kids over a stalled marriage—highlights the raw courage it takes to rewrite a family’s story. Her husband’s loyalty to his roots leaves their future cloudy, but her strength shines. It’s a reminder that love sometimes means tough choices. What would you do if a dream opportunity meant leaving a partner behind? Share your thoughts—would you stay or go?

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