My best friend (F24) became a widow three months ago and is acting like she’s never been married

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a bustling university campus, where Elisa, a 24-year-old engineering whiz, navigates lecture halls with a determined smile. Three months ago, her world shattered when her high school sweetheart, her husband, died in a car crash. Yet, she breezes through classes, calling him her “ex” and dodging the word “widow” like it’s a bad vibe. Her best friend, watching from the sidelines, feels a pang of worry— is Elisa’s hustle hiding a deeper pain?

Elisa’s story tugs at the heart, blending love, loss, and the messy ways we cope. It’s not just about grief; it’s about how a young woman redefines herself when life flips the script. Readers, haven’t we all wondered how to help a friend through a storm when they’re acting like it’s sunny? Let’s unpack Elisa’s journey.

‘My best friend (F24) became a widow three months ago and is acting like she’s never been married’

My best friend, let's call her Elisa, is a 24 years-old engineer who got married two years ago to her first and only boyfriend, both were high school sweethearts. He died in a car crash three months ago and ever since, Elisa's been acting weird. She never calls herself a widow, she only says she's not with her ex-boyfriend anymore.

When referring to her late husband, she calls him her 'ex'. Last week, a guy flirted with her during one of her classes (she's doing her masters degree) and, even though she said she's not interested, she said she would love to get married someday.

She was deeply in love with her late husband and I'm not sure if she's dealing with her grief in a healthy way. She never missed a day at work or a class and she's been working harder than ever after his death. She's my best friend, we grow up together and I really want to help her, but I don't know what to do.

Elisa’s choice to call her late husband her “ex” is a poignant glimpse into grief’s complexity. “Grief is not a one-size-fits-all process,” says Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief counselor, in a 2024 HuffPost article (huffpost.com). “Some avoid certain labels to protect themselves emotionally.” Elisa’s avoidance of “widow” likely shields her from painful conversations, especially at 24, when peers might struggle to relate.

Her relentless work ethic and social ease suggest “productive avoidance,” a coping mechanism where tasks drown out sorrow. A 2022 study in Frontiers in Psychology found 60% of young adults use distraction to manage grief (frontiersin.org). However, denying her widowhood could delay emotional processing, risking burnout.

Dr. Wolfelt advises, “Meet grievers where they are.” Elisa’s friend could gently affirm her strength while suggesting grief counseling, framing it as self-care, not weakness. A private chat, perhaps over coffee, could open the door: “I’m here if you ever want to talk about him.”

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s got a treasure trove of insights on Elisa’s story—raw, heartfelt, and occasionally cheeky. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Cyborg_Potato − Could she be phrasing the situation as an 'Ex' relationship to avoid unnecessary talks about the details with others? I would think people tend to ask fewer questions about your last relationship than they would about a tragic death.

Jaxx1980 − I lost my fiance 20 years ago when he passed away in a boating accident.. It was exhausting constantly having to explain things and I would often times cry while trying to do so. It became easier to brush over it with new people that didn't know. I cried in private and put on a brave face in public, often referring to him as my ex because the alternative was something I couldn't handle.

SocalPizza − Give her space, time, and support. Let her grieve and deal in her own ways.

babydillz − Could just be her way of coping. Might be too soon for her to be able to face the fact that she is a widow, hence why she says “ex.” Working harder than ever may be a way to distract herself from reality, even if it is unhealthy.. Sitting her down privately and calmly bringing up seeing a grief counsellor would probably be where I would start.

[Reddit User] − You let her handle her loss in her way.

ozziejean − I can't imagine losing my husband, it would be devastating. It would be awful when you are only 24 trying to hang out with people your own age and have to explain that you are a widow. Everyone would have so many questions and it would bring up alot of emotions. Every. Single. Time.. Give her space, let her express herself as she feels comfortable.

mrbuddhawannabe − There is no formula for handling grief. The best you can do is to be there for her. Allow her to just feel any feelings with you without you judging her or pushing her to feel a certain way. Let her just deal with it in her own way.

Just keep being a presence in her life. If she brings up her husband then just be a listener, an ear. If she doesn't then don't bring him up. I assume you already told her that you want to help her but don't know what to do. That gives her the opening to ask if she needs to.

ChonkyMcChonk − To be honest if I were a 24-year-old widow I would lie about it too - because I wouldn't want to discuss it with strangers!

Goatlessly − not the same, but kinda: when my dad died, i spent a long time acting like nothing happened. It was too big to feel at once. Explicitly tell her you love her and are there for her. You’re a good friend!

[Reddit User] − She probably doesn't want to talk about the fact the love of her life just died. Everyone deals with these things in their own way.

These takes are straight from Reddit’s heart, but do they miss the mark on Elisa’s inner world? Maybe grief’s just too tricky to pin down!

Elisa’s story reminds us that grief wears many masks, from fierce independence to quiet denial. Her friend’s worry shows love, but the path to helping isn’t always clear. By being present and patient, she might help Elisa face her loss in time. We all navigate pain differently—some run, some hide, some heal. What would you do if your best friend grieved like Elisa, acting like the past never happened? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo going!

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