My (F24) boyfriend (M25) claims he didn’t mean it after drunkenly admitting he was in love with his friend (F29), what now?

The phone call started with giggles, a tipsy boyfriend rambling under the glow of a Friday night party. For a 24-year-old woman, it felt like a sweet moment—until his words turned her world upside down. Drunk and unfiltered, he confessed his love for his friend Hailey, admitting he regretted dating her because Hailey’s now single. Her heart sank, and the tears haven’t stopped.

This isn’t just a drunken slip; it’s a gut-punch of betrayal that ended in a breakup. As she grapples with hurt and self-doubt, Reddit’s blunt advice and her ex’s sober confession paint a raw picture. We’ll dive into her story, expert insights, and the sting of being someone’s second choice. Can she heal and find someone who sees her first? Let’s unpack this emotional rollercoaster.

‘My (F24) boyfriend (M25) claims he didn’t mean it after drunkenly admitting he was in love with his friend (F29), what now?’

We have been dating for 6 months, she (Hailey) is friends with my boyfriend Jared but they are not very close. She has come up in our conversations a couple of times but nothing too serious. She broke up with her boyfriend about 3 months ago and I have noticed he has gotten distant but i didn't think too much into it because he's a part time model and sometimes he travels and gets quiet.

He is a great guy, very kind and very generous and even when he's being distant, he's nice and sweet when we talk. Hailey is gorgeous and I would lie if I said I was not intimidated by her but I am and I feel bad because she's genuinely a nice person. Friday night, Jared had his friends over at his house, got very drunk and called me.

I was glad that he thought about me in that moment and we had a long conversation with him rumbling on and me laughing. It was light and funny until I asked him how he met Hailey, so he asked me 'do you also think she's adorable?', I don't know why I asked this but I asked him if she was his type, his response was 'I love petite girls.

Petite girls are so cute.', she is 5'2, feminine and skinny, I am 5'9 and a bit on the bigger side. My heart sunk after this.. I asked him why he was with me and not Hailey, he said she was in a relationship and he couldn't bring himself to ask her out.. he regrets seeing me because now she's single and he can't ask her out because of me.

I didn't want to hear more so I told him I was going to bed. I have been crying since then. Yesterday, I asked him about everything he told me and he claims he didn't mean it, he was drunk. He reassured me today but I still feel hurt and I don't know what to believe. What would you do?

Edit: I would like to thank everyone.. I may be unable to respond to everyone, but I have read everything, and everyone has said everything I knew but had a hard time admitting to myself. I was going to follow the advice to break up with him before he does that to me, but unfortunately, he has just broken up with me.

He called me asking to meet up and I immediately knew, I told him I didn't want to meet up with him and he can say whatever he wanted on the phone, so I let him talk. His exact words were, 'I have thought hard about it, and I know I have been unfair to you, I am really sorry. I really do have feelings for Hailey, and lying to you made me feel like s**t because you don't deserve it.

I respected her relationship because I don't condone cheating, and I tried to move on, I really did. When you asked me out, I thought there was no harm in getting to know someone new, I stupidly thought I could move on, but I was wrong. I do find you attractive, and I was drawn to your creativity and humor.

I thought I was moving on and fully planned on focusing on us, but I heard about her break up, and I was back to square one. I know keeping you around is selfish. Hearing what I said while drunk must have hurt you, I really didn't want to say those words to you because I know it must have been hard to hear them. I shouldn't have started something with you before dealing with my feelings.

Please find it in your heart to forgive me. ' I couldn't say or ask anything. All I could say was 'oh ok'... he asked me if I wanted to say anything to him, I said I didn't, and I was going to ask a friend to pick up my stuff from his place. He said, 'Sure, just let me know.' I feel numb right now.. It hurts a lot, but I will be fine. Thank you, everyone, for your support, I will update if anything significant comes up.

A drunken confession doesn’t spawn from thin air—it’s a window into hidden truths. Jared’s admission of loving Hailey, coupled with regretting his relationship, crushed his girlfriend’s trust. His breakup speech, though apologetic, confirms he saw her as a placeholder, a painful blow to her self-esteem.

Psychologist Dr. Shirley Glass notes, “Emotional infidelity can be as damaging as physical betrayal, eroding trust and self-worth” (Psychology Today). Jared’s fixation on Hailey, intensified by her breakup, fits this pattern. Studies show 60% of relationships struggle with unaddressed crushes (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).

The broader issue is self-worth. Her intimidation by Hailey’s looks reflects a common struggle: 70% of women report body image insecurities, per a 2023 Dove study. She should seek therapy to rebuild confidence and join supportive communities.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t hold back, tossing out tough love and a few zingers to boot. Here’s the unfiltered wisdom from the online crowd—brace for some real talk!

Lady_of_Breath − 6 months? I'd let him go be with the woman he told you he liked more. There's nothing wrong with you - this dude has issues and you should just let him go before he wastes more of your time.

dart1126 − I’m sorry, but he literally said he REGRETS seeing you because now she’s single and he CANT ask her out because of YOU.

just let him go. You don’t want to always feel like you’re holding him hostage because of honor and you’re second choice.. I’m sorry and I know it hurts, but he’s not the one.

merlinshairyballs − Drunk words speak sober thoughts. I never understand people who blame being drunk on stupid s**t. It doesn’t create thoughts….it lowers your filters. Your actions are still your own.

[Reddit User] − Yeah he’s in love with her and he’s going to d**p you now it’s in his mind. You should break up before he does. You’ve only been dating 6 months so you haven’t wasted too much time or energy.

Ok-Willow5217 − It’s way too specific of him to say all that and the chances that it was just because he was drunk is just low. It’s most likely the truth unfortunately. These are his real thoughts, sober or drunk. Listen, he’s saying them when he’s drunk, imagine if she was around him during this time… I wouldn’t trust his actions or his words.

WeeklyConversation8 − Nope. He definitely has a thing for Hailey. He was drunk which caused his filter to drop and he told you how he really feels about her. You deserve so much better than this. D**p him and find a man that isn't using you as a placeholder for the woman he really wants to be with.

SquilliamFancySon95 − There's drunken gibberish and then there's drunken confessions. It sounds like his was the latter.

Passionfruit1991 − You’re a place holder. D**p him. She may accept his advances or she may totally reject him. She might be mad that he has always seen her as not a friend and as someone he wants to be with. Whatever it is, it’s better you find someone who has eyes for you and only you.

AlmondMilkMaybe − The booze didn't put those thoughts in his head. It just removed the inhibitions that kept them from coming out of his mouth. Imo, you'll have a very hard time forgetting that and it will fester as insecurities about him and her. If I were in your shoes, I'd cut my losses.

HeartAccording5241 − I bet he has tried with her but she turned him down d**p him

These Reddit takes slice through the fog, calling Jared out for using her as a backup plan. But is it all on him, or should she have spotted the red flags sooner?

This heartbreak stings like salt in a wound, but it’s also a chance for her to reclaim her worth. Jared’s confession and breakup, though brutal, freed her from a relationship built on half-truths. With therapy and time, she can find someone who chooses her without hesitation. Have you ever faced a partner’s wandering heart? Share your story—what would you do to heal and love again?

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