I let my friend’s husband watch her on video call?

Picture a lively girls’ night, laughter mingling with the clink of glasses, until one friend’s careless words curdle the vibe. For one woman—let’s call her Emma—the night took a sharp turn when her friend Sarah, a serial cheater with a trail of broken vows, bragged about a new fling. Emma, tipsy and fed up, made a split-second choice: she video-called Sarah’s clueless husband, letting him hear the damning truth. Now, guilt gnaws at her like a hangover that won’t quit.

Emma’s heart churns with regret, yet part of her feels justified. Sarah’s chaos—three marriages, five kids, and a booze-fueled knack for drama—has long strained their friendship. Her husband, a kind soul from Emma’s middle school band days, deserves better. Readers lean in, caught in the moral tug-of-war: was Emma’s sneaky move a betrayal or a rescue mission? The stakes of loyalty and truth hang heavy

‘I let my friend’s husband watch her on video call?’

My friend 'Sarah' is on her 3rd marriage at 29. She's got an alcohol problem and gets herself into stupid situations and has cheated on all her partners since I've known her. Her current husband is a great guy, but kind of naive. He really has no clue - he just loves her so much.

A couple weeks ago he stopped by my work, and after some small talk he straight up asked me if I had seen or heard of Sarah seeing other men. I told him I honestly didn't know, because I don't \*know\* 100%. He seemed really beat. It was awful.

Fast forward to this past weekend, few of our friends got together, and she started to tell us about some dude she met. I was a little buzzed, so I decided to try to sneak her on video. I clicked on my contacts and sent him a video call and he actually picked up. I pretended to be into my phone and just let it roll.

He ended the call abut 2 mins in but it was enough to hear what she was talking about. The next day I felt sick at myself for what I did, but my husband thinks he needed to find out, and deep down I do too. I have no idea what's going on or if Sarah's husband even confronted her. Am I the worst person ever?. ​

Emma’s covert video call stirs a messy pot of loyalty and ethics. Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes, “Toxic friends can push you to act against your values, especially when their behavior harms others” (The Friendship Blog). Sarah’s reckless cheating and alcoholism clashed with Emma’s loyalty to her friend’s husband, a good man blindsided by love.

Emma faced a dilemma: protect Sarah’s secrets or shield her husband from deception. Sarah’s history—cheating on every partner—suggests a pattern that 40% of unfaithful spouses repeat, per studies (Institute for Family Studies). Emma’s buzzed impulse wasn’t tactful, but her instinct to protect aligns with Levine’s view that enabling toxic behavior erodes true friendship. This reflects a broader issue: when does loyalty to a friend outweigh harm to others?

Dr. Levine advises addressing toxic friends directly before cutting ties, but Emma’s prior hints fell flat. Her video call, though sneaky, gave undeniable proof, sparing the husband years of deceit. For Emma, Levine suggests owning her role and setting boundaries with Sarah, perhaps ending the friendship. Readers, consider your own lines—would you expose a friend’s betrayal to save someone else? Honesty, even messy, can be a wake-up call.

Moving forward, Emma could apologize for the method but stand by her intent, urging Sarah to seek help for her alcoholism and infidelity. This aligns with Levine’s call for compassionate accountability. Emma’s story reminds us that friendships thrive on mutual respect, not enabling harm.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit posse swarmed Emma’s post like it’s a courtroom drama, dishing out cheers, shade, and tough love. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

cryyyface − nope, definitely did the right thing. 3 divorces before you're even 30 with a cheating issue? just stay single...

CuckyMcCuckerCuck − No. You did the right thing.

[Reddit User] − My friend 'Sarah' is on her 3rd marriage at 29. She's got an alcohol problem and gets herself into stupid situations and has cheated on all her partners since I've known her. I don't mean to be rude, but your friend sounds like a dumpster fire.

Also how can you be friends with someone so toxic? I'm genuinely curious. The next day I felt sick at myself for what I did, but my husband thinks he needed to find out, and deep down I do too. Why feel sick for what you did. The guy deserved to know what kind of person she is and you saved someone who doesn't deserve to be cheated on.

Your husband is absolutely right that he deserved to know.. Am I the worst person ever?. No, you're not, you're a good person for letting him know instead of protecting a s**tty friend. Protip, id look for a new friend or she needs to get serious help. At the rate she is going, she is gonna be alone the rest of her life.

LookADrifter − NTA. He straight up asked you about a suspected behavior that you knew was likely happening. You provided him the answer he needed to avoid years of misery in a way that she can't twist as misinformation. Straight from the whoreses mouth.

GoodAdvice1 − You weren't a good friend to Sarah, but I think you did the right thing. Nobody wants to be used. I'd want to know, regardless of the source. It's very hard to watch a nice person being played for a fool and keep your mouth shut. Think you need friends who treat people better though.

Edit: At the heart of friendship is loyalty to the person you're friends with. Or are you just loyal when it feels comfortable? Part of that includes calling them out on destructive behavior, but there comes a point, though, when you just stop being friends with someone like that all together, because they aren't being your friend if they keep putting you in such an uncomfortable position.

[Reddit User] − No your not you showed her husband what kind of person she really is and that's something he should know although you did video her behind her back at least he knows what kind of person he's dealing with now I think you done the right thing myself personally

xvszero − Nah this is on her, not you.

1kSuns − My ex wife's best friend slept with anything that merely asked to. Her husband and I were coworkers, and pretty good friends as we all hung out pretty regularly.. She got somewhat serious with one of them (maintenance guy at our apartment complex.. one of those guys who gives a half stoner laugh at the end of every sentence),

and was talking about leaving her husband and taking the kids to go move in with this guy.. ​Up until this point, my then wife had made me promise to not tell her husband, and I didn't. When she was actively including my wife in on the plans to leave the husband who could not stop talking about how much he loved her.. I took a hard look at myself as a human being rather than an obedient husband, and told him at work.. ​

He told me he thought I was his friend, and to never speak to him again. They stayed together, but it ended both friendships, and I was the a**hole to both her and her husband. One for telling, and one for not telling sooner.. ​. You're the best person ever, and sleep well knowing that you did the right thing.

Missmoni2u − At this point I wouldn't even entertain being friends with Sarah anymore. You definitely screwed her over as a friend but she also put you in that position by bragging.

kieran_119 − Did the right thing 100%. However, not trying to be rude, but if she is that much of a sh*t person, why be her friend? You are who you hang out with. I definitely wouldn’t be friends with anyone who acted this way.

These Redditors brought the heat, mostly backing Emma’s move while torching Sarah’s toxic vibes. Some called her a hero for saving the husband, others questioned why she’d stay friends with a “dumpster fire.” But do these takes capture the full mess, or just fan the flames? One thing’s clear: Emma’s bold play has sparked a fiery debate about loyalty and truth.

Emma’s tipsy video call ripped the veil off Sarah’s betrayal, leaving her torn between guilt and righteousness. Sarah’s toxic trail—cheating, drinking, drama—pushed Emma to act, but the fallout stings. A clean break from Sarah and a nod to the husband’s pain might set Emma free. Would you have hit “call” in her shoes, or kept quiet to save the friendship? Share your take—how do you navigate loyalty when a friend’s chaos hurts others?

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