My (28M) gf (26F) is having a mental breakdown because her friend is getting married?

Jonathan Hours
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At 26, she thought moving in with her boyfriend and his 4-year-old daughter was the start of their forever. But when her best friend announced an engagement, a new home, and a baby all at once, her world unraveled. For 24 hours, she sobbed, snapped, and spiraled into panic attacks, leaving her boyfriend stunned and questioning their future. Living as a mother figure without a ring or a child of her own, she’s drowning in pressure he didn’t see coming.

His plan to propose after college feels too far off for her, and her emotional outburst has him rethinking marriage altogether. Her Reddit story spills the messy truth of love caught between life’s milestones and personal dreams, pulling us into their tense crossroads. What do you do when your partner’s breakdown reveals a gap in your shared vision?

‘My (28M) gf (26F) is having a mental breakdown because her friend is getting married?’

My girlfriend (26f) and I (28m) have been together for over a year. I have a 4 year old daughter from a previous girlfriend. Gf and daughter get a long very well, gf just quit her job and moved in with me full time. Everything is going great! Until, her best friend announced she just bought a house, is getting married and now is pregnant as well.

They started dating about 1 month before us. My girlfriend LOST it. She has been crying for literally 24 hours non stop. Picking fights with me, just generally acting p**cho and having panic attack after panic attack....

I planned on marrying her when I finish college and get a good career so I can afford a beautiful ring and proper wedding. But her throwing a tantrum like this makes me have second thoughts about marrying her at all.. We cannot afford a 2nd child right now.. Any advice on how to make things go back to normal?

Her meltdown over her friend’s milestones isn’t just jealousy—it’s a cry for security in a life that’s shifted fast. Moving in, quitting her job, and stepping into a motherly role for his daughter, she’s taken on a wife’s responsibilities without the commitment. Her friend’s news—engagement, baby, home—highlights what she lacks, triggering panic. His plan to delay marriage until after college feels like a dismissal of her sacrifices, widening their rift.

This reflects a broader issue: misaligned relationship timelines. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that mismatched expectations about commitment increase stress and conflict (soucre). Her extreme reaction suggests underlying anxiety, possibly from losing independence and her child-free support network.

Relationship expert Esther Perel notes, “Commitment thrives on clarity—partners need to align on what ‘together’ means” (soucre). For this couple, open dialogue is key. His gesture of showing the ring was a start, but her rejection of a delayed proposal shows she needs reassurance now.

Advice: Have a candid talk about timelines—consider a courthouse wedding to affirm commitment while saving for a dream ceremony later. Encourage her to seek therapy for anxiety, and join her in couples counseling to align your goals. Acknowledge her role as a stepmom with small gestures, like a date night, to ease her stress.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit dove in like a group of friends hashing it out over coffee, tossing out advice with equal parts concern and spice. Here’s what they had to say, unfiltered.

ccl-now − Woah woah woah back up there. Your girlfriend 'just quit her job and moved in with me full time' - that needs some context because without it, there's only one conclusion to be reached here.

AmeriSauce − Like a month after I got engaged my best friend also proposed to his gf. A few years later he admitted he asked her to marry him in most part because I did it too and he always compared my life milestones with his and felt pressure.. He got divorced last year.

JaxValentine91 − Get her into therapy because this is an incredibly unhealthy reaction to something that has nothing to do with her. And she's supposed to be the mother figure to your daughter? With this behaviour? I'd be worried she would start living vicariously through my daughter if she is so concerned about what other people are doing.

Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 − Why is she having such an extreme reaction?

Master-Anteater-8839 − Marriage and kid after a year? Yall are wild. You barely know each other. You just know finding out who she is

Realistic-Airport775 − She needs some healthy coping mechanisms instead of panic attacks.. Panic is anxiety, so what is she anxious about?. Life is not a competition. Look up anxiety tools, grounding maybe. She should really practice whilst not anxious but it is a start. look up breathing and 5,4,3,2,1.

Glass-Intention-3979 − Based on your comments I'm going to base what my thoughts are on this. You have both decided she quit her job to focus on school, which I know will benefit you all as a family longterm. You guys are happy you both love each other and you say she's great with your daughter and your ex.

I would assume her emotions are a big part of her personality, which going to extremes isn't healthy in the long run and she should get a bit of help with them. But, I'd say her reaction is probably based on worries and fears. She has left her support network (parents) and her job. They are two big things for someone to work through. They are not bad things but, for some, can cause anxiety and fear.

Her looking now for a wedding is probably, her looking for a sense of security based on these two things now gone from her day to day life. I'm not agreeing with her thinking but, it seems like the most obvious thing about this situation. Your finances currently and wishes to have a 'proper' wedding are correct. Nobody should get married if they can't afford to.

That being said both of you have gone full steam ahead with this relationship. You guys are living together, gf of 1yr is now a mother figure to your child, you are effectively living like a married couple. This, is a bit shocking (I think for most people) especially, the relationship with your child. But, again your life.

The question is what security is she looking for, she wants marriage, you do too. But, you want to wait but, you haven't waited for anything else in this relationship. You both need to sit down and really talk about the how's and when's.

If, this is the relationship you really want longterm with marriage, why not just get a court house marriage then save up for a wedding later? But, you do need to talk about timelines together, properly. You both have gone so fast and now are slowing down. Talk it through. Do not have a child yet, wait till school and jobs are secure for financial stability.

RooTheDayMate − You’ve moved her in and given her a child to raise — now she has no job, no ring, no marriage, no pregnancy— just plopped down into the harder years of being a couple. The reality of her dependence on you is being multiplied by all the things she reasonably wants — whilst you’re essentially patting her on the head and telling her to wait until some vague time in the future when you are “settled” and “financially secure.”.

You guys need premarital counseling, and she might need individual therapy also. But you shouldn’t blame her for having what looks like an extreme emotional response when she’s missing all the early fun parts of a relationship and simultaneously losing all of her independence.

-Patali- − Pretty simple. You have her moved in, living with you, relying on you, probably helping take care of you, your daughter...... Yet you haven't made her your wife. You're having her perform as a wife yet you're keeping her at arms length having not committed to being her husband.

Y'all could be married tomorrow, and your at home situation would be no different.  She's literally already living with you, you're ALREADY supporting her, there's no reason you need to wait. Something in YOU is hesitating to commit and your girlfriend can FEEL that and KNOWS it.....

Yet for some reason Reddit is siding with you telling you to put her on meds, get her in therapy, helping you gaslight her. You want things to be normal? Get her out of the house until YOU are ready to commit. Stop sleeping with her and having her take care of your house when you KNOW she wants to be married and have kids.

RoseAmongstThornes − After looking at your replies. She's already living like a wife and mother despite not being a wife and mother. I'd be unhappy too.

These Reddit takes swing from therapy calls to tough love, but do they capture the full weight of her stress? Is she overreacting, or is he missing her needs?

Her friend’s joyful news turned her world upside down, exposing the pressure of living as a stepmom without a clear path to her own dreams. His hesitation to commit sooner, paired with her emotional spiral, leaves their future shaky. Her story asks what it takes to realign love when life’s milestones hit hard. Would you push for a quicker commitment or urge her to seek help first? Share your thoughts—have you faced a partner’s breakdown over life’s pressures, and how did you navigate it?

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