Boyfriend’s (21M) best friend (20F) hates me (25F) and wants us to break up?

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Step into a lively apartment, where a 25-year-old woman feels her relationship unraveling under the shadow of her boyfriend’s childhood best friend. For nearly a year, her bond with her 21-year-old partner has flourished through open communication, but his 20-year-old friend’s covert hostility and boundary-pushing antics—like neck kisses and wardrobe “mishaps”—threaten to derail it all.

When the friend’s sweetness flips to venom the moment they’re alone, the girlfriend grapples with jealousy and fear of seeming controlling. Is she wrong to demand boundaries, or is the friend’s behavior a dealbreaker? Let’s dive into this Reddit drama, where loyalty and love face off against a cunning rival.

‘Boyfriend’s (21M) best friend (20F) hates me (25F) and wants us to break up?’

I seriously can't do this anymore. This is half like a vent and half a cry for help. I feel like I'm going f**king insane but I don't know what to do. I've been with my bf for almost one year. We live together. Things are going really well, this is kinda his first real, serious relationship so we had some issues at first, but we communicate a lot and he's a great guy.

Definitely the best relationship I've been in so far, outside of one thing and that's his best friend. I don't want to be controlling. He can have female friends, it's absolutely no problem. He had issues with a jealous and manipulative girlfriend (didn't last long hence why I said first serious relationship), so I don't want to be 'that girlfriend' if that makes sense.

I met his friend after a month iirc. When we first met she was very sweet, kind and incredibly bubbly. As soon as my bf left the room, she looked at me like I s**t in her cereal. She started barraging me with questions who I was, why I got with my bf and a bunch of other stuff. It was like an interrogation and she kept cutting me off. When my bf got back, she went back to the girl I met.

I was so shocked, I didn't believe what had just happened. Every single time we've been alone together since, she has been a total B**CH to me. She's never obvious about it in front of my bf, it's never enough to call her out. When she's with my bf she hovers around him, touches him or tries to be as close as possible. My boyfriend thank god tells me everything.

Until a few months ago they regularly gave each other massages.. He stopped it immediately when he saw my reaction.. Friend keeps bringing it up amongst other stuff like 'remember when we used to XXX'. She has no boundaries, she will cuddle up to him and I can't get mad because I'll look like a b**ch myself. Today she came over for dinner, and she crossed yet again another line and I'm done with it.

Bf was prepping dinner and she came up to him and hugged him from behind and KISSED his neck AND cheek. She was wearing a super low cut top and her tit 'accidentally' fell out of her shirt. Later she showed her new swimming wear to us (????) and I could have killed her right there.

I've told my bf about my concerns and he understands and listens, but he has known this girl literally since birth. I don't want to ask him to cut her off completely. He always asks if it's okay first to hang out or do something with her, but I almost need to throw up when I think what she's like when they're one on one.

I'm so lost. I'm afraid. It's clear that she's into him (why in gods name did she never tell him this?) and she's told me it's only a matter of time until he dumps me.. It doesn't help that she's way prettier, younger and more adventurous as I am.. It would be an upgrade for him.. But he has never seen her act out to me because she is very careful about it. I've thought about approaching her directly but I don't see it going well.. Sorry for my English. Any suggestions are welcome..

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Relationships thrive on trust, but this best friend’s behavior is a masterclass in sabotage. Her two-faced antics—charming in public, vicious in private—coupled with physical oversteps like kissing the boyfriend’s neck, signal a clear intent to undermine the relationship. Relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Healthy partnerships require partners to enforce boundaries with third parties” (The Gottman Institute). The friend’s actions exploit the boyfriend’s longstanding trust, while her covert hostility manipulates the girlfriend into silence to avoid seeming “jealous.”

This reflects a broader issue: third-party interference can destabilize relationships when boundaries are weak. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 50% of couples face stress from intrusive friends (Sage Journals). The boyfriend’s willingness to stop massages shows responsiveness, but his failure to address the friend’s escalating behavior suggests naivety or reluctance to confront a lifelong bond. The girlfriend’s fear of being “that girlfriend” stems from her awareness of his past manipulative ex, a dynamic the friend may be exploiting.

Dr. Gottman advises “direct communication to set firm boundaries.” The girlfriend could calmly present specific incidents to her boyfriend, emphasizing how the friend’s actions disrespect their relationship. Recording a private interaction, as Reddit suggested, could provide evidence but risks escalating drama. A united front—where the boyfriend firmly addresses his friend’s behavior—is crucial.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit erupted with outrage and advice, dissecting the friend’s motives and urging action. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take on this toxic triangle.

reditmethis101 − Why haven’t YOU said anything to this poor guy?? The two most important women in his life are lying to him by deed or omission. You guys are going to give him a complex when he finally sees what’s going on right under his nose.

FILM.IT. And then have a sit down with him and explain what’s been happening. If he resists, present your proof. And explain how you’ve been trying to not put him in a sucky position but that you can’t continue like things are now.

[Reddit User] − A few things... First off... maybe his 'jealous/manipulative ex gf' was sick and tired of putting up with your BF best friend's b**lshit. I highly doubt you're the only woman in BFs life that his best friend has tried to sabotage. Second, f**k the concept of 'controlling'. You and your BF need boundaries for this best friend.

How would you boyfriend feel if you have a male best friend that just happened to have his d**k fall out of his shorts while he was hugging and kissing you? I am pretty sure your BF would be pissed Third, definitely set up a recorder to pick up her Dr. Jekyll/Ms. Hyde routine. Your BF needs to be aware of how she is acting when he is not around.

Frankly, if I found out my 'best friend since birth' was actively being a twat and trying to sabotage my relationships I would kick him/her to the curb. That's not a friend. That's an adversary. I guess in the end you need to really have a serious talk with your BF about her.

If he can't see it, then he needs to be aware. If he does see it, he needs to set up boundaries with her. If he can't, well... he's being disrespectful to you and the relationship. There is no reason for you to be abused to be in this relationship and it's his responsibility to make sure his friends treat you with respect.

Yiyas − First and foremost: she is not better than you. If she was, she would have been the girlfriend. You can tell she's the b**ch deep down that is jealous, and physically you are probably idolising her good parts against your insecurities. You are an amazing person who stands by themselves and attracts the man.

What you have to do is tell your boyfriend to lay down some boundaries for the love of god. She will always push it as far as she can, the problem is your boyfriend is letting it go damn far. He doesn't have to cut her off as a friend - he needs to grow a spine and tell her off like the child she is behaving.

The fact that he had previous issues with an ex is his problem and I know you want to be the perfect girlfriend, but maybe the issue is him... because you saying this girl is out of line is not being controlling or jealous, and maybe the ex said the same thing. Because he has known her since he was a kid, he probably doesn't see any harm in her doing anything.

He probably doesn't think of her that way. The issue is that before you were around, she probably gave him the attention he needed to get through life. That's normal, almost addictive just the same as games, smoking, drinking, porn, etc... so it's hard to change his mind... and if you aren't diplomatic you will become the enemy.

And she knows that. She wants to break you down. She's toying with you just as much as she is toying with him. If they ever get together, she will probably get bored of him after a short while, honestly... they could never work out properly.

Whether you let a girl like that get between your relationship is a choice both of you are making  and if he thinks its easier to let her act like that rather than be with you... then he really needs to build some confidence by himself instead of relying on her attention to create it.. It's just really not that hard to say no. The hard part is making him realise it isn't normal.

[Reddit User] − Also your boyfriend should establish his boundaries with this chick. Why the hell is he letting her kiss his neck and cheek. That's crossing so many boundaries.

metastasis_d − Have you tried hitting her? Like as soon as she goes Ms. Hyde on you just haul off and slug her. Then you both pretend everything is fine when he gets back in the room.

Kingslayer-Pegasus − Why dont you show him this post? Or just tell him and lay out boundaries and stop being so soft. Just because your BF had an issue with his past relationship doesn't mean you have to be a door mat. If you would have spoken up the first time all of this could have been prevented.

So my advice to you is to stop whining and get mad and tell your BF the issues that you are having and lay out some ground rules. Obviously he is very into you if he is ignoring the advances of someone that is apparently better than you( I believe that statement is most likely wrong but you said it more to hurt yourself so dont believe it OP)

SonOfSchrute − She's not his friend, she wants to f**k him. She's a b**ch to you because she wants you GONE. If your boyfriend can't see it, or be made to see it, this relationship is doomed to fail.

Freewheelburning − God this s**t is so fake and it prays on stupidity. Like a guy is kissed by his freind on the neck and doesn't finds that weird. Lol yeah right. I always suck my homies d**k from friendliness. I mean we know each other from kinder garden.

This is exploting the 'girlfriend should be ok with anything because women are crazy and jelous and controling and demand crazy stuff like respect' internet robot never really experience it mentality. And of course, it has to be in hot.

AKA_RMc − Next time, don’t date someone with an opposite-s** best friend. These things never work out.

MrsMommaBear3 − Is it possible he sees exactly what she's doing but low key likes it? Some guys get off on this type of thing. They like being the center of attention. They like feeling like there's a little competition. He needs to set her ass straight or you should exit. She's toxic. She won't stop. She sounds kinda nutty too. Like a dew crayons short of a whole box.

These Reddit reactions are fiery, but do they nail the truth? Perhaps the friend’s boldness masks unrequited feelings, or the boyfriend’s blindness is the real issue.

This saga of sneaky kisses and sly insults poses a burning question: when does tolerating a partner’s friend become a betrayal of your own peace? The girlfriend’s struggle isn’t about controlling her boyfriend—it’s about demanding respect in a relationship tested by a cunning interloper. Love requires boundaries, not blind loyalty to old friendships. If you were caught in this drama, would you confront the friend, push your partner to act, or walk away? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this Reddit storm!

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  1. Pingback: [Update] Boyfriend's (21M) best friend (20F) hates me (25F) and wants us to break up? - Movies & TV update: News, Reviews and Trending

  2. Set up nanny cams and tape her ..make sure no one knows about the cameras…
    If you want to know how they act when they are alone..this will be the perfect way to know if he returns her advances….You can make a point of leaving them alone and say you have to go get a few groceries or you are going to uour moms for a bit..
    f doesnt return her advances then the next step is to have him get something from the car for him that you forgot or do something to make him leave the room or say sweetie i forgot your drink in the car woukd you mind getting it..
    The moment you are alone she will turn on you and this is when you say to her …if you want to be with him then maybe instead of throwing yourself at him why dont you ask him to leave me for you..then she can say everything…
    Later after she leaves you sit him down and show him how she truly is…
    say she is going to destroy every relationship you have because she wants to be with you..
    I dont know how she acts when you two are alone but it is really inapproptiate when she comes over and kisses your neck and cheek and lets her boob fall out…
    I dont know how much longer i can deal with this knowing you are letting her flaunt herself at you….
    Maybe you enjoy this but it really hurts watching this all go down in front of me
    So now you need to decide if you rather be with her or me
    Make sure you set up cameras in living room..kitchen..bedroom…
    Im curious as to how he reacted when her boob fell out or when she kissed his neck and when she showed off her body in the swimsuit…..was he drooling….
    This is strange behaviour on his part because he used to massage her until he saw how you were looking..
    So have they ever been together at all ever..because they seem a little too close and he has dated others but never her unless he has no feelings for her..so why does she keep trying unless he is absolutely clueless in knowing she wants him and thinks its normal to have her all other him…
    So buy the nanny cams and if they dont have sound then buy a voice recording pen and leave it on the table or side table but turn it on the moment you know she is arriving..the caneras are so small that you can place them anywhere
    Good luck i personally would be telling him if he didnt set boundries that i woukd be leaving..because this is a lot of drama and stressing…and is he really worth it

    Reply