I (38F) shot an adult scene when I was 18. My husband (40M) doesn’t know and I just found the video again on the internet. Should I tell him?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet living room, a 38-year-old mother scrolls through her phone, her heart sinking as a ghost from her past flickers across the screen. Twenty years ago, at 18, she impulsively stepped into an adult video shoot, a decision she’s buried under layers of shame. Now, married to the love of her life with two children, she’s horrified to find the video on a popular adult site. The fear of her husband—or worse, a colleague or friend—discovering it gnaws at her.

This Reddit confession pulls us into her turmoil: the weight of a secret kept for 15 years versus the risk of shattering her husband’s trust. It’s a story of youthful regret clashing with present-day love, where honesty might come at a cost. As readers, we feel her dread and indecision—should she confess or pray the past stays buried? Let’s unravel her dilemma.

‘I (38F) shot an adult scene when I was 18. My husband (40M) doesn’t know and I just found the video again on the internet. Should I tell him?’

Twenty years ago when I was 18 years old I shot an adult scene. I didn’t intend to shoot the scene, I was going with my friend for support and when she chickened out at the last minute I stepped in and did it.I regretted it immediately after and regretted it even more when I saw it on the internet.

The video which was about 30 minutes long made its way around, mostly being shared on file sharing servers. This was post Napster so there were a lot of knockoffs at the time. But after a while the video seemed to disappear and nobody I knew ever found out about it. I met my husband a few years after I shot that scene and I never told him.

I was ashamed and prayed that he would never find out. He never did and we’ve been married for 15 years and have two children together. He is the love of my life and he satisfies me in every way. I check frequently for that video that I made and unfortunately last week I found it again on an adult site. It’s one of the more popular sites and I am now terrified that someone will find it.

It could be someone that my husband works with or a friend of my daughters. I’m just terrified. My question is, should I finally come clean and tell my husband? I know that he won’t leave me if I do. He knows I was rather promiscuous before I met him and he’s been ok with all of the crazy things I did before him. But this is the one thing I never told him. It’s the thing I am most ashamed of and I don’t want him to ever see it.

And that is what is preventing me from telling him, because I don’t want him to see it. There are many reason for this, the biggest for me is that I don’t want my husband to feel insecure. The man I shot that scene with had a very large penis and I made kind of a big deal about it when I shot the scene.

My husband is a little above average in that area but he isn’t close to that guy, but none of the other guys I have even been with were either. I’ve had the best s** of my life with my husband and that’s the truth. But I still feel like he may lose his confidence if he sees that video. So what do I do? Should I just roll the dice and pray he never finds it or just come clean?. 

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This woman’s rediscovery of her past adult video thrusts her into a moral quagmire, where silence feels like deceit, but confession risks pain. Her fear of her husband’s insecurity—stemming from the video’s content—underscores a deeper issue of trust. Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted relationship therapist, once said, “Secrets, even those kept to protect, can erode intimacy” (Not Just Friends, 2003). Her omission, though not malicious, could wound her husband more if discovered by others.

Her dilemma reflects a broader issue: navigating past mistakes in long-term relationships. A 2019 study found 44% of married couples withhold significant secrets, often fearing judgment (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). Her shame is valid, but Dr. Glass suggests transparency with empathy—acknowledging the context of her youth and her regret. She could contact the site to request removal, though success isn’t guaranteed. Therapy might help her frame the conversation, emphasizing her love and commitment.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These opinions pack a punch, but do they oversimplify the emotional stakes? Maybe it’s less about right or wrong and more about navigating love through vulnerability.

[Reddit User] − I would tell. When in a marriage there’s no secrets. You don’t want him to find out on his own and question why you didn’t tell him. As a man I’d rather know than be surprised. If he really loves you he’ll understand and try to make it work.

Midnight_pamper − Rare he can find it in the vast poll of porn. Ask the site to delete it, sounds horrible after 20 years.

[Reddit User] − This is like the third similar post I've seen today. Guess that's the AI driven debate subject for the day!

Justahotdadbod − 47M here. If I heard it from my wife before I ever knew it existed it would shock me and I wouldn’t be happy but it would be ok. I can’t stress strongly enough how demonstrably worse it would be if a friend, colleague, my brother, etc. discovered the video and made me aware of its existence. Please find some quiet time and let him know with no interruptions. Expect him to be upset but not at you, at the situation. You’ll feel 1000 times better too

peanutbutternmtn − The right thing to do is to tell him. But you could *probably* get away with not doing it. The real questions are 1 how much is it going to eat away at you if you don’t 2 what is his reaction going to be? Unless you married a really insecure person, I don’t think the issue is going to be how big the porn dudes cock is, it’s probably that you did porn and didn’t tell him…

WilsonRachel − Can you message the site and ask them to take it down?

_MechanicalBull − Get in front of it and appoligize for not telling him sooner. He we likely be very upset so give him some breathing room.. If someone else shows it to him, that will be irreversible pain and humiliation.

FishRefurbisher − Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself what you would expect your spouse to do in this situation. I personally would want to know. That's a considerable bit of information that a reasonable person would be likely to feel strongly about. I don't know how he might react, but it was literally decades ago,

and unless you have been actively lying about it, coming clean is just a matter of being forthcoming and preventing a further 'lie of omission'. In the same situation I would be hurt and need to process it but I would work with my wife to get through it and support her however she will be needed.

johnnybadchek − Kinda funny how her friend wised up and dipped out and then she stepped in as the stunt cunt. Silver medal.

[Reddit User] − That seems like the type of thing you should've disclosed before you got married, tell him & be honest about it. Good luck.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they oversimplify the emotional stakes? Maybe it’s less about right or wrong and more about navigating love through vulnerability.

This woman’s story reminds us that the past can resurface like an uninvited guest, testing even the strongest marriages. Her love for her husband is clear, but so is her fear of shattering his trust—or his confidence. Honesty might be a rocky path, but it could deepen their bond, proving love can weather old mistakes. What would you do if a youthful regret threatened your relationship? Share your thoughts—how do you balance truth with protecting those you love?

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] I (38F) shot an adult scene when I was 18. My husband (40M) doesn’t know and I just found the video again on the internet. Should I tell him?

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  1. Pingback: [UPDATE] I (38F) shot an adult scene when I was 18. My husband (40M) doesn’t know and I just found the video again on the internet. Should I tell him? - Movies & TV update: News, Reviews and Trending