[UPDATE] I [29F] feel like I’m wasting my life by staying with my husband [29M]?

The hum of a suburban morning is broken by a woman’s quiet resolve, her patience worn thin by years of confinement. At 29, married for seven years with a young daughter, she’s tethered to a home where her dreams gather dust. Her husband’s refusal to share their single car or support her need for personal time has pushed her to a breaking point, transforming her love into resentment.

Her updated Reddit post reveals a pivotal moment, where a simple request for an hour alone is met with dismissal, crystallizing her desire for change. This story captures the unraveling of a marriage under the weight of neglect, resonating with anyone who’s felt their voice ignored. Her journey toward reclaiming her life pulls readers into a raw, relatable struggle for freedom.

For those who want to read the previous part:  I[29F] feel like I’m wasting my life by staying with my husband [29M]?

‘[UPDATE] I [29F] feel like I’m wasting my life by staying with my husband [29M]?’

I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who commented. I read them all but only got back to the first few who wrote in because yesterday turned into a s**t show. In the morning I said I wanted to go off and do my own thing (it was actually just running errands) for an hour or so alone.

He said he had s**t to do. Whatever...too early for me to be pissed off, so I dropped it. I asked again later, suggested he take our child to the park next to us since she's always asking to do stuff with daddy instead of me. Again...said no, he was going to do stuff with his hobby.

So, I broke down. I told him I needed help and that I *needed* a break from just being stuck at home 24/7 being a mom and wife. His response was that he didn't understand why I needed a break, but if I did I could just hang out in my room alone to get away from our child and him. And then asked me to make him lunch.

I think it's too late for the come to Jesus talk. I have no fucks left to give, obviously he never had any. I'm still not sure what my next move is, but I think it involves finding a job and starting a better future without him..

Her update paints a stark picture of a marriage where one partner’s needs dominate. The husband’s refusal to grant her even an hour of freedom, coupled with his audacious request for lunch, signals a profound lack of empathy. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Partnerships erode when one spouse’s bids for connection are consistently ignored”. Her isolation stems from his control over resources and time, leaving her role reduced to caretaker.

This dynamic reflects a broader issue: 41% of women in controlling relationships report diminished self-esteem, often tied to restricted autonomy. Her husband’s dismissal of her pleas mirrors emotional neglect, a subtle but damaging form of control. His failure to engage suggests he’s comfortable with her subordination, a red flag for the marriage’s viability.

Counseling could uncover whether he’s willing to change, but her plan to seek a job is a critical first step toward independence. Securing a car, even through shared financing, would grant mobility and agency.

She might also benefit from support groups for stay-at-home parents, fostering community outside her marriage. If his indifference persists, prioritizing her and her daughter’s well-being may mean preparing for separation.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s responses were a fiery mix of outrage and support. Many condemned the husband’s entitlement, likening his behavior to treating her as a servant rather than a partner. Others applauded her resolve to seek work and independence, urging her to consult a lawyer and secure resources like a car.

Some raised concerns about potential control or abuse, advising caution as she plans her next steps. These comments underscore a collective push for her to reclaim her life, reflecting frustration with her husband’s self-centeredness.

ThatRedHairedGirl − ....you voiced your concerns and he asked you to make him a sandwich essentially.. He can go f**k himself and GET A LAWYER, LIKE YESTERDAY.

nicqui − He's happy with this arrangement and he doesn't care that you're unhappy.. Don't give him any more of your fucks. Save them for your new life.

shelbyknits − I think your first move should be getting a car, in your name only if possible. Then a job, then a good look at whether being married is better than being single...

Waitingforadragon − I'm sorry he isn't listening to you.. Do you think by any chance that this relationship has crossed the line into an abusive one? Abuse doesn't always equal violence, it can equal unwanted financial control and unwanted control of movement.

Not wanting you to work or have a car can be sensible financial and practical decisions for a family . . . or they can be an attempt to control a partner and keep the partner in the home and isolated.. The fact that he didn't want you to go out even for an hour just seems odd to me.

I bring it up because if he is an abusive and controlling man it might be harder to leave him then you expect and you may have to take measures to protect yourself and your daughter.

If you can do it safely and discreetly without your internet searches being monitored by him you might want to consider looking up definitions of abuse to see if you think your husband fits the pattern.. I could be completely wrong of course and he just could be deeply insensitive and clueless about your needs.

finmeister − It's obvious he feels he's much more important than you. I've been in this situation with an ex and it SUCKS. I was constantly expected to be available for events, for errands, for s**, for this and for that, but anything I needed was too much damned effort, he always had something else to do.. So I let him go do it.

He didn't like that. Too damn bad. And guess why I stayed MUCH longer than I should have? Because this was my parents marriage, and my relationship with my mother. It looked normal. Nobody was around WITH her, they were there FOR her. Don't teach your child this is ok.

skybluebear − Tell him you have a doctor's appointment, take the car, go meet with a divorce lawyer

[Reddit User] − I was married to exactly this type of guy. I did 99.9% of the parenting and was expected to never have any needs or goals of my own. Looking back, I think he viewed our life together as *his* life, with him as the star and me in a minor supporting role.

Long story short, I finally ran out of fucks after 8 years together. It started with me asserting myself and getting a job without his 'permission', and it all pretty much unravelled from there.

Our separation was very stressful, but it was sooo incredibly worth it in the end. Once the dust settled, a friend of mine asked how I was feeling, and I told him I felt like I'd been given my life back. It's like night and day.

Since we separated, I've been able to re-establish myself and regain a normal life. I work, study, go out with friends and have time for hobbies and leisure. I feel like I've been let out of prison. I know it sounds cheesy, but it actually took a while to find myself again. 8 years with him had left me a shell of my former self.

Sorry for the me-me-me and TL;DR, I just wanted to say that I've been where you are and come out the other side, and it is FANTASTIC. You can do this. Don't let him manipulate you out of it. You've given him countless chances to address this situation and he's never cared, so any show of caring now is definitely b**lshit.

Be smart, get your ducks in a row and stay safe. Hopefully he isn't the violent/scary type, but controlling people tend to escalate things when they realise their old tricks aren't working anymore.

acciointernet − I'm still not sure what my next move is, but I think it involves finding a job and starting a better future without him.. HINT: **lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer**.

noobchee − Make him lunch y'know... The balls on that guy. F**k him off OP, you're better than this, and enjoy your future, with work, family and friends

CanuckLoonieGurl − Oh lord. Just wow. Well when you do actually drop the bomb on him fully expect him to start crying, saying I'm sorry! I just didn't realize how serious you were, bla bla bla. Ignore it. Divorce. Child support.

Your better off on your own. Sounds like you have parents nearby who can help out a bit. You will be much happier in the end. Just have to get through this s**t storm. But they always pass.

This woman’s update marks a turning point, where exhaustion gives way to action. Her story highlights the toll of emotional neglect and the courage required to break free.

Whether through a job, a car, or a new chapter entirely, her path forward promises renewal. Readers are invited to share their experiences and insights below, continuing this vital conversation about partnership and personal freedom.

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