My girlfriend 23F said she finds my best friend more attractive than me 24M?

In the dim glow of a late-night video call, a 24-year-old man’s heart sank as his girlfriend of over a year pointed at him, laughing, “Your friend looks better than… this.” Her words, meant as a “joke,” landed like a punch, echoing past comments praising his best friend’s looks while nudging him to hit the gym. For this average guy—5’10”, 150 lbs, and juggling a demanding job—her rare compliments now feel like crumbs against a buffet of criticism.

The sting lingers, gnawing at his confidence. Each text from her, claiming it was just a jest, feels hollow, especially after similar “jokes” piled up. As he wrestles with whether to face her or walk away, the hurt of being second-best in her eyes looms large. Readers, dive into a story of love tested by careless words and the quest for self-worth.

‘My girlfriend 23F said she finds my best friend more attractive than me 24M?’

My girlfriend (23F) and I (24M) have been dating over a year now and we were friends for a year before we started dating. 2 days ago I was talking with her about my best friend and a girl he met in a hostel. My best friend asked her out but the girl rejected him.

We were on a video call and my girlfriend jokingly said ''It's surprising because your friend looks better than... this(me)...and he is single.'' while she was pointing at me with her hands. I was shocked and left the video call. She texted me a couple of times saying ''it was a stupid joke'' but I can't and don't want to talk to her again.

I feel horrible. I reacted this way because this happened a few more times in the past. I showed her some pictures of my best friend and I and she always commented how he looks attractive (jokingly) and she sometimes asks me if he's coming to our city. But the thing she told me 2 days ago was the last straw.

I'm not the most attractive guy but I'm not unattractive as well. I'm just an average guy 5'10 and 150 lbs. She always tells me I need to hit the gym and I am unable to do so because of my current job. She rarely gives me compliments maybe 4-5 times in total since we started dating.

I really don't know if I'm overreacting I honestly don't feel like I want to talk to her again because it feels like whenever I see her or my best friend I'll always remember her finding him more attractive than me. She says it's a joke but I think every joke has a truth to itself. What do you think and recommend?

Words can cut deeper than knives, and this girlfriend’s “jokes” have left her boyfriend bleeding confidence. His reaction—shock, withdrawal, and doubt—isn’t overblown; it’s a natural response to repeated humiliation. Her comments, paired with gym nudges and sparse compliments, signal a lack of respect that’s eroding his self-esteem.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman warns, “Contempt, even in small doses, is a relationship killer” (Gottman Institute). Here, the girlfriend’s comparisons and mockery, even if playful, breed insecurity, especially since they target his appearance—a sensitive spot for many. Her fixation on his best friend’s looks suggests either insensitivity or deliberate manipulation, both toxic in love.

A 2023 study found 62% of young adults cite disrespectful communication as a breakup trigger (Pew Research). This man’s pain reflects a broader issue: partners must uplift, not undermine. Dr. Gottman advises addressing hurtful patterns directly—perhaps he could say, “Your comments about my looks make me feel unvalued.” If she dismisses him, ending things may be healthiest. For solutions, he should confide in trusted friends, like his best friend, for perspective and consider therapy to rebuild confidence.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s rolling up with pitchforks and empathy for this guy’s plight, dishing out advice with a side of righteous anger. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

remstage − It's not a joke she's just an a**hole. Move on and find someone who really likes you.

MaintenanceSad4288 − Ya let it be the last straw. Move on.

PeterTheRabbit1 − That's just textbook manipulation, what she's doing. She's clearly trying to make you realize that you're not attractive enough for her and that you need to work out and get athletic-looking to 'deserve' her. B**lshit behavior if you ask me. Leave her.

Ok_Carpenter8090 − As a woman, if I were to compliment my boyfriend's bf in front of him that much, it would speak volumes about my attraction. Finding someone attractive yet keeping for us because it's not necessarily more than just a basic appreciation is acceptable but always pointing it by comparing your beauty is quite odd.

Thanks to her, now you are feeling insecure and compared to your bf and I suggest you tell her you are not okay at all with that asap even if you were to break up. Secondo, if you haven't spoken to your best friend about it yet, I highly suggest you tell him. I think it's better if you don't hide how you feel seriously. You're young, you're free, keep it together and never let a girl put you down or make you feel like you're less. Gotcha ?

Pentekont − She could have said 'He is an attractive guy, I'm surprised', telling you to hit the gym, that you are not as attractive is a s**tty behavior, ask yourself is this something you want to hear in 1,3, 5 years? The person your dating should not make you feel bad.

You are just starting on your dating journey, take it from someone at 40. If it feels complicated or does not make you feel good, it's probably not a relationship you should stay in. I know it's hard but there are gonna be other amazing women that you will have amazing relationships with.

Fried_0nion_Rings − It’s worth it to not have to think about this everytime you see her. Peace of mind and mental health is worth a lot.. I can look back on past relationships and feel relief they’re not still going on.

CrazyGlizzy − NEVER stay with a partner who is comparing you to others, huge red flag. Leave, there’s almost 8 billion people in the world.. you’ll be fine brother, one day at a time.

trishsf − Wow. How incredibly mean. Words hurt. They cut. Add in that she’s wanting you to become athletic and go to the gym? Find someone who accepts you and celebrates you for exactly who you are. I’m so sorry. That’s beyond mean.

Ruthless_Bunny − Contempt is the death of relationships.. I’d end it, you don’t need this negativity.

No-Flight8947 − She's a horrible person, you can do better

These Redditors are cheering for a clean break, but is it that simple? Can a tough talk save this couple, or is the damage done?

This man’s story is a gut-check: love should lift you up, not tear you down. His girlfriend’s “jokes” exposed a crack in their bond, leaving him to weigh his worth against her words. Whether he confronts her or walks away, his peace of mind comes first. Have you ever faced a partner’s cutting remarks disguised as humor? How did you reclaim your confidence? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack what it means to be truly valued in love!

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