Trust in Tatters: What Did He Tell His Parents Before I Met Them?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine stepping into a lively family gathering, your heart racing with the excitement of meeting your boyfriend’s parents for the first time. The air buzzes with warmth—until a bombshell drops. Your partner, in a casual chat, has spilled your deeply personal medical history, even tossing in a false claim about cancer. For one 29-year-old woman, this betrayal turned a joyful weekend into a moment of embarrassment and distrust, leaving her to pick up the pieces of a relationship just five months old.

The sting of having her privacy exposed, especially after stressing its importance, feels like a crack in a fragile vase. Readers can sense her shock, the awkwardness of correcting a lie in front of strangers, and the ache of wondering if trust can be rebuilt. As she grapples with this violation, the story invites us to ask: how do you move forward when someone you care about crosses a sacred line?

‘Trust in Tatters: What Did He Tell His Parents Before I Met Them?’

Basically the title here. I have a few chronic conditions and see 9 specialists for them all. I've never had cancer--i had a benign melanoma mole once years ago but nothing that would be classified as cancer. I was in the hospital just before I met my boyfriend for anemia and was never able to find a reason for it, but it's not cancer.

I've told my boyfriend on at least two occasions that I am guarded about my medical history as people in the past, especially romantic partners, have used it to their advantage to get out of work or get sympathy, and in return never took care of me when I needed it.

So I generally don't tell people when I'm sick or in the ER because of it. I met his parents for his birthday weekend. It was the first time. The night before I met them, he texts me that he 'told them all about me and they were excited to meet me.'

I thought this was really cute at first. But I get to his house in the morning and I ask what he said so I don't repeat too much and he said 'well I told them you have xxx condition and you were in the hospital for anemia and that you had leukemia.'

I was taken aback and said 'I never had leukemia.' He kind of just went 'oh. Guess you'll want to clear that up with them then.' So the second thing I said to his parents was clarifying I never had cancer. I was embarrassed by it and he made it seem like no big deal and immediately changed topics.

I feel really violated that he would disclose such information without my consent and I feel really disappointed and unheard that after 5 months of being very close, he still doesn't know what my conditions are and moreover didn't even bother to check what leukemia is or of I had it.. I feel a huge loss of trust and affection now. How would you proceed?

Having your private medical history shared without consent feels like a rug pulled out from under you. The original poster (OP) is reeling from her boyfriend’s careless disclosure, compounded by his incorrect claim she had leukemia. Her guardedness about her chronic conditions, shaped by past partners exploiting her health, makes this breach particularly painful. His nonchalant response—suggesting she clear it up herself—shows a lack of empathy, undermining their closeness after five months.

This taps into a broader issue: respecting boundaries in new relationships. A 2023 study by the Pew Research Center found that 72% of adults value privacy in personal health matters, yet partners often misjudge what’s shareable (pewresearch). Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Trust hinges on respecting what a partner deems private, especially early on” (psychologytoday). The boyfriend’s error, while not malicious, ignored the OP’s explicit wishes, shaking her confidence in him.

The OP’s update shows promise—he apologized sincerely and committed to learning about her conditions. Couples counseling could help them set clear boundaries, with him practicing active listening to understand her needs. She might journal her feelings to articulate boundaries firmly, like limiting what he shares with others. Broadly, society often undervalues medical privacy, leaving partners to navigate these talks without guidance.

Moving forward, the OP should monitor his efforts to rebuild trust, ensuring he respects her privacy consistently. Open dialogue, as they’ve started, can strengthen their bond if both commit.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit gang rolled in like a lively book club, serving up spicy takes and thoughtful nudges. Here’s the raw scoop:

[Reddit User] − I've be OUT. He doesn't understand boundaries, violated yours for no reason and gave incorrect information making you feel betrayed. How much more are you going to put up with?

trilliumsummer − You know you can break up with someone you've known only 5 months when they make you feel violated, lie about you, make you fix that lie, and don't f**king pay attention to what you say to know you don't have cancer - right? Like dating is to see if you're compatible with someone. Are you compatible with this? Or is it best to move on to someone else?. Dating does not mean fixing someone.

GameboyPATH − Have you talked to him yet about your thoughts and feelings about this? That'd be a good starting point. My advice would be to take time and space to yourself to consider: Is there anything that can be said or done - by him, you,

or both of you - that'd help you rebuild trust in him and your relationship? If so, then share it with him, and get his buy-in. If not, then I wouldn't see a point in continuing a relationship with someone you can't trust.

Weak_Reports − Not the point of your post, but there is no such thing as benign melanoma. Melanoma is a cancer. There is no such thing as a benign cancer. You can have stage 0 which is contained to the epidermis, but that is still cancer. You can have an atypical mole which is sometimes called pre-cancerous, but that’s not a melanoma.

HotFox4151 − He’s a gossip. My mother was like that. She loved to gossip about other people’s medical issues but could never pick up the phone to ask how they are. As a result my mother’s no longer has one of her children or her grandchildren in her life.

It’s your decision on whether you want to keep this man in your life but be aware it is a huge red flag and he is unlikely to change. He will not see why it is an issue and will do the same with your info every time and to everyone.

These Redditors split the room—some urged the OP to bolt, citing her boyfriend’s boundary blunder as a dealbreaker, while others pushed for a heart-to-heart to salvage things. Their fiery debate raises a question: does one misstep doom a relationship, or can communication mend the cracks? The crowd’s buzzing, but the OP’s update suggests she’s betting on teamwork.

This tale of a misplaced confidence and a shaky trust reminds us that relationships thrive on respect for personal boundaries. The OP’s hurt is raw, but her boyfriend’s willingness to listen offers a glimmer of hope. By talking it out, they might turn this stumble into a stronger partnership. What would you do if a partner shared something deeply personal without your okay? Share your stories—how do you rebuild trust after a boundary’s crossed?

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