[UPDATE] Me [27 M] with my wife [29 F] 4 years, I’m getting really fed up being the bottom of the list in my wife’s life?

In a quiet kitchen, sunlight spills over a table where a 27-year-old man sits, his face heavy with betrayal. What began as a marriage filled with hope has crumbled into a painful truth: his wife, expecting his death from cancer, resents his survival and her childless life. Her tears, once a shield, now hide lies and infidelity, leaving him to pick up the pieces of a shattered bond.

This updated saga, raw with heartbreak, dives deeper into a couple’s unraveling. The husband’s journey—from feeling like an errand boy to uncovering his wife’s cruel expectations—strikes a chord, inviting readers to ponder: how do you heal when love was built on a lie?

For those who want to read the previous part: Me [27 M] with my wife [29 F] 4 years, I’m getting really fed up being the bottom of the list in my wife’s life?

‘[UPDATE] Me [27 M] with my wife [29 F] 4 years, I’m getting really fed up being the bottom of the list in my wife’s life?’

We finally had “the conversation” on Monday afternoon. It started with, as predicted, a wall of tears when I brought up our relationship but following the advice I just kept going. I think I sat at the kitchen table for almost 5 hours in total until she finally gave in and sat down to talk without crying.

There was a whole lot of resentment built up towards me which was why she couldn't face me and tried to keep me busy so I did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship. She brought up a lot of things that I did wrong, the fact that I only work 5 hours a week and that's not fair, that I make her feel inadequate by doing everything so well while being ill as well.

That I only eat real food and don’t drink which is not fair on her, that I have a better relationship with her mom than she does, the fact that I am really skinny and she has to battle with her weight, that I have a loving family and she doesn’t , and that I am not good at s** which really hurt as she is my one and only and I thought I was doing OK.

None of that hurt as much as what she said right towards the end of a heated exchange when she blurted out that I 'should be dead by now'. After I had had a break and calmed down, I came back into the kitchen to face a diatribe where the long and short of it is she does want children badly; she doesn't want to be married to me because I'm stopping her having them and I'm sick which she is tired of,

and only went ahead with getting married knowing we couldn't because she thought I would have died by now. She then confessed (not sure that is the right word more like blurted out angrily) that throughout our dating and engagement she had wanted to end it because she didn't want to marry a dying man but could not face telling everyone because they would have thought she was callous.

She said felt she was pressured into marrying me because I was sick, she had thought that I would not survive and when I died she could find someone else who could have kids. I was really upset so I left to go to the den and stayed there for the rest of the night; I didn’t sleep much but thought we could work it through and we could find a way for her to have kids even if I wasn’t around.

I’d even found some agencies that would consider IVF for us given my family would definitely be there for the long haul even if I wasn’t. In the morning I made breakfast and waited, she surfaced at about 9 and so I sat her down at the kitchen table and I calmly told what I was thinking about asked her what she wanted to do?

Again I got a wall of tears but waited them out, then I got a really angry response which made no sense. She said she might not be able to have children anyway, so we should stay together until I die, and that it was my fault she wouldn't be able to have kids. I knew there was a possibility that conceiving could be difficult for her as she'd had a really bad gynaecological infection a few months after my last chemo round.

We argued about this for ages, that she couldn’t know until she tried, that her position did not make sense, she argues against IVF as an option saying it was too difficult for her, that is she really wanted kids naturally then it would-be best to split and her find someone who could give her that. Over the space of an hour, it became clear that the infection was not something simple as I had thought.

I could not understand how an infection could make you infertile and kept asking what it was. She was really evasive until I made her tell that the infection was chlamydia. Although she didn't say it out loud just cried when I asked was the result of an affair. When I realised what she had finally (not) said through the tears I left, didn't say anymore just collected the dogs from the yard, piled into my Landy and went to my brothers.

I spent most of the day in bed crying until my brother got me on Skype with my big sis and mum who were great and really practical. Then I went over to my sis’s place to exercise the dogs with her and that made me feel a little better. So since yesterday I’ve had 100+ ignored calls and texts from her, and she’s tried to call my brothers, parents and sisters. Mer mom has called 10+ times.

My brother has texted her and her mom to leave me alone and that I’ll be in touch when I figure it out. She showed up at his house while I was at my sister's but he sent her away. For me its the end. I don't want be with someone who has had an affair, who doesn’t like me, who resents what they have given up because of me, who lies, who tells me I’m the one and only partner she’s ever had,

who is emotionally weak  who the f**k gets married because they don't want to seem callous. I’ve wasted the past four years on her, f**k. Plan for the rest of today is to pick up my big sis who is flying in from DC with her wife and go with them to see a lawyer they know, pick over how to get out of this mess quickly.

She’s not a divorce lawyer herself but her firm drew up the prenup so it will be good to have her around. Then she, my brother and sister, and various spouses and friends, are going over to the house to collect my things and clear my den/office. I’ll give my soon to be ex about 1/4 hours notice we are coming over but I won’t go in and I can stay in van if she’s there.

I’m gonna be moving into mum and dads old house with my sister for a while, there’s loads of space and the dogs will love it. (For info I’m pretty sure I’m clean of STI’s because we didn't have s** during that time and I have my bloods done every month but have booked in for extra tests on Thursday - an infection could have killed me but perhaps this was her plans all the way along)

This couple’s collapse exposes a toxic mix of resentment and deceit. The husband, initially burdened by endless tasks, discovers his wife’s marriage was a gamble on his death, compounded by her affair and chlamydia infection. Her “wall of tears” and blame-shifting reveal emotional manipulation, a tactic to avoid accountability. His decision to leave reflects self-preservation, as her actions—marrying under false pretenses and cheating—erode trust beyond repair.

This situation mirrors broader issues of relational deception. Partners who harbor hidden motives often create imbalanced dynamics, where one feels trapped or used. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Successful couples turn toward each other’s bids for connection, even in small moments.” Here, the wife’s refusal to engage honestly or seek therapy blocked any chance of repair, leaving the husband emotionally abandoned.

The wife’s fixation on children and her projection of blame suggest unresolved grief or shame, possibly intensified by her infertility fears. Yet, her infidelity and lies cross ethical lines, making reconciliation untenable. Advice: The husband should prioritize solo therapy to process betrayal and rebuild self-worth. Leaning on family, as he’s doing, is key. Legal steps, like leveraging the prenup, ensure a clean break.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s reactions are a fiery mix of outrage and empathy, like a group of friends rallying around a wronged pal. Here’s what the community had to say:

arciela − Having read your original post and what she said I'm wondering if there wasn't a motive towards your money as well. If you were bringing in 95% of the income and there was a healthy prenup, what did your will look like? Sole inheritance to your widow? Hell, even if you gave it all away her elective share would probably be fairly healthy on a whole.

You said in your original post you've been battling for 11 years? I mean, s**t, you'd already managed to beat your original prognosis by at least 5 years by the time you married her. Why did she think you were going to just be dead within 4 years of being married? If not sooner?

Honestly the whole thing feels disgustingly advantageous. I am sorry that you have to go through all this but you sound like you have an awesome support system who is there for you 100%. Cut her loose and move through it to move on.

erinkella − F**k. I almost commented on the last post how manipulative she seemed with her constant 'wall of tears' and refusal to discuss anything but decided against it as the other commenters had it more than covered.. ....But this....this is just....inhuman.

I'm so, so sorry for you but SO, SO happy for you that you've rid yourself of at least ONE cancer from your life entirely. Because that's exactly what the f**k she is. I hope she lives a miserable, wretched life. Grab a hold of those pups and give them lots of love, hang around your family for awhile as planned and try to keep your head up. You are SO much better off.

svo_svangur − Does her cheating violate the prenup?

Fluffynutterbutt − Just so you know, bloodwork of any kind wouldn't show chlamydia, you have to provide a urine sample (or get a urethral swab test, but that's only for symptomatic cases). And it's not included in routine urinalysis, either.

Docs don't usually order STI testing on cancer patients, so just make sure to ask specifically about getting tested! And you should probably get checked for everything else out there, who knows what you've been exposed to 😕

[Reddit User] − Cold. Blooded.. I'm so sorry, OP. You deserve so much better than this.

wumr125 − Holy s**t. What a horrible human being. Absolutely revolting and pathetic.. Your ex is unworthy of love.. good f**king riddance. You deserve so much better OP.

Hasenfeffer − After I had had a break and calmed down, I came back into the kitchen to face a diatribe where the long and short of it is she does want children badly; she doesn't want to be married to me because I'm stopping her having them and I'm sick which she is tired of,

and only went ahead with getting married knowing we couldn't because she thought I would have died by now.  This is one of the most fucked up things I've read on this sub. Holy s**t that really makes me sick to think about, I can't imagine how you must feel.

arcxiii − Damn, I'm really sorry. I'm glad you have a great support system. Hang in there.

[Reddit User] − I'm so glad you got a prenup man. This woman sounds vile to the very core. An absolute succubus that blames others for her own shortcomings. Keep your head up high, nothing of value was lost. You will heal and be stronger, but she will never change.

[Reddit User] − Holy crap, I'm so sorry!!! She has been a terrible person, and you have been amazing. This is going to hurt and suck for a while. You fought through the tears and lies and finally got her to be honest,and while the outcome isn't what you wanted, at least now you can stop wasting your time with someone that shallow. Hang on to your family, they sound wonderful!

These opinions raise a question: do they capture the full weight of the wife’s betrayal, or is there more to her story we’re missing?

This update lays bare a marriage undone by lies, where one partner’s survival became another’s resentment. The husband’s exit, backed by family, marks a reclaiming of his worth, but the scars of betrayal linger. How do you move forward when trust is shattered? Share your thoughts: what would you do after uncovering such a painful truth?

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