My fiance 35M is against me 30F buying us property, as he wants us to live with his parents. Would you buy a house, even if it means the end of a relationship?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a quaint Central European town, where a 30-year-old woman stands at a crossroads, her savings ready to secure her dream house. Yet, her fiancé, a 35-year-old tethered to his parents’ home, balks at her plan, insisting they live with his in-laws instead. His push for immediate children and bruised ego over her financial independence cast shadows on their engagement. She craves a nest for their future family, but his vision merges her into his parents’ world, leaving her walking on eggshells.

This isn’t just about a house—it’s about clashing dreams and the courage to claim one’s own path. Torn between love and her lifelong goal, she fears buying the property could unravel their relationship. Her story echoes the tension of balancing personal desires with partnership. Let’s delve into this heartfelt dilemma and explore her next steps.

‘My fiancé 35M is against me 30F buying us property, as he wants us to live with his parents. Would you buy a house, even if it means the end of a relationship?’

Since my fiancé(male 35) proposed we have become very distant. He doesn't want to leave his parent's house and wishes us to move in with my in-laws. No plans to add a second kitchen, or create a relatively private environment for us.

I was studying for many years in different countries and used to live with plenty of roommates, but I feel like I need to finally settle and have some nest for my family only. Also, he pushes me to get pregnant as soon as possible - as he is in his 35s, and it's about time.

I am 30, but not ready for the kids, especially under this pressure. Nor do I want to live with the in-laws. They are good people, they love me, but I feel like walking on eggshells when I am visiting them. All I ever dreamt of was my own house.

And I have saved some solid sum to buy one, even tho it still needs more investment before we can move in. There is a problem - I have never been so close to my dream, but also I am torn between my fiancé, who is stubbornly against me buying anything.

According to him, he doesn't want to live in a property bought with my money, that's hurting his ego. However, he does not agree to rent one together. . If I get my place, I believe we are over. What would you do in my shoes?

Choosing between love and a lifelong dream is like picking a melody when your partner hears a different tune. This woman’s fiancé clings to his parents’ home, dismissing her need for independence, while his rush for kids and ego-driven objections to her money signal control issues. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, notes, “Compatibility in life goals is the cornerstone of lasting partnerships; misalignment breeds resentment”

Her discomfort with in-law living, despite their kindness, reflects a natural need for autonomy, honed by years of independent study abroad. His refusal to consider renting together or using his own flat suggests inflexibility, while his “forever guest” comment reveals a rigid view of gender roles. Her psychologist’s advice to be “submissive” misfires, ignoring her valid boundaries.

This ties to a broader issue: autonomy in relationships. A 2023 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 62% of women prioritize personal goals over partner expectations, especially in their 30s (JSPR). Dr. Orbuch advises, “Negotiate core values early to avoid dealbreakers.” His push for kids under pressure further strains trust, especially given her unreadiness.

For solutions, she should initiate a candid talk, outlining her need for a private home and delayed parenthood, proposing compromises like co-investing in a property later. If he doubles down, couples therapy could clarify their compatibility. Buying the house, even solo, protects her dream; if it ends the relationship, it may reveal his priorities. Securing tamper-proof birth control ensures her timeline. Her heart deserves a home—literal and emotional.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew charged in like neighbors at a town hall, wielding blunt advice and red-flag alerts for this woman’s plight. They unpacked her fiancé’s stance with fervor. Here’s the lively scoop:

Healthy-Magician-502 − Buy the house. Your fiancé isn’t ready to adult, and it’s never going to get better if he doesn’t leave his parents’ house. The pushing for a baby business is also a giant red flag. He’s trying to trap you and lock you down so you’ll be dependent upon him. Lock up your birth control asap.

Dear-Midnight − Buy the house, move into it, and lock the damn door. This guy is a walking red flag.

Purple_Bowling_Shoes − Get your own place. Do not live with your in-laws. I scream this every chance I get: unless it's absolutely necessary DO NOT LIVE WITH YOUR IN-LAWS.  Even if they're the most lovely people in the world it is an unnecessary stress and you'll never truly feel at home.  Get your place. If he leaves you over this it's for the best. Trust me. I live with my MIL. I love her as my own mother, but it is a horrible situation to be in. 

Quirky_Difference800 − Buy the house , lose the man child.

EntertainingTuesday − I really don't get this, perhaps it is a cultural thing, he is 35 and wants his soon to be wife to live with his parents?. Does he not have money so you could buy the property together? I think this situation is very telling, even if you did get him to agree to move out, he has already shown you what he wants,

and it is to stay with his parents forever. The question is, is what you want reasonable? The answer is yes, so you should go for it, don't let your partner hold you back or force you into living with his parents (which you won't like).

Chassy1337 − Get a house and life your life as you want it. You already answered it for yourself: You want different things than he does, he pushes you into a life that you don’t want to live in. Make a clean cut, this guy sounds like a red flag. Better it hurts now a bit than waking up and regretting everything you renounced yourself.

localdisastergay − Building a life with someone requires agreeing on what you want that life to look like. There are some things a couple can compromise on and some that will fundamentally be dealbreakers. For example, if he wants to have kids ASAP and you’d rather wait 3-4 years, a possible compromise could be starting to try for kids in about a year.

Living with parents/in-laws isn’t really something you can compromise on, especially because there won’t be any kind of private/separate space. You either do it or you don’t and you shouldn’t do it if you’ll be miserable. I’m also worried about his attitude towards living somewhere that you bought and his claim that it’s hurting his ego.

That seems to be a potential red flag around attitudes towards women, your independence and his need to feel like he’s got a certain role in your relationship. If you’re going to stay with him, I really suggest you have some deep, investigative conversations about this.

Honestly, it looks from my perspective like the things you want from your life and the things he wants from his might be too different to be compatible. Make sure your birth control is something he can’t tamper with and consider your next steps.

TrifleMeNot − Don't marry this child. You deserve your own home! Go get it Gurl!!!

Beginning_Ad_5298 − We were together for 1 beautiful year before that. Lots of trips and experiencing new things together. I knew this might lead to marriage one day. It's his first serious relationship (35y!?) and I knew he was very close with his mom and dad.

He was treating everyone with respect and kindness. Honestly, this is also our biggest issue - he only sees us living with the in-laws. I said yes because we were ready for marriage and kids. But for me, it means creating our own family, for him adding me to the existing one.

The house I found is close to his family in the same town because I wanted to compromise. Our disagreements are red flags for me and are the main points why I don't want to rush with marriage or kids. My BF invested in rebuilding their old house a few years back and it looks nice.

However, it just has one separate room, and the rest is a common space. The mother is a great example of an educated German teacher and splendid housekeeper - she washes and cooks for him. We are just two very different women, even though we are fine during our family gatherings.

This is what hurts him the most - why I am not moving into their house - 'My parents treated you so well. Instead, you want me to live (and possibly invest) into a house that you have bought with your money. I will be feeling there as a forever guest'.

On top of that, he also has a flat that he rents. He has never offered, and I did not dare to suggest living there together. I don't put my nose into his business, nor do I have the right to decide on his property. I am far from being ideal - overweight, always anxious, working long hours (managerial position), and could work better on our relationship.

My psychologist made it worse stating that it is my duty as a woman to be more submissive, loving, and sneaky. To try living with the in-laws and then with years, my fiancé might agree to be more independent. To be honest, I don't know what women should do and shouldn't... the relationships are not ideal,

and it's fine... But I often think - 'Am I normal, for not wanting to have kids from him now? Maybe I am sabotaging my happiness by not finding a compromise and following my dream. I will have a house to live there alone?'...

Thank you all, for answering. You are right, we might think we are similar and in love, but our needs are very different which destroys our possible future.. PS.: No, we are not an Indian family... We live in Central Europe.

This_Grab_452 − Living with the in-laws would be a dealbreaker to me already and it sounds like it is to you, too.. You’re also on a different timeline when it comes to children and he has a problem with you investing. This looks like there are way more issues than just you buying a house and all of them appear to be deal breaking.

Redditors roared for her to buy the house, branding her fiancé a “man-child” for clinging to his parents and stifling her independence. His ego-driven objections and kid pressure sparked warnings of control, with many urging her to prioritize her dream. Their passionate takes highlight a truth: love shouldn’t cage your goals, and her dream house might just set her free.

This woman’s story is a stark reminder that love thrives on shared visions, not ultimatums. Her fiancé’s push to live with his parents and rush into parenthood clashes with her dream of a private home, threatening their future. Buying her house may cost her the relationship, but it could save her autonomy. Have you ever faced a partner whose dreams clashed with yours? How did you choose your path? Share your stories below to keep this heartfelt conversation alive.

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