[UPDATE] My partner (36F) threw away my (38M) grandma’s secret recipe and I can’t forgive her?

In a sunlit kitchen, a man once found solace thumbing through his late grandmother’s recipe book, each page a thread to his family’s past. But that comfort turned to ash when his partner admitted to throwing out a cherished rum cake recipe—not by mistake, but in a jealous fit over his cooking prowess. Her initial lie, claiming the recipe was “wrong,” unraveled into a confession of insecurity, leaving him reeling.

This updated saga of betrayal cuts deeper, exposing a partner’s hidden envy and a relationship teetering on the edge. Her apology, overshadowed by deliberate malice, fuels his struggle to forgive. It’s a poignant tale of love tested by petty resentment, where a single act of destruction threatens to unravel years of trust.

For those who want to read the previous part: My partner (36F) threw away my (38M) grandma’s secret recipe and I can’t forgive her?

‘[UPDATE] My partner (36F) threw away my (38M) grandma’s secret recipe and I can’t forgive her?’

I hope you're all doing well. Just wanted to give you an update on the situation I mentioned earlier. Thank you for your advice and support. Your words have been really helpful during this tough time. Since my last post, I talked to my partner about what happened.

It turns out she threw away the recipe not because she thought it was wrong but because she was jealous of my cooking skills. At first she denied any bad intentions and tried to downplay the importance of the recipe book. But as we talked more she finally admitted feeling jealous and insecure.

It was surprising because I had never seen this side of her before. She said she has always been a little insecure about her own cooking skills. I had no idea. She feels like I 'outshine her in the kitchen' (her words) especially after receiving all the compliments from her family last time we hung out.

So in a fit of jealousy she decided to throw away the recipe thinking it would somehow even the score. Needless to say I was hurt and disappointed. I couldn't understand why she would let her jealousy get the best of her and intentionally hurt me.

We had always supported and uplifted each other in our relationship so this behavior was completely out of character. She apologized and promised to work on her insecurities and jealousy but honestly I don’t think I can forgive her and move on from this.. Once again I wanted to say thank you all for your support and advice

Jealousy can poison even the strongest bonds, and this partner’s act of sabotage lays bare its destructive power. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Unaddressed envy often leads to covert aggression, like destroying something meaningful to a partner”.

The partner’s decision to discard the recipe, driven by insecurity over his cooking, reveals a lack of emotional maturity. Her initial lie and dismissive attitude amplify the betrayal, eroding trust. Her confession, while a step toward honesty, doesn’t erase the intent behind her actions.

Studies show 65% of couples face trust issues due to unresolved conflicts, per the American Psychological Association. This incident highlights a broader issue: the danger of letting personal insecurities harm a partner’s cherished connections. Dr. Heitler suggests couples therapy to address underlying issues, but only if both commit to change.

The man faces a crossroads—her apology may signal remorse, but her deliberate act and lack of empathy raise red flags. He could explore therapy to process his grief and assess the relationship’s viability. Protecting the remaining recipes, perhaps by digitizing them, ensures his grandmother’s legacy endures. This painful moment underscores the need for partners to confront insecurities openly, not through harm.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users expressed outrage at the partner’s jealousy-driven actions, viewing her destruction of the recipe as a deliberate betrayal. Many criticized her lack of maturity, arguing that a 36-year-old resorting to such petty sabotage signals deeper issues.

Some urged the man to end the relationship, citing her disregard for his emotional attachment as a dealbreaker. Others shared personal stories of safeguarding family heirlooms, emphasizing the recipe’s irreplaceable value and the need to protect the book from further harm.

Bonnm42 − So a 36 year old woman, in a fit of jealousy, threw out a very sentimental piece of family history. Instead of using her words, like an adult, she thought this was the best course. I would run, not walk away OP. If not, hide anything valuable in case she gets jealous of something in the future…

Specialist-Ad5796 − I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone like her.. This isn't over a recipe. It's the fact that she doesn't give a f**k.

totamealand666 − Imagine having a partner that is good at cooking and being jealous instead of thrilled? That's sad.

Milly_Melon − I am just 🤯 after reading this! If I would ever get a secret recipe from my bf´s family oehhh i would guard that with whatever i have, try out the recipe even knowing it would never be as good as the original one. But throwing it away because you're jealous instead of embracing and honor it, nahhhh definitely red flag, do whatever you want. But this is just insane🤯

[Reddit User] − My boyfriend and his ex co-parent their two kids and one time he was in a pickle (on his day) and she picked up their two kids from school and dropped them off at his house. When he came home he found a framed photo of me and my boyfriend on the floor, ripped. She said she accidentally dropped it.

She does stupid stuff like that all the time and my bf is so used to it. If I didn’t react so strongly and offended to it, he almost seems to think it’s her normal. I mean she HAS done weirder stuff in the past.. Yeah- I wouldn’t date crazy people.

nerdmama86 − Leave her. When my Grandmother passed I was too young to be allowed to keep her recipe book so it went to an aunt I haven't seen since her funeral. Years later when going through my mom's (her daughter in law) recipe cards I found half of an old recipe written out in my grandmother's spidery cursive.

That old card might be absolutely useless, but I keep it to this day. She's been gone for 25 years and just seeing that silly card gives me comfort. I'm so sorry she ruined that recipe for you, but I'm so glad she didn't destroy the whole book. I'd put it away somewhere really safe. Maybe make photo/digital copies and put the original away.

maroongrad − I firmly believe your Grandma would look at you and say 'It's worth losing my recipe to keep you from an unhappy marriage.' I'm sorry the woman you love isn't the person you thought she was, and was willing to destroy something that was valuable to you out of jealousy.

Jealousy over something like cooking no less! There are CLASSES for cooking! I'm sorry too that you lost months or years on her and that you were misled. But please accept this as the price to pay to see her true self. And make her 'fess up to all the other things she's done.

This is pretty major, there's definitely been a lot of other stuff. Go check with an ex of hers if you think you're at risk of getting back with her and find out what she's done in the past to THEM.. This isn't a one-time event. I'm so sorry. I know it hurts.

adding: My husband said time to scram the reactor. Start getting things out of the house. Then burn-the-house and salt-the-ground or you'll never get rid of her. He also said 'What do you think is going to happen when this person reaches 40? Best block no be there, Daniel-san!'

He's had some experience, please listen to him. End everything on a note that will keep her from ever coming after you again or you're going to be harassed online and such for years. His ex used to stop by his shop (boss wouldn't let her go back to his area, yay boss!) until he was actually married to me! And that's AFTER he went full-nuclear on her!

Mama_bongo − Leave her!!!!!!

[Reddit User] − What will be her next unreasonable response to a problem? This is a bad start to a huge problem.

Kaiser93 − You seriously gonna continue the relationship? Dude, d**p her.

This updated tale reveals a chilling truth: jealousy can turn love into sabotage. The man’s loss of his grandmother’s recipe, compounded by his partner’s envy and deceit, casts a long shadow over their future.

Whether he seeks reconciliation or walks away, his story is a stark reminder that trust demands respect for what matters most. Share your experiences below—how have you handled a partner’s hurtful actions, and what guided your path forward?

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