My (25f) fiancé (23m) is gone for the weekend, and I’m enjoying myself too much?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a sunlit apartment, the hum of a vacuum cleaner gave way to an impromptu dance party for one. A 25-year-old woman, twirling through her living room, felt a rush of joy she hadn’t expected. Her fiancé, away for a weekend job, left behind a quiet space she transformed into her personal haven. The dishes sparkled, the floors gleamed, and her heart sang—until his call reminded her of their tangled chore disputes.

This fleeting freedom unveiled a deeper unease. She loves her fiancé, her “boobear,” but his half-hearted cleaning and dismissive attitude cast shadows over her bliss. Readers feel her tug-of-war: the thrill of solitude versus the guilt of not missing him. Her story, raw and relatable, invites us to ponder—can a relationship thrive when alone time feels this good?

‘My (25f) fiancé (23m) is gone for the weekend, and I’m enjoying myself too much?’

My(25f) fiancé (23m) left a few days ago for a job. We both work in creative industries and tend to work on short term contracts, as well as bartending on the weekends to keep money consistent. We’ve been living together for almost 2 years. He’s left before to visit family, but this time, I was excited for him to leave.

Usually I feel bad when he goes because I feel like I’ll miss him. Last year he had a really stressful contract. During that time I picked up some extra household chores, and since then we’ve argued about them. I didn’t mind doing them throughout the project, but we already have difficulty dividing household chores.

I take a long time to do them, and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m a perfectionist who cleans every inch of something once I start, or if it’s because I’m not getting as much help as I’m being told I am… I feel like I’ve always been calling out for help. I ask for us to do it, and I get an attitude, a list of other things he has to do like work (when we work the same jobs) and a time limit.

It’s not a set time limit, but his helpfulness has a battery and it gets low quickly. Even when he does a task, it’s also done slow AND it’s half-assed. I have to go in and tweak the work he does- we don’t have the same definition of clean. His is that every thing LOOKS clean- and mine is that every inch -even the ones we don’t see - should be done.

We live in a historic building and I’m not risking bugs. Sorry. We made slight peace with it before he left… slight.. Then he actually left. I danced in the living room. I sang in the kitchen. I finished a project- I cooked myself a friggin awesome dinner. I tidied up all of my spaces to enjoy. I went to work. I came home.

It was still CLEAN and I danced and sang all over again. I woke up the next day and to make a long story short- lived my best life. I’m having a BLAST. Then he called me to tell me how much he missed me… and I felt so weird. I’m not painting him in the best light in this story but he truly is my best friend. My heart.

My boobear. It’s not that I don’t want to be with him, I am just enjoying my own company so much that I didn’t miss him. He is so kind and loving and I love him but not being able to reciprocate that feeling left me feeling weird. And then a little resentful about the cleaning stuff.

I don’t want to have more fun without him. I don’t want to feel relieved when he leaves because it means I’ll actually get something done. Is this fixable?? It’s been on and off for two years this cleaning thing. But me not missing him when he’s gone…?. I’m scared.

A sparkling kitchen shouldn’t spark relationship doubts, but for this woman, it does. Her fiancé’s absence brought relief from their chore wars—she’s a meticulous cleaner, while he’s content with surface-level tidiness. Her joy in a pristine home clashes with his dismissive attitude, leaving her resentful and questioning her feelings. Both sides have merit: her high standards stem from a historic apartment’s needs, while his frustration reflects their shared workload.

This reflects a common issue: unequal chore division strains relationships. A 2021 Pew Research study found 59% of couples argue over household tasks, often due to differing standards (pewresearch.org). Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “Chores aren’t just tasks—they’re about respect and partnership” (psychologytoday.com). Her words highlight the woman’s hurt: his half-done tasks feel like half-hearted care.

Lerner’s insight suggests the fiancé’s minimal effort undermines their bond, while her perfectionism may overwhelm him. To bridge this, they could assign tasks by preference—she tackles deep cleaning, he handles quicker chores like dishes. Advice: She should share how a clean home boosts her joy, proposing a chore chart to align their efforts.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got opinions as bold as her kitchen dance moves! From practical chore hacks to warnings about deeper issues, the community chimed in with wit and wisdom. Here’s what they said:

GoombasRoomba − Having some space is healthy every now and then in a relationship. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself for enjoying some time apart. Maybe have an open and honest conversation about your feelings when he gets back. Not saying “I didn’t miss you” but saying “It felt really good to walk into a clean home. This is something I’ve realized is really important to me. What can we do to compromise?”

Superb-Ad-4322 − You are perfectly entitled to some ME time when in a relationship. It’s perfectly normal don’t feel guilty about it.

crozinator33 − You shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying alone time. Having the place to yourself for a few days can be awesome.. But if you catch yourself thinking you'd prefer it stayed like that, you might want to re-examin your relationship.

catburglarrr − If the cleaning thing, is your only big thing. Sit down and work it out. It helps sometimes to separate tasks. You don’t necessarily need to do half half. Maybe you clean those rooms that are really important for you to be clean, and he does the others.

Or you do the cleaning and he does grocery shopping and cooking. Basically, find a good deal that makes both of you happy. Just tell him how happy a clean house makes you and how happy you were that this topic was irrelevant for some days. You were not necessarily glad that he was gone, just that it was more relaxing at home.

daddyhack80 − Both things can exist at the same time. In more concerned about your guilt about the whole thing. You’re good. Love home and love yourself. There should be room for both. Dance girl!

NickNeron − I just want to address the fact that a lot of comments are talking about how it is normal to enjoy some me time and that there is no issue. I strongly disagree. Your case doesn't strike me as just you enjoying some 'me time'. There are clearly some issues (at least concerning the whole cleaning argument) that might seem insignificant or pretty much resolved at first glance,

but definitely still bring you feelings of resentment and frustration therefore leading to relief when you gett to spend some time without your partner being nearby. I would advise to not take this issue(-s) lightly and write it off as just you enjoying a break from your bf a bit too much.

[Reddit User] − 'I danced in the living room. I sang in the kitchen. I finished a project- I cooked myself a friggin awesome dinner. I tidied up all of my spaces to enjoy. I went to work. I came home. It was still CLEAN and I danced and sang all over again.

I woke up the next day and to make a long story short- lived my best life. I’m having a BLAST.' This is all you need to know about your relationship. Being the nice boyfriend is easy. Being a good boyfriend takes actual effort and it sounds like he's not doing it.

[Reddit User] − Theres a reason youre dancing in the kitchen. Bring it up to him as nicely as you can, in full detail from your point if view. If he elects to further ignore it after that, you could consider that enough proof, that alot of people would get a marriage counselor or even leave. Sometimes people arent right for us, in ways that are difficult to describe, communicate, or even understand. You may have conflicting temperments on microexpressive levels.

Previous_Original_30 − I don't have any advice, sorry. All I can say is that all of the times I shared my living space with a male partner I had that 'woohoo!' feeling after we broke up. Finally the place was nice and clean and tidy for me to enjoy, no more picking up after someone, no more feeding someone else on a daily basis. It was always such a relief, I gained so much me time, and it was so peaceful.

I still have hope to find that one person who cares enough to meet my needs and makes somewhat of an effort to keep the place clean and tidy and regularly cooks meals too. It might not be 'you-clean', but it should be clean enough for a normal adult who has their s**t together, so you'd be willing to meet him in the middle there.

stickymicki − My mom once gave me a great piece of advice: the stuff that annoys you at now will only get worse over the years. She’s married for 35 years. You bet the is happy, if my dad has plans for the night.

These takes range from “dance on, girl!” to “watch for red flags.” But do they nail the heart of her dilemma, or is there more to unpack?

A weekend of solo bliss shouldn’t leave a woman scared about her future, but here we are. Her story, woven with love, frustration, and a spotless apartment, mirrors the messy dance of relationships. Can she and her fiancé sync their cleaning rhythms, or is her solo joy a sign of bigger cracks? Readers, have you ever felt freer alone than with your partner? What would you do to fix this chore-fueled rift? Share your stories!

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