[UPDATE] My (F25) Husband (M30) says our house will never be mine. How do I move past this?

In a quaint diner, where the clink of coffee mugs blends with morning chatter, a young woman, 25, sits across from her husband, 30, her heart heavy. Their dream of a new home turned sour when he declared it would never be hers, stirring doubts about their marriage. Yet, over pancakes and honest words, they’re rewriting their story, tackling fears and forging a path forward.

This isn’t just about a house; it’s about trust, shared dreams, and confronting past scars. Her resolve to be heard meets his anxieties from a childhood marked by divorce. Can a deed and a legal agreement mend their rift, or is this just a bandage on deeper wounds? Their breakfast chat might hold the key to a stronger bond.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘[UPDATE] My (F25) Husband (M30) says our house will never be mine. How do I move past this?’

So there was a lot of questions from many people who saw my last post, so I figured I would answer some of them and also update on the situation. My family home was inherited. There was no mortgage. We paid our bills and taxes evenly between the two of us, and same with any repairs the home needed.

His mother is selling us the house at a $25,000 discount from what she listed it for on the market. My husband was not on the deed to my family home. This home was not going to be sold. It is a home that has been passed down exclusively to family members at virtually no cost, so a mortgage hasn’t been held on it in many decades. The house would be going to my sister as she is welcoming her second child soon!.

Now for the update: Me and my husband agreed to go to breakfast together this morning since our Mother’s Day plans didn’t start until lunch. At breakfast I brought up the topic of the house we are going to buy. I told him about how the things he said hurt my feelings and made me insecure about where he stands in our marriage.

He told me after seeing his dad lose his family home in a divorce, it was scary to think our kids could possibly lose it if we were to separate. He apologized and told me he never ever thought of getting a divorce, but nobody does until it’s happening. He said he was wrong to say the things he did and that he let anxiety control the way he spoke and it was unfair to me.

We agreed that I would be put on the deed, and agreed to start the process of a postnup agreement for the home among some other things. I addressed feeling like maybe he had a feeling he was going to leave or cheat and that’s why he was so defensive. He felt hurt by that and told me that was his fear when getting married, that he would be cheated on or worse, have kids involved in that mess. I told him I felt the same.

We both agreed the most comfortable we would feel would be us BOTH being on the deed to the home, and getting a postnuptial agreement with an infidelity clause. We are both anxious people and I understand where he was coming from with wanting that. It stung a bit at first that he wanted an infidelity clause but we agreed it would do nothing but benefit us both if either of us were to go beyond our marriage in that way.

So tldr- we are both being put on the deed, we are getting a postnuptial agreement + infidelity clause and we had a very mature and emotional conversation about how we felt. Thank you all for your advice, it gave me a very good idea of what to research before I brought it up to him and we are setting up a meeting with a lawyer to start the process on Monday!

This house dispute turned breakfast breakthrough shows how communication can salvage a marriage teetering on mistrust. The wife’s hurt over her husband’s words clashed with his fears of losing a home, rooted in his father’s divorce. Both brought baggage, but their willingness to talk it out is a win.

Her push to be on the deed reflects a need for equality. “A home is more than bricks; it’s a symbol of partnership,” says Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage expert (source: Gottman Institute). “Shared ownership fosters mutual commitment.” His fear-driven stance, while harsh, stemmed from a real worry about their kids’ future, not malice.

This mirrors a broader trend: a 2023 study by the American Bar Association notes postnuptial agreements are rising, with 15% of couples using them to clarify asset ownership (source: ABA Journal). The infidelity clause, though prickly, addresses their mutual anxieties about betrayal, a common fear given 20% of marriages face infidelity (source: Institute for Family Studies).

Their solution—joint deed and postnup—shows pragmatism. Dr. Gottman advises, “Face fears together; transparency builds trust.” Separate lawyers, as Reddit suggests, ensure fairness. They should keep talking, perhaps with a counselor, to prevent anxiety from resurfacing.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s reactions are like a warm hug with a side of tough love—supportive yet practical. Here’s what the community chimed in with:

[Reddit User] − I’m glad that everything seems to have worked out :)

redditavenger2019 − Be sure you have your own lawyer review the contract before you sign. You can negotiate and add any clause you want.

majesticgoatsparkles − Communication for the win! Best of luck, OP :)

SeaLight3279 − I'm so happy for you both! The infidelity clause is such a smart and simple way of helping keep both of you more secure. So glad this is an update with a happy ending, because we don't get many around these parts!

camlaw63 − Make sure you each have separate counsel

ClydeP77 − You guys did great! Now you each need your own lawyer for that post-nup. One lawyer cannot ethically represent both parties to the document.

fishmom5 − Oh good for you guys. I’m glad you were able to talk it out and come up with a solution that works for you both.

island_lord830 − This is great news and a good step forward. My wife and I have talked alot about how to protect our assets and insure our son gets what's rightfully his when he is older. My parents got divorced when I was 8 and as a result it screwed my brother

and I out of anything resembling an inheritance especially when our father got remarried. So a post nuptial agreement is awesome. Don't really care about the infidelity clause one way or another. But do whatever you gotta do to make sure you two don't s**ew over your children in the future.

Uncorked53 − If his mother is selling the house to him or you, it does not matter: in the divorce, you’d get a piece of it, because no matter whose name it’s on, it would be property your husband bought while you were married, and belongs to both ( many states have different time frames of when it all becomes community property).

waste0331 − Awesome, communication, FTW. I still don't like the way he worded that initial statement, but I'll give him some grace and assume he worded it wrong and didn't mean it as harshly as it came out. The part that leaves w bad taste in my mouth is that he seemed to think you would still be helping to pay the mortgage and any upkeep or renovations.

Idk if he's just ignorant of how things are split in a divorce, but his wants wouldn't factor in on the judges decision if you had been paying money into the home. Unless you're in a place where women are 2nd class citizens, a judge would likely either rule that he has to buy you out or sell the home and split the proceeds.

I'm fairly ignorant myself in matters such as this, but I know enough to know most places won't just tell you to FO and eat the loss. If I'm anxious or stressed, I sometimes word things poorly, but not to the extent he did, but I'm glad you guys worked this out and came up with a good plan. Good luck with your marriage and an extra good luck on making those babies, cheers.

These Redditors cheer the couple’s progress but wave a caution flag about legal details. Are they right to insist on separate lawyers, or is this just internet overreach?

This tale of a house and a heartfelt talk reminds us that love thrives on honesty, even when it stings. She fought for her place in their home, and he owned his fears, proving marriage is a team sport. Their postnup and shared deed are steps toward trust, but the real win is their courage to face tough truths. What do you think—would you demand a spot on the deed, or is love enough to feel at home? Share your thoughts below!

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