My (37/f) fiancee (39/m) had a argument over who should greet who at the door?

Picture a quiet evening in a sunlit home, where a woman tends to her beloved plants, their green leaves glistening under her care. The front door clicks open, and her fiancé’s voice calls out, expecting a warm welcome. But she’s elbow-deep in soil, and the greeting doesn’t come. What follows isn’t a hug, but a chilly silence that hangs heavier than the humid air. This small moment balloons into a surprising conflict, revealing cracks in their bond.

For this 37-year-old woman, her fiancé’s reaction to a missed greeting feels like a plot twist in their love story. Usually, they navigate life’s rhythms with ease, but his post-interview sulk and stonewalling have her second-guessing. Was it really about the door, or is something deeper brewing? Let’s dig into her Reddit tale, unpack the drama, and see what it teaches us about love and communication.

‘My (37/f) fiancee (39/m) had a argument over who should greet who at the door?’

Fianceé came home yesterday after a job interview, and I was in the kitchen watering our plants (I work from home and had just finished work). He greeted me verbally, and I said 'hey! I'm watering the plants back here' so he knew where I was. I assumed he'd come back to the kitchen to hug me (usually he does), but this time, he didn't.

I continued watering the plants and I heard the shower go on. 20 minutes later, he came to the kitchen and didn't say anything. I said, 'why didn't you come say hello? Whats wrong?' And he said, 'Was it really that important for you to water the plants at that moment? Why couldn't you come to the door to greet me?

You knew I had an interview today.' I didn't say anything because I was honestly confused, then got pretty frustrated. I've never thought about who greets who first, because its never been an issue before. I work at home and he has never expected me to get up from my chair to greet him, though I definitely have done that.

Also, for context he called me twice that day (while I was working) for some feedback on interview questions, I answered and helped him both times, and I also called him after his interview to see how it went. I tried to discuss this with him afterward, and he shut down completely after simply saying 'You knew I had a lot on my plate today and you didn't greet me because watering the plants was more important'.

I said I was just doing a chore at home, if I came home and you were in the middle of doing something I would never expect you to drop everything. I would come find you as I normally do. And you do the same for me'. It felt like an incredibly childish reaction and not like him.

He ignored me for the rest of the night. I'm definitely an overthinker, but in this case I have no idea what the heck is going on. This isn't like him to start an inane conflict like that but he does tend to stonewall during conflict. The fact that it even became a conflict is embarrassing. What could be happening with him? Could he be having cold feet for the wedding?

Update: Thank you for all the responses. When he came home from work today, I was on the phone and he came to kiss me on the forehead. He opened up the conversation to what happened the previous night and apologized for acting childish. He didn't bomb the interview, he actually was offered the job on the spot and was extremely excited to tell me and felt r**ection when he called out to me twice and heard no response.

I told him that his feelings of r**ection were upsetting to me, but illogical because I'd helped him throughout the day and he should assume better of me based on how I treat him and the stonewalling was 100% unacceptable. He has agreed to do couples counseling to help work out communication issues before the wedding.

This doorstep drama might seem trivial, but it’s a flashing neon sign of communication woes. Small moments, like a missed hello, can unearth unspoken expectations that chip away at relationships if left unchecked.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in couples therapy, says, “When partners feel disconnected, even minor slights can trigger emotional distance” (Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson). Here, the fiancé’s stonewalling—shutting down communication—likely stemmed from feeling rejected after his high-stakes interview. His expectation of a warm greeting clashed with her focus on a chore, highlighting a mismatch in their emotional needs.

This reflects a broader issue: unmet expectations in relationships. A 2022 study found that 68% of couples argue over unvoiced assumptions, often escalating minor issues (Journal of Family Psychology). The fiancé’s silent treatment, a toxic habit, risks fostering resentment. Thankfully, their commitment to counseling is a step toward healthier dialogue.

For solutions, experts recommend “I feel” statements to express needs without blame. She could say, “I feel hurt when you shut me out; can we talk openly?” Couples counseling, as they’ve planned, can equip them with tools to navigate conflicts.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew jumped in with a mix of empathy and eye-rolls, serving up advice as spicy as a kitchen mishap. From calling out the fiancé’s tantrum to urging counseling, their comments are a lively mix of support and sass. Here’s what they had to say:

Forsaken_Original92 − It sounds like he had a bad day or something happened and it came out on you. Maybe give him time to calm down and see if he will talk about it today? I definitely don't think it deserved that kind of reaction at all. Also, nothing bad with greeting each other!

Me and my boyfriend do that every day and it's usually just who gets to who first. If I've been home and he comes home from work, he'll come to me. If he's home before me after work, I'll go to him 🤷‍♀️ I don't think there needs to be set rules to it unless, like someone said below, he's looking for a 50's type housewise.

LadyKlepsydra − Also, for context he called me twice that day (while I was working) for some feedback on interview questions, I answered and helped him both times, and I also called him after his interview to see how it went. I recognize that dynamic all too well. You do all that stuff but it's not noticed, but then you fail to do *one small thing*, and suddenly you are the bad guy.

Some people simply take you for granted and do not notice or care about the stuff you *did do* for them. Only for the stuff you *didn't do*, no matter how petty. You could talk to him 3 times, but then you didn't talk the 4th time, and you don't care. The issue is your fiance, not you.

To me, this sounds like he wanted to pick a fight for whatever reason, so he found a very weak excuse to get angry. It could be that the interview wasn't very good, so he is taking the whole thing out on you, which is not okay. I would talk about it: if he truly only notices what you DON'T do,

while completely not noticing the things you DO do, then it's a recipe for conflict, bitterness and issues on both sides. Better to call it out and resolve it before that happens. If he is taking out his anger on you then that also needs to be addressed, and so does the silent treatment, which is toxic.. edit: typo

Forsaken_Original92 − It sounds like he had a bad day or something happened and it came out on you. Maybe give him time to calm down and see if he will talk about it today? I definitely don't think it deserved that kind of reaction at all. Also, nothing bad with greeting each other!

Me and my boyfriend do that every day and it's usually just who gets to who first. If I've been home and he comes home from work, he'll come to me. If he's home before me after work, I'll go to him 🤷‍♀️ I don't think there needs to be set rules to it unless, like someone said below, he's looking for a 50's type housewise.

Head-Meaning2741 − They say expectations are premeditated resentments. Your current fiance had unspoken expectations. Your relationship needs work before marrying. Figure out how to communicate respectfully, compassionately and openly.

This guy needs to learn that. I have to say whenever someone starts a sentence with 'You... ' rather than 'I ...' I immediately start getting my hackles up. Stonewalling is an emotionally abusive technique. Get counseling before marrying.

Opening_Track_1227 − I'm definitely an overthinker, but in this case I have no idea what the heck is going on. You ain't the only one, OP. Your mans is tripping. I would wait until everything simmers down and then talk to him about it.

[Reddit User] − Stonewalling is never acceptable no matter what the antecedent was. It’s done for one of two reasons. The first the person can’t regulate their emotions and their only option is to withdraw and the other is to punish the other party. If it’s the first then he needs to do work on it. If it’s the second then you need to seriously give consideration to that.

Half an hour to cool off and to come back with the recognition of overreaction and to make amends is one thing but if it goes on for an hour, or two, or worse, then it’s for punishment and that is seriously concerning. No matter how lovely and caring he is the rest of the time, he’s way out of order if he’s still ignoring and shutting you down for hours after.. It’s your own cold feet you should be thinking about right now, not his.

chewbooks − Does he expect you to run to the front door to greet him like an excited dog?

maceocat − I don’t think you actually did anything wrong but truthfully if I came home after something I’ve been nervous about like a job interview or doctors appointment and my partner was doing an easily paused chore and didn’t come to me and see how it went I could see myself overthinking it and feeling neglected,

and unloved especially if it didn’t go well. It’s not the correct way of thinking and I would be super embarrassed afterwards for feeling that way. I hopefully would be able to snap myself out if my pity party before I took it out on my partner though

Queensknow − He is acting like a child. My husband and I rarely physically greet each other at the door. I come home with arms loaded and need to take out the dogs. My husband has his work stuff and also takes out the dogs. I sometimes call out, “Hey Babe!” But this isn’t something we do. If this is so important to your fiancé, then he should probably communicate like a grown man.

He’s pouting and acting like a petulant toddler. Also, refusing to discuss an issue and then giving the silent treatment is a HUGE red flag. No one deserves the silent treatment. It causes confusion, doubt, and anxiety. Some people have said it’s a form of emotional abuse. It sure does feel like it when it’s happening to you.

mutherofdoggos − If he wants you to greet him at the door, he needs to express that desire like an adult. Not get mad that you didn’t read his mind. You’re not a golden retriever or a 1950s housewife.. Couples counseling should be nonnegotiable before you marry him. He is 37 and can’t have adult discussions.

These opinions are as bold as a front-door showdown, but do they nail the issue? Is this a one-off or a warning sign?

This couple’s greeting gaffe shows how quickly love can stumble over unspoken rules. Their story, resolved with an apology and counseling, reminds us that communication is the glue holding relationships together. But what if the silent treatment lingers? How would you handle a partner who expects you to read their mind? Share your stories and wisdom below—let’s keep this conversation blooming like those well-watered plants!

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