How do I talk to my (25F) boyfriend (27M) about taking food from me?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy apartment bathed in the golden glow of late afternoon, a young woman sits at her kitchen table, a plate of homemade pasta before her. But the warmth of the scene is overshadowed by tension—she hesitates, glancing at her boyfriend, who’s eyeing her meal with disapproval. What should be a simple moment of nourishment has become a battleground of control, leaving her frustrated and unheard. This isn’t just about food; it’s about respect, autonomy, and the boundaries that define a healthy relationship.

For this 25-year-old woman, moving in with her boyfriend was meant to be a joyful step forward. Instead, it’s revealed a troubling dynamic: his relentless policing of her eating habits. From snatching chips to removing food from her hands, his actions have sparked a wave of concern among Reddit users. Is this care or control? Let’s dive into her story and explore what it means when love comes with a side of judgment.

‘How do I talk to my (25F) boyfriend (27M) about taking food from me?’

A few months ago, my boyfriend and I decided to move in together and subsequently starting melding our lives into one space. This recently became an issue when it comes to meal times and eating habits. My boyfriend is very strict when it comes to his eating habits, including meal prepping, caloric intake, his daily sugars, protein, etc.

This was something I knew about him before we started living together and never would have imagined it could be a problem until now. Recently, my boyfriend has begun commenting on my quality of eating and how it compares to his own. To be as open as possible, I am a pretty average eater. I don't gorge on sweets or binge at meals.

I eat a lunch and dinner most days and sometimes I'll throw in some yogurt at breakfast when I have the time in the morning. Sure, I'll eat some French fries or some ice cream every once and awhile, but I am far from the type of person that would need their every bite monitored and evaluated.

I have no history of having an eating disorder nor have I expressed an intense desire for my eating habits to change since we have moved in together. When it comes to my weight and appearance, it stays pretty close. My weight tends to fluctuate 5-10 pounds or so throughout the year mostly because of stress and a demanding job but it has stays within the same range it has always been since we started dating.

This issue has slowly built itself up over time with him telling me I 'don't need' certain foods or portions of food when we are sitting down for a meal. He will take food that I make for myself from the fridge or pantry when he goes to work in the morning.

He will specifically target things he views as 'unhealthy' such as if I bake anything or buy a bag of chips/ other junk food when grocery shopping. When I initially brought this up to him he just said that he was just looking out for me and has yet to stop his actions when I explicitly said for him not to.

I made it a point to tell him that his actions make me feel like he views me as someone who is incapable of making decisions regarding their food or like I am some kind of glutton he has to live with. He has checked the garbage on occasion when I order takeout to see if I finish my meal or if there is still food left in the to-go containers.

It has gotten to the point that he has removed foods from my hands at the dinner table saying that there is no point for me to eat them because they are just 'empty calories.' These foods are things he is comfortable with himself eating because he himself needs the calories instead.

I must stress that I DO NOT overeat or have an unhealthy relationship with eating and I never have. Our relationship is honestly great on so many other levels. This just seems to be a thorn that I am not sure how to approach. How do I talk to my boyfriend about his actions around me eating or the food that I buy?

This story isn’t just about a misplaced bag of chips—it’s a glaring red flag of control. Relationship dynamics often reveal themselves in small, everyday moments, like sharing a meal. Here, the boyfriend’s behavior crosses into unhealthy territory, undermining his partner’s autonomy.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy partnership. When one partner seeks to control the other’s choices, it erodes trust” (The Gottman Institute). This resonates deeply with our story, where the boyfriend’s actions—taking food, checking trash—signal a lack of respect. His fixation on “healthy” eating may stem from personal insecurities or rigid beliefs, but imposing them on his partner dismisses her agency.

This issue reflects a broader societal problem: the pressure to conform to idealized health standards. A 2021 study found that 1 in 5 adults experience food-related control in relationships, often tied to cultural diet trends (Journal of Social Psychology). The boyfriend’s orthorexic tendencies—obsessive healthy eating—may drive his behavior, but that’s no excuse for overriding her choices.

For solutions, experts suggest clear communication. She could say, “I feel disrespected when you control my food. I need you to stop.” If he persists, setting firm boundaries—or even reconsidering the relationship—may be necessary.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of outrage and wit. From calling out the boyfriend’s hypocrisy to urging her to reclaim her autonomy, their comments are as candid as a late-night chat with friends. Here’s what they had to say:

SimplyMadeline − Our relationship is honestly great on so many other levels. . So many other levels! But not the level where you get to have bodily autonomy!

DameNeumatic − So if you took his food prep and threw it away and said, 'You don't need to eat this way,' he's be totally cool with that? Then, when you do it over and over? You say this is one factor. What else is he doing? Has he mentioned any clothing you wear or said you should stop painting your nails or putting on makeup? Does he tell you how to drive? Honestly think, is he controlling you?

PreparationScared − Tell him one more time, very clearly: do not talk about what I’m eating, do not take my food. If he doesn’t cut out the s**t, I do not see how you can stay with this a**hole.

HatsAndTopcoats − Tell him directly and firmly: 'I am absolutely not okay with you trying to control my food intake. Starting right now, you are no longer allowed to offer any kind of negative comments about what I eat, and you're *definitely* not allowed to try to physically control my food in any way.

If you cannot respect that I have the right to eat what I want, then we will no longer be in a relationship.' And **follow through.** Do not smile or soften the blow or comfort or console him if he says something like, 'I only tried to help you because I love you.' His behavior is 100% unacceptable and you need to 100% refuse to accept it.

I don't think this will work. I think he'll probably just reject it outright, or possibly he will pretend to agree and then almost immediately start back up again with the controlling behavior. In either case you need to leave because **you do not want to be with someone who does not respect you as an equal.** He wouldn't be doing this if he didn't think he had the right to be in charge of you.

rocketeerH − He’s trying to exert a worrying level of control over you and your body. Think of moving in together not as the final or even next stage of the relationship, but as a serious test of compatibility. Given how he’s treating you, do you feel you’re compatible with each other? Do you feel respected? These are topics you can discuss with him, but be wary.

EngineeringDry7999 − OP. This type of control is abuse and will escalate. Start making your exit plan and get out.

Ruthless_Bunny − Just because he’s doesn’t mean you have to be. Stop justifying who you are and how you eat. NO ONE EVER has the right to control your food.. Tell him to stop commenting and obsessing about your food. If he doesn’t, leave him.. Imagine him doing this with your children.

chez2202 − WTF? He takes away food you are eating because the item’s are empty calories but eats them himself? He checks the bin to make sure you didn’t eat a full takeaway meal? He removes your snacks from the cupboards? You need to leave him and find someone else. Is this really the person that you would want to raise any future children with? Someone who is going to give them eating disorders?

dwells2301 − Your unhealthy relationship is not with food, it's with him. Tell him to back off.

scrappy8350 − He’s trying to train you. Once he gets your food intake trained, he’ll find something else, then something else, until he controls all of you, physically, mentally and emotionally.. No normal person would take food out of your HANDS.

These hot takes are spicy, but do they hit the mark? Is this just a quirk, or a dealbreaker?

This woman’s story is a reminder that love should lift us up, not clip our wings. Her boyfriend’s food policing isn’t just about calories—it’s about power. While their relationship shines in other ways, this issue demands a serious conversation. Can they find balance, or is this a sign of deeper cracks? What would you do if your partner tried to control your plate? Share your experiences and advice below—let’s keep this discussion cooking!

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