Wife (28F) cheated on me (31M) because she thought I was cheating on her? What rules do I need to put in place if we stay together?

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A quiet evening at home turns into a nightmare for a 31-year-old man when he overhears his wife’s graphic phone conversation with another man, revealing her infidelity. Her tearful excuse—that she thought he was cheating with their teenage babysitter—only deepens the sting of betrayal. Caught between fury and his daughters’ well-being, he’s torn about their six-year marriage.

This Reddit saga dives into his struggle to decide whether to stay and what rules could prevent another heartbreak.

‘Wife (28F) cheated on me (31M) because she thought I was cheating on her? What rules do I need to put in place if we stay together?’

We’ve been married for 6 years now and been together for 8. I thought everything was going great, and our marriage was strong. Apparently not, because last weekend I accidentally stumbled upon proof that my wife was cheating on me. I just happened to come home early from work, and my wife didn’t know I was home.

I hear her on the phone talking to some guy about what she wanted him to do to her in graphic detail. I let the conversation go on for about 25 minutes, and recorded her on my phone. Wife tells the guy that she’s about to leave the house to go meet him. She leaves the kitchen and walks into the living room, and instantly realizes I heard the conversation.

At first she claims that she was talking to her best friend who wanted to meet up for some drinks. I played the recorded conversation on my phone. She breaks down and starts crying and begs me not to leave her. I’m very furious at the point so I tell her I need some space and need to leave. She won’t let me leave and threatens to harm herself if I leave.

Then I ask her who the guy is, and she tells me it’s a guy that works for her dad’s company. I ask her if her family knew, and she said no. Then she said the only reason she cheated was because she thought I was having an affair with our babysitter which was an insane accusation. Our babysitter is an 18 year old girl who lives on our street.

My wife hired her, and is the only one who communicates with her. My wife claimed that she found blonde hair in our bed (my wife is brunette). She claimed that the babysitter dresses inappropriately when I’m at the house. Wife also claims she found the babysitter in my closet when she came home.

I explain to her that this is all in her head, and she needs serious help. In the last few days I decided to stay in my house. Wife keeps saying she wants things to go back to normal. She’s tried to initiate s** multiple times, but I’ve declined. I honestly don’t even want to look at her.

The only reason I’m in the house is, because it’s my daughter’s birthday this week. I don’t want my daughter’s day to be ruined because of this. I basically need to decide if I stay or divorce her. If I stay what rules do I ask her to follow. The reason I’m leaning towards staying is, because I want my daughters to have both parents all the time.

Also the house is in my wife’s name along with the cars. My wife is a stay at home mom without an income. I talked to my friend who’s an attorney, and he said I would almost definitely lose the house. My wife would end up with custody of my daughters.

My child support payments would be north of 2000 a month along with spousal support. My friend also told me the jurisdiction we live in doesn’t favor the father much. I’ve already talked with my close friends and received advice.

I would like some outside opinions and guidance. What rules do I put into place to make sure she doesn’t cheat on me again? Apologies if something doesn’t make sense. My head is all over the place.. Thanks in advance

Discovering a spouse’s affair is a gut-wrenching blow, and for this husband, his wife’s baseless accusations add insult to injury. Her claim of cheating due to imagined infidelity with the babysitter suggests deeper issues of insecurity or deflection. Her refusal to take full responsibility and threats of self-harm further complicate trust.

Relationship therapist Dr. Shirley Glass states, “Rebuilding trust after infidelity requires complete transparency and accountability from the unfaithful partner”. The wife’s actions—lying about the call and shifting blame—undermine this process. Her push to “return to normal” without addressing the breach risks further pain.

This reflects a broader issue: infidelity’s ripple effects on family dynamics. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 65% of couples attempting reconciliation after cheating struggle with trust without professional help. The husband’s concern for his daughters is valid, but staying solely for them may harm long-term family health.

To rebuild, the wife must agree to strict boundaries: full phone and device transparency, cutting contact with the affair partner (ideally with a witnessed call), and couples counseling. A post-nuptial agreement with an infidelity clause could protect the husband legally. He should also seek individual therapy to process his grief and clarify his needs. Transparency and consistent effort are non-negotiable for healing.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit community largely dismissed the wife’s excuse, viewing her claim of suspecting an affair as a desperate lie to deflect blame. Many urged the husband to prioritize his dignity and consider divorce, arguing that her betrayal and manipulation signal deeper issues.

Some suggested strategic moves, like gathering evidence or securing a post-nuptial agreement, to strengthen his position if he stays or leaves. Others cautioned against staying only for the kids, sharing stories of how toxic marriages harmed children more than divorce. These takes reflect a consensus that trust is hard-won after such a breach.

Friars1918 − Your wife didn’t cheat because she thought you were cheating. She cheated and when caught lied that she did it because she thought you were cheating. It’s your choice if you want to stay with someone who cheated on you.

No_Jaguar67 − Stay and work with a lawyer to get into a better position for a divorce later. Collect evidence and bide your time.

Revan19991 − 🤔 you may have to play the long game. I would suggest moving to a new state. Get the new house in your name, tell her to get a job. Get a post nuptial agreement with an infidelity clause that states any a**ltery results in no assets, so don’t cheat or you’re fucked even more.

Millerbomb − You honestly believe that excuse? That's what she could think of on the fly

AnonThrowAway072023 − Did she confess to her Mom & Dad? Did she in front of you on speaker phone call dude an say it's over it was wrong never should have happened never try to contact me again.  Then block him everything, delete contacts?.

Promise open phone devices policies?  You can grab and look any time any day?  Phone tracking never turned off. Install ring cams since she's home all day bored available for trouble?. That stuff is just the start for you to get for possible forgive and reconcile 

AdAgitated8109 − The child support and alimony is a small price to pay to find a mate that you can trust. She ain’t it.

girlwhoneverposts − i am very sorry you're going through this :/ please don't stay just for the kids. my dad cheated on my mom not once but twice, and she stayed w him to this day. i was the one who found out both times and i remember my mom consistently telling my brother and i that because of us she's not going to leave etc.

that she wants to but she loves us too much to not divorce, however it was consistent fighting during my childhood and i know she was never over it. it really traumatized me and left some wounds to this day. i don't think she's really over it tbh.

if you think you can work it out between you to, then i say go for it, you only know what's best on how to proceed with this relationship. but don't stay just for the kids and for the sake of wanting a 'happy family'.

markoyolo − Can you tell her you'll only stay if she agrees to sign a post-nup? 

MrOceanBear − Pretty obvious she pulled the she did it because she thought you were already out of her ass

whatidoidobc − My ex-fiancee told different things to different people. There was little sense to any of it, she was just desperate to not accept responsibility and to shift blame.. The sooner you get out, the better off you will be.

This betrayal saga lays bare the agony of infidelity and the tough choices it forces. The husband’s love for his daughters anchors him, but his wife’s actions demand serious accountability to rebuild trust.

Whether through strict rules or a fresh start, his path forward hinges on honesty—both hers and his own. Have you navigated a relationship rocked by betrayal? Share your insights—let’s keep the conversation going!

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