[UPDATE] to My (24F) boyfriend (26M) of 7 years completely ghosted me out of the blue! What do I do?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The faint scent of mold lingers in a quiet apartment, where a 24-year-old woman sits surrounded by her ex-boyfriend’s boxes. Just weeks ago, he vanished without a word, shattering seven years of love. Now, he’s back, his apologies piling up like the clutter in her space, begging for a second chance.

Her heart aches with memories of their bond, forged through her painful past, yet his sudden return stirs a storm of doubt. This story dives into a raw clash of forgiveness and self-respect, pulling readers into her struggle to reclaim her future from the shadow of betrayal.

For those who want to read the previous part: My (24f) boyfriend (26m) of 7 years completely ghosted me out of the blue!

‘[UPDATE] to My (24F) boyfriend (26M) of 7 years completely ghosted me out of the blue! What do I do?’

Short summary: My boyfriend of nearly 7 years left me, moved hundreds of miles away and refused to talk to me. Even his parents told me that he doesn't want to talk to me and that they can't force him to. A mutual friend (more his friend) told me the same and then blocked me as well.. I was left confused, alone and sad.

Now, over 4 weeks later, he contacted me again and we agreed to talk face to face at our?/my place.. I'll have to disappoint everyone from the start: No movie worthy Yakuza/Mafia story. What he told me happened was that he simply panicked and ran away.

Apparently I was asking too many questions about the future: if he ever wanted to get married, what he thought about children etc. I also pushed him a lot to finally finish his degree and get a job. (his main source of income are still his parents) He said he just couldn't handle it and saw his life as being over and needed to get away from it all.

Then he started blaming his friend who convinced him that 'he was wasting his twenties on just one girl'. That same friend apparently also got him a job which is why he moved away hundreds of miles. That job didn't work out and he got fired after a few weeks. I guess that's why he is back now.

I asked him why he didn't at least talk to me and how hurt and worried I was. He said that he 'didn't want to make me cry' and that 'he didn't really want to break up'. He wanted to prove that he could succeed at that job and then come back to me. Overall a lot was said, we talked for over two hours but that's the gist of it.

He must have apologized like a hundred times, telling me how stupid he was to let his friend influence him. One kindergarten like logic stuck with me. He said: 'We never broke up. I never said that I wanted to break up. We just took a break!'. In my mind that sounded like: 'Ha, you didn't say UNO, we're still together!' ..........

He basically promised me heaven on earth if we got back together. Breakfast in bed every morning, he'd do all the chores, what have you. He also swore that there was nobody else, that he slept with nobody else. In the end he asked if he could stay because he hasn't been paid from that job and used all his money and has nowhere else to go.

His parents live too far away and he is on bad terms with that friend who got him the job.. I felt a bit bad but I told him no. That I needed to process and think about everything.. I did however agree to store some of his boxes to free up his car. So, that's where I'm at now. Sitting alone in my apartment with his boxes.

One of them smells really bad, like moldy clothes. Maybe I'll wash those tomorrow for him at least. Now I need to think about what to do with all of this, what to do with myself. Part of me still loves him. We had so many great moments together before that, he helped me through a lot.

He helped me get away from my abusive mother and stepfather. He is the man I wanted to marry, maybe have children with. :( This is only my side of the story, too. I don't know everything he has to go through mentally. I can understand panicking. I don't know. I want to thank everyone who took their time to read all of this.

It felt good to write it all down. I went no contact with my mother and stepfather and don't have a lot of friends because I'm a bit shy and not that outgoing. I don't have a lot of people to talk to about this. Sorry if it's too long.. Thank you.

Edit: I read nearly all the replies here. Thank you so much for your input. I probably needed to hear a lot of the things that were said. I thought about everything and won't be getting back together with him. The most important argument for me was 'What if it happens again?

10 years from now, after we're married or had children?' I wouldn't be able to handle it. And I still don't trust him with everything he said happened (or didn't happen) while he was away. I will figure something out with the boxes and everything else that needs to be handled and I'll try to set clear boundaries when talking to him in the future.

He isn't all horrible despite how he acted. He saved me from my stepfather and was there for me in the years after. I owe a lot to him but I think that also made me accept things and behaviors I shouldn't have. (even before he left)

His return after ghosting is a jarring twist, rekindling her pain while dangling hope. Her hesitation to take him back, despite their history, shows a flicker of self-preservation amid heartbreak. His excuses—panic, a manipulative friend—don’t erase the cruelty of his silence.

Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch notes, “Rebuilding trust requires consistent actions, not just apologies”. His abandonment, coordinated with family and friends, was a deliberate betrayal, not a mere panic. Her past trauma—abuse and self-harm—may make his promises tempting, but his “kindergarten logic” of a “break” dismisses her pain.

Ghosting reflects broader issues of emotional immaturity. A 2020 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found ghosting often stems from avoidant behavior, prioritizing ease over empathy. Therapy, like CBT, could help her process this and her past. She should set firm boundaries, return his belongings, and focus on her growth. Healing lies in her strength, not his empty vows.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s feedback is a fiery blend of support and indignation. Many users applaud her for refusing to let him stay, urging her to ditch his boxes and cut contact. Others call his excuses flimsy, suspecting he only returned after his job failed.

Some highlight his manipulation, warning she’d be a doormat if she relents. The consensus leans toward moving on, with therapy as a lifeline to rebuild her confidence. These bold opinions underscore the betrayal’s weight and her potential to rise above it, free from his shadow.

SpecialistAfter511 − If the job worked out he wouldn’t have come back.

Zoe2805 − He said he just couldn't handle it and saw his life as being over and needed to get away from it all.. He wanted to prove that he could succeed at that job and then come back to me.. How do those two go together?. 'he didn't really want to break up'.. Yeah.. he wanted to break up.

He just didn't have the balls to.. 'didn't want to make me cry' And just ghosting you with everyone blocking you didn't make you cry? Haha. He just didn't want to SEE you cry. That's a difference. Pack up ALL his things. Message him a pickup time. Then put the boxes outside for him to collect them. And never talk to him again.

He doesn't care for you one bit. He ran away instead of talking since it was easier than seeing your emotions. He claiming he just needed to get away but then saying he tried to prove sth is a pure contradiction. Not once did he think of you in any of this. Don't feel bad. Be proud you told him no.

He just came crawling back because this other job fell through. He hopes you're going to take him back, support and pay for him. Maybe his parents finally have enough? Don't give him anything but his own things. You don't need him. You will have a fantastic life without him.

GoldenDragon001 − Don't accept him back. The kindergarten logic is technically a manipulative tactic to say that we never say it was over. Boy! There is such a thing called abandonment! It's over because of abandonment!   

Well anyways, what the reality is that he left you for greener pasture (looking for better girls and better awesome life), which he realized there wasn't any. So he returned, feeling sorrowful for his mistakes and wanted you back, pledging heaven and earth for you. Don't believe that crap! 

If he had any issue he should have said something. He totally got his parents and friends to silent and withheld any information from you. That's cruel!  Don't accept his apology. Don't give him a second chance. Otherwise you'll regret when he attempt to go again for the greener pasture.

jimmyb1982 − So, his friend told him he was wasting his 20s with one woman, he leaves for a month but didn't sleep with anyone? What a load of bull crap. On top of that, he never said he wanted to break up, so you were on a break?

Drop his s**t at his parents' house, then ghost him. Tell him you don't need someone who will up and leave if he feels pressured. What happens if ypu tell him you are pregnant? How long will he disappear for then??. UpdateMe

HopefulOriginal5578 − Hold on to your anger. This weasel plotted and planned his brutal exit. He was sitting across from you eating, he was next to you watching TV… all the while silently putting together a simply brutal way to abandon you.

His reasons don’t matter. You can never get back from that. This guy deleted you from his life. He didn’t feel bad once during that time. Never reached out, never at least sent his portion of the rent money or what have you. You were treated worse than a stranger.

Be mad. So after plotting and scheming under your shared roof, he deletes you from his life, and then shows up thinking you are that desperate? My god! Also, even if it was just a break to ghost you for weeks (it wasn’t), you are allowed to break up with him over his poor treatment. He doesn’t call all the shots.

I know this is painful, but I swear if you take him back you will deeply regret it. If anything, there will be a point when you’re older and you’ll think “thank god that trash took itself out! He couldn’t have made it easier to d**p him!”

Call him tomorrow and tell him to come get his boxes because you’re not going to have them stinking up your home. If he doesn’t show up. You place them outside. Tel him you keep a nice home and don’t want n**ty smells messing up your place.

Please have him get his stuff or just put it outside. For one it stinks and second? He needs to really feel the consequences of his behavior. He needs to feel the full weight of his actions.

Every single time you talk with him or help him, you actually make it easier for him to leave you. Deny his access to you. He is unworthy of your time and any efforts. Don’t be too nice. Be mad. He ghosted you, so give him what he wants. No access to you.

JMLegend22 − Tell him that when he blocked you, believed his friend, and abandoned you, that’s a breakup. When his parents said he didn’t want you back. When the friends said he didn’t want you back, etc. Let him know that adults make decisions and he made a dumb one as a 26 year old adult. Now he has to live with being alone and figure his own s**t out.

tmink0220 − I would never go back to someone that treated me like that. He is begging because he failed. People panic and do not abandon you. You can never trust him, he is not safe, and completely disrespected you. Put his boxes out and tell him to come get them. Then go to therapy. Your self esteem is really low, or you would even be thinking of this.

sidewaystortoise − Maybe I'll wash those tomorrow for him at least. He will take that as a sign you're warming up to letting him back in, even if you expressly tell him it's because you couldn't stand the stink.. Drop the boxes at a mutual friends.

WrastleGuy − “I tried to leave you but it didn’t work out this time.  Take me back so I can leave you again when I find something I think is better than you”  He’s already shown his hand.  You don’t matter to him.  He will cut you out of his life when something new comes up.  Please don’t let yourself be someone’s doormat.

JockoJohnson69 − He’s a sad little man that doesn’t know how to communicate properly. People shouldn’t run and hide like little babies because they don’t know how to communicate with their partners. No excuse for him.

He’s pathetic and you can do so much better. He shut you out and made his family and friends shut you out because he is so pathetic. It will take time but you will get over that betrayal of his as you move on with your life without him in it.

This tale lays bare the sting of betrayal and the courage to stand firm. Her ex’s return stirs old love but exposes his unreliability, pushing her toward a future of self-worth. Therapy and boundaries could guide her healing, turning pain into power.

Have you faced a similar crossroads after a betrayal? Share your experiences and advice below—how did you reclaim your strength?

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