My (29F) ex boyfriend (32M) moved out with his daughter (6F). I am devastated and don’t know what to do?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet apartment, where crayon drawings still cling to the fridge, a young woman sits, her heart heavy with the echo of a little girl’s laughter. For five years, she’s been a mother figure to her ex-boyfriend’s daughter, Sarah, only to face a gut-wrenching breakup that threatens to unravel their bond. This Reddit tale, raw with emotion, spills from a 29-year-old grappling with love, loss, and the fear of fading from a child’s life she’s come to call her own.

The story strikes a chord, pulling readers into the ache of a family redefined. Her fear of being sidelined by her ex’s future or legal barriers mirrors the messy reality of non-biological parenting. With vivid stakes and a universal tug at the heart, this narrative invites us to explore how love endures when relationships fracture, setting the stage for a heartfelt dive into her plight.

‘My (29F) ex boyfriend (32M) moved out with his daughter (6F). I am devastated and don’t know what to do?’

I met my ex 5 years ago when I was about to be 24 and he was 27. He was the single father to a one year old daughter (Sarah). The mother of his child had passed away when she was only 3 months old. I was only 24 and weary about getting involved with a man with a kid but he we really clicked.

As he was his daughters primary caregiver I met her pretty early on in our relationship. I never knew if I even wanted to have children but Sarah really changed things for me. We eventually moved in together and I have been helping raise Sarah since.

My ex worked a lot, and I was still a student, so Sarah and I spent a lot of time together when she was young. Once I graduated I was able to work remotely, so when Sarah is not in school I am typically the one taking care of her. We are incredibly close.

Unfortunately things began going south with my ex about 6 months ago. His work schedule is really hard on me and I struggled with the amount of time we were able to see each, I know that sounds selfish. I think my nagging became to much for him and over the course of six months it feels like I really pushed him away.

Over the weekend he sat me down and told me that he is not in love with me anymore and he doesn't think he can continue our relationship. That is a whole other issue that I am dealing with. I mean we live together and raise a child together and now everything is flipped upside down. As upset as I am about this break up, my main concern is Sarah.

I truly do consider her my child. I mean I have been the closest thing to her mother for the last five years, she doesn't know anything but me. My heart physically hurts. I asked my ex what would happen with her, and said that he hopes I would still be part of her life, and of course I want that! I just don't know how to even go about it.

How do you coparent with your ex when you're not technically a parent? I guess my biggest concern is him moving away with her and me not having any rights, or him getting a new girlfriend and deciding its easier without his ex being so close with his daughter?

I am just stressed to the max right now Reddit, I have to find a place to live and basically restructure my entire life but all I can think about is being able to be in this little girls life forever. Is there anyway I can make that happen? Sorry for all the rambling, thanks for reading if you made it this far. tl;dr: my ex broke up with me and wants me to remain in his daughters life, however I am terrified for the future.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Losing a relationship is tough, but losing a child you’ve raised as your own cuts deeper. This woman’s bond with Sarah, built over five years, faces uncertainty after her breakup, with no legal rights to anchor her role. Her ex’s vague hope that she’ll “stay in Sarah’s life” offers little clarity, while her fears of being sidelined by a new partner or distance are painfully real. Both sides have valid stakes: she craves connection, while he navigates single fatherhood.

This reflects a broader issue: non-biological parents often face ambiguous roles post-breakup. A 2020 study from the Journal of Family Issues notes that 40% of step-parents lose contact with stepchildren after a split, risking emotional harm to both (journals.sagepub.com). Sarah’s stability hinges on consistent figures, but the ex’s future choices could shift dynamics.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, emphasizes, “Children thrive on predictable relationships, even with non-biological figures” (drlisadamour.com). Here, maintaining Sarah’s bond with the OP could benefit her, but it requires mutual commitment. The OP’s proactive approach—seeking clarity—aligns with Damour’s advice to prioritize open communication.

For solutions, the OP could propose a structured plan, like regular visits or calls, discussed calmly with her ex. Family counseling, as Reddit suggests, could guide this transition, ensuring Sarah’s needs lead.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s community jumped in with a mix of empathy and tough love, serving up advice as raw as the OP’s pain. From cautionary tales to hopeful anecdotes, here’s what they had to say—candid, heartfelt, and ready to stir debate.

Oneforthegold − You don’t have any legal rights to her. The only way to get them is if your ex agrees to let you adopt her. At this point I’d guess that’s not on the table. Please realize - as heartbreaking as it is - chances are there will come a time when you will be pushed to the back burner.

There is little you can do about this. I think certainly trying to stay in her life is good. And if you see the writing on the wall - for her sake - do what you can to ease your way out instead of disappearing. Do you think your ex would be amiable to going to family l counseling to get a professional opinion on how to structure this?

As a true life story - my kids bonded with their dads second wife quite a bit - she was in their lives from 2-5. She left one day and never contacted them again. To this day (5 years later) they still bring her up and are clearly hurt. This is with two involved parents in place. My heart breaks for you and your little girl.

[Reddit User] − So my cousin was in this situation some time ago. She basically was raising her boyfriends 2 kids because he was a s**tty parent. They were together for years but she finally got sick of him and left. She felt bad about the kids though because they called her mom and loved her. She tried to call them and take them out when she could so that they could keep in contact.

Now she is married and has her own kids, but is still important to these kids (now adults) One of the girls just had baby and my cousin was the person she called when she had questions about her pregnancy and my cousin was there when her kid was born. You won't be able to be her mom because you aren't her mom. You should still be there for her like an aunt or a close family friend. Hopefully she understands you care and wants to keep in touch with you.

lilaclemons − These questions can only be answered by the child's father.. Once you've had time to calm down and deal with your life change, meet with him in person. Get coffee or something with him and talk about what he'd be okay with involving Sarah. This will be your opportunity to ask any and all questions. Consider bringing up legal adoption even if you want. This would be the best time to figure it all out.

PM_TITS_OR_DONT − I understand your fear. He says he 'hopes' you would still be part of her life, but you have no idea what that means. And frankly, it's easy to say. I think you're going to have to go through a big transition here. It's important for him and Sarah to establish a new life and a new routine, and it'll be confusing for Sarah if things change too frequently.

I kinda doubt that your ex will agree to let Sarah stay with you every other weekend or something. Probably you'll be more like a friend who will ask to hang out with Sarah and he will say yes or no. I think if your ex is hesitant about that level of relationship you should probably tell him that if he doesn't want you to have a relationship with Sarah you can't make him,

and if he wants you out of his life completely maybe it's best to make a clean break, as much as you would hate that. On the other hand, if you and your ex are talking about you having a much bigger role than that, I think you should ask for some kind of rights to go with it. Ask that you be allowed to legally become Sarah's mother by adopting her.

Alabastardly − said that he hopes I would still be part of her life, and of course I want that! I just don't know how to even go about it. He wants to break up with you but still have you mother his child. Your concerns about him getting a new GF are valid.

I can't imagine anyone would be happy dating a single father whose ex was acting as mother for a girl who isn't hers. My advice:if he wants you out, get out. Leave him, completely, and unfortunately Sarah won't be happy about it. She's a child, and she doesn't get to decide. Her dad decided for her.

Tablefornine − I have two stepsons from a previous marriage. I loved them dearly, like my own children, and I went through what you're going through now. It was horrifically painful and my heart goes out to you. I'd try to stay in her life where you can, but be prepared for a fade off when he moves on. Ten years have passed and my stepsons are adult and almost adult now. I send them birthday and Christmas cards every year and we are facebook friends but that's all now.

Kramerintheshower88 − If the guy is willing, yes, you can still be in the little girl's life forever. This is going to be up to him. You can talk it through with him, but you should take care of your living arrangements first. BTW, it's 'wary.' 'Weary' means 'tired.'

These Reddit takes are a rollercoaster, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just snapshots of a complex mess?

This Reddit story leaves us with a lump in our throats, wrestling with the fragile threads of love and family. The OP’s fight to stay in Sarah’s life, despite heartbreak and legal limbo, speaks to the power of chosen bonds. With expert wisdom and Reddit’s chorus of voices, we’re left pondering: how do you hold onto love when life pulls you apart? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this conversation going!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] My (29F) ex boyfriend (32M) moved out with daughter (6F). I am devastated and don’t know what to do?

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