My [24/f] boyfriend [29/m] of a few months has made inappropriate comments about money and other miscellaneous choices I make. Are these major red flags this early on?

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In a dimly lit diner, a 24-year-old woman’s heart sank as her boyfriend’s latest jab echoed: “You’ll need too much money” for her car and real estate dreams. Months into dating, his snide money comments and dismissive attitude made her feel small.

His “gentlemanly” paying for dates came with guilt trips, and a creepy “baby trap” joke shook her trust. Her Reddit plea for advice unleashed fiery reactions, urging her to weigh if these are red flags or mere bumps.

‘My [24/f] boyfriend [29/m] of a few months has made inappropriate comments about money and other miscellaneous choices I make. Are these major red flags this early on?’

I have been going out with my boyfriend for just a few months. We have a pretty good connection but I cannot help but feel anxious about the future of this relationship and how he treats me. Some concerns are: - He has made some comments in regards to money which I believe is very early for him to have an opinion on.

I am in the process of purchasing a new car for my job and have mentioned to him that I would like to invest in real estate in the future (MY personal goals and ambitions) and he has made snide comments about how I will need too much money (implying it will be a burden on him). Another example is when I went on vacation with a friend.

I jokingly asked him what his plans are for the week that I would be gone and he said 'probably save a ton of money.' He does pay for me every time we go out but I have never ever not offered and am always very appreciative of him treating me. He refuses to let me pay ever because he believes he is being a gentleman but then he makes it seem like he is doing me a favor and makes me feel guilty.

These are just a few of the times he has made money comments in that regard. In addition, he always takes spontaneous and expensive trips to which I always support him on. He is also very contradictory on the topic. One day he will say money doesn't buy happiness and the next he will be complaining about wanting more (he already makes a good amount).

I work two jobs, am completing graduate school and am still living at home while I save some money and travel while I have the chance and it seems like he has no respect for me because I am still at home. - Another thing he makes me feel guilty about is doing things for me. Example: Do you want to eat at restaurant A or B.

If I pick B, we will go to B but he always mentions actually wanting to go to A afterwards. I would tell him if he wanted to go there he should have said so and it would have been totally fine and he insists that 'it's fine,' again making me feel like I am nothing but a burden to him and he HAS to do 'nice' things for me.

- We have been intimate for a while and I am on birth control. I told him once that he didn't need to use a condom anymore (I thought most guys would prefer this) if he didn't want to but he insists on using one. A few weeks later, he made a joke that babies are made when I say things like 'you don't have to wear a condom.'

I assured him I was on birth control and it is 99% effective. That's the ONLY reason I told him he didn't need to wear one. He brushed it off but it left me sitting with a very uneasy feeling that he doesn't trust me at all and thinks I am trying to trap him or something.

- Other very brief concerns include him undermining my intelligence and not trusting me when I give him a piece of factual information. He literally has to look it up before believing me. He acts shocked when he sees that it is right. He also acts shocked that I have some 'really good' ideas about movies, books, etc...He has made some comments on the way I choose to dress or on the fact that I like to wear some make up.

He has made some uncomfortable comments about women and their intentions ('she is always on the prowl for guys,' 'most girls are crazy,' 'I hate when pretty girls get special attention,' etc...). He will also throw in some comments about men hitting on me or finding me attractive. We were out once and this server (literally a 17 year old boy) was very kind to me.

When we left, my boyfriend passive aggressively said 'that guy liked you. He kept paying attention to you.' I just couldn't believe that he was so put off by a teenager in a restaurant and was annoyed about it. Lastly, he has a short attention span and if I am talking or telling a story, he will zone out. I will ask him 'hey are you listening?' and his response would be 'if you weren't so boring, I would probably pay more attention.'

All in all, he makes me feel incompetent and like he is smarter than me, acts very paranoid about things and thinks I have ulterior motives or that I am out to get him or something, and seems to have subtle controlling tendencies, and acts like he is better or wiser than me because he is older than me.

Other than these things, we do get along and have a good time. He has some great qualities that I value in a partner but I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells with what I can and cannot do or say. Nothing seems to please him and everything is a contradiction with him. Should I see if things change at all with some time or are these behaviors set?

tl;dr: My boyfriend makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells and has made very inappropriate comments in regards to money and choices I make. Is it time to call it quits? **Edit**: Just wanted to clarify that I had no problem with the fact that he wanted to use protection.

I had told him it was okay if he didn't want to because at the time we didn't have any handy and I wasn't sleeping with anyone else and had assumed he wasn't either. When he said he didn't want to, I completely respected that and it was never mentioned again. It wasn't until he made that joke that gave me an uneasy feeling that he thought I had ulterior motives.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This woman’s unease with her boyfriend’s behavior—mocking her ambitions, undermining her intelligence, and guilt-tripping her choices—signals a troubling dynamic. His contradictory money talk and mistrustful “baby trap” joke suggest deeper issues, especially given their short dating history.

Relationship therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner warns, “Disrespect in small doses, like belittling comments, can erode self-esteem if unchecked”. His refusal to let her pay, paired with remarks implying she’s a financial burden, aligns with “emotional loan sharking,” where favors become leverage. His distrust, like fact-checking her or suspecting ulterior motives, hints at projection or insecurity.

This reflects a broader issue: power imbalances in early relationships. A 2022 study found 35% of women in new relationships report controlling behaviors, often masked as care. His comments about women’s motives further raise misogyny concerns, as Redditors noted.

She should confront him directly, citing specific examples, and gauge his willingness to change. If defensiveness persists, ending it may protect her self-worth.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery takes with a splash of wit. From calling him a condescending jerk to urging her to run, the community laid it bare.

ChaChaPosca − his response would be 'if you weren't so boring, I would probably pay more attention.' What?! Seriously, don't let anyone talk that way to you. Every bullet point here makes him sound like a really big jerk, who is manipulating you with things like emotional loan sharking*, but that last point where he out-and-out craps on you is too much!. It's time to call it quits.. *Emotional loan sharking is doing seemingly nice favors for people, and then using that against them later on.

thedreammaker − You're dating a classic misogynist. Not to mention - he prides himself on being a 'gentleman' and fulfilling certain gender roles (there's nothing inherently wrong with that, if you're into it), but believes that you should fulfill an expectation he has of YOUR gender.

And you're a woman, so of COURSE you don't know as much as he does/are silly and flighty/aren't going to be as self-sufficient as he is, and that he'll always have to care for you. Now, think about this... you've been dating a few months. He may not be traditionally abusive in a way you perceive as a problem, or you may appreciate that he's old-fashioned and a 'gentleman' in some regards.

But you're already upset about these things he's said and implied. If he doesn't try to rectify his false assumptions about women, their intelligence, and their capabilities, are you going to feel stuck if you invest more time? Are you going to be susceptible to a sunk-cost fallacy?

Are you going to let this impact your own ideas about your self-worth? Think long and hard about whether this is someone you want to be with, and think very carefully about maintaining your own truth. You sound exceptional as a person, and I'd hate to have your own view about yourself change because you've heard some repetitive b**lshit from someone who doesn't have a clue.

berrycherrysoda − I literally had a boyfriend exactly like this. I put up with all of this s**t for six months then blew up and left. When you leave him which you will, you will look back and think WHY THE F**K WAS I HANGING OUT WITH THIS WEIRDO.

rainyreminder − Yes, these are red flags. Yes, it is time to d**p him.

Farticorn − Wait, he doesn't listen when you talk & calls you boring when you catch him doing it?. That is n**ty, disrespectful behaviour. AKA a huge red flag!

[Reddit User] − Go with your gut. Like you said, it's way too soon for him to be worrying about your finances or commenting on your choices with them. Also, the fact that he won't let you pay for anything because he wants to feel like the gentleman is a flag.

I see this being held over your head in the future... something along the lines of 'You can only do this/buy that because I pay for you when we go out.' or 'I pay every time we go out, the least you can do is [insert something that makes you incredibly uncomfortable but he'll guilt you about anyway].

Also, the second someone insulted my intelligence, I'd be out of there. Guys say they want someone smart and independent, but those that get turned off when they actually get it are someone to avoid. They want someone who isn't a ditz but is dumb/naive enough to just roll with whatever they want. It sounds like he has some of his own insecurities he needs to work on.... don't let his insecurities become yours.

Toirneach − All in all, he makes me feel incompetent and like he is smarter than me, acts very paranoid about things and thinks I have ulterior motives or that I am out to get him or something, and seems to have subtle controlling tendencies, and acts like he is better or wiser than me because he is older than me.. Why are you with sometime who makes you feel that way? You can do better, and you deserve better.

[Reddit User] − 'If you weren't so boring, I would probably pay more attention.'. That's unacceptable, straight up. What an ass.

jupitaur9 − He's not actually talking about you. He's talking about the sitcom nagging wife who wants to spend all his money, who wants him to do everything for him, who wants to trap him into marrying her by getting pregnant, by being stupid or lying, and dressing like a s** object.

He's not dating you, he's dating an imaginary girlfriend. That's why he's so shocked when you don't match that person. He's not likely to ever think women are actual equal humans, so if you want to be treated like one, look elsewhere.

baughgirl − Dear god, this man is condescending. Nope nope nope.

These online roasts spark a blaze, but do they hit the mark in real life? One thing’s clear: nobody’s cheering for this guy.

This woman’s battle with her boyfriend’s belittling jabs and controlling quirks lays bare a truth: love shouldn’t make you feel small. Her gut’s screaming red flags, and Reddit’s chorus agrees—respect is non-negotiable. Will she stay or walk away? Have you ever ignored early warning signs in a relationship, only to regret it? Spill your thoughts below—let’s keep this fire burning!

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