AITA For Making Keepsake Books For My Daughters That Don’t Include My Husband?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet corner of a home, a mother pours her heart into keepsake books for her young daughters, each page a letter of love paired with a cherished photo. For years, this labor of devotion was her private gift, meant to remind her girls of her unwavering affection. But when her husband stumbled upon the project and demanded she rewrite history to include him—or abandon it entirely—the books became a hidden secret, tucked away in a cupboard.

This Reddit tale of love, boundaries, and emotional labor has the internet buzzing. Caught between her vision for a personal memento and her husband’s insistence on shared credit, the mother grapples with guilt and defiance. Is she wrong to keep the books as a mother-daughter bond, or is her husband overstepping? Let’s dive into this poignant family drama and unpack the clash over a mother’s gift.

‘AITA for making keepsake books for my daughters that don’t include my husband?’

So, I (31, F) have been making books for my daughters (6 & 2) since my first was born. Every year on their birthdays I write them a letter talking about them and how much I love them and I have been pasting them in a book next to a picture of me and them for each year.

I plan on gifting these books to them when they turn 16. My thinking was that we don’t tell the people we love how much we love them and I never want my daughters to question my love. You also never know how life is going to pan out and this way they will always have a personal memento of my own words in case anything were to happen to me.

Now, my husband (33) has always known about this. I was never keeping it from him. I would write the notes on my phone and then when I got the time would write them out to put in the book. He would even go through my phone and take snippets of what I wrote from my notes and post in to his instagram.

The problem arose when my oldest daughter had just turned 4 and he came across me actually putting a letter in the book. He looked at the book and the pictures of me and her and said “what about me?”

He was angry that I hadn’t included him and insisted that I either go back and change all the letters to say “we” instead of “I” and print new pictures that have him in them or stop making the book. I haven’t stopped making these books because I think they will be important for my girls to have

I’ve just put them at the back of a cupboard hoping he won’t find them. I feel like they are about my relationship with my daughters and I’m a little sad that my husband doesn’t see the value in that. But I feel uncomfortable that they are now a secret from him. I guess I need some outsider opinions. AITA or is my husband being unreasonable here? 

A mother’s keepsake books, filled with personal letters, are a powerful expression of love, but her husband’s demand for inclusion reveals a rift in emotional roles. Her project, centered on her bond with her daughters, wasn’t meant to exclude him but to capture her unique voice.

His reaction—demanding retroactive credit—suggests an expectation that she manage his parental legacy. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Emotional labor often falls to women, but men must take responsibility for their own relationships” (harrietlerner). The husband’s failure to contribute over years undermines his claim to shared credit.

This ties to a broader issue: gendered emotional labor. A 2022 study found 75% of mothers handle most sentimental tasks in families (nih). Lerner suggests, “Encourage partners to create their own traditions.” The mother should invite her husband to start his own project while continuing hers, fostering open dialogue to address his feelings without compromising her vision.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew rallied around this story like it’s a heartfelt book club, dishing out a warm mix of support and sharp insights. It’s like a cozy chat where everyone’s rooting for the mom and calling out the husband’s overreach. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, brimming with empathy and a touch of indignation:

fallingfaster345 − I am in the NTA camp, too. I don’t think that two parents have to *always* be lumped into everything together. It’s *okay* for children to bond with one individual parent without the other one sometimes. The same way it’s important for parents to have one-on-one time with each child in multi-children households.

I see no issue with a gift being from “just you” or “just your husband.” I also take issue with any parent of any gender who just “expects” that the other parent will do everything for them. You have been investing in this 16 year project since they were born.. something that will be beautiful and sentimental and requires time and commitment.

It’s not like you did it in secret, either. At any rate, to me the fact that your husband wants to “get in on it” despite never having even seen it, never offered to help even choose a photo or thought to write a letter would send me into a rage.

That’s some real “sign my name on the card” (of a gift they have no idea what is even in the box) energy and it’s not okay. There is nothing stopping your husband from creating his own sentimental gift. I didn’t read this as you trying to intentionally *exclude* him, as much as you just wanted a book of photos and letters of you and your children and honestly I see nothing wrong with that. It’s an amazing gift.

unimaginative_person − I would tell him you would love to include a letter written by him and a picture of him and the daughter each year. DO NOT take on the emotional work of his relationship with your daughters. Women have been sucked into the maintaining relationships role and it never works. You cannot maintain a relationship for two other people - it is between them.

PumpkinPowerful3292 − NTA - Tell your husband the next time he asks, 'What about me?' tell him that he can do his own just as easily as you as they are a diary of your feelings towards them. And his, he can do his own and that would just as great as well. I think it is great what you are doing for your children. Keep up the good work, your children will cherish them no doubt later in life.

throwawtphone − NTA. Yeah, it isn't your job to manage, coordinate, schedule, prompt, or organize his relationship with y'alls children. He is their father and presumably a grown up who is capable of facilitating relationships with people he cares about.

Bonding, nurturing and building a connection between a parent and a child is dependent on the parent doing stuff themselves to build that connection. It is like doing someone's homework for them, you can but you shouldn't.

Helping or making a suggestion is totally different than doing the entire assignment for them.. Basically he wants you to do his homework. Seriously, a kid doesn't want to hear their mom say

WantToBelieveInMagic − NTA. OMG, what a blatant example of a man believing that he is entitled to have the emotional work of a family be done by his wife but credited to him. Sadly, while appalling, it is not a surprise.

Aware_Welcome_8866 − You’re doing all the work but he wants everything to be we? Go to any bookstore. You will find Letters to my daughter/son/grandchild books every where. Get him his own books and let him do his own damn journaling. NTA.

HappySummerBreeze − Can’t he write his own letters? Does he also make you choose, research buy and wrap all gifts and just write the card to include him too?. Love is more than a feeling. You can’t outsource expressing your love.

I don’t want to be harsh, because historically men in western cultures have outsourced their expressions of love to their wives. I know that my own dad (in his 90s now) has told me he loves me a total of once in my life. It’s what a lot of men learned to cope with the harshness of life and wars.

But with compassion for the origin of this learned behaviour - you have to say “NO - you cannot out source your expressions of love.” Edit to add: you can approach this with compassion by including photos that show him in a loving or fun moment with his babies, and you can offer to include any letters from him.. Nta

SheepPup − NTA. He was aware of it, he liked your work enough to post pieces of it on social media for the accolades it would get him, and now he wants to act all hurt that he never put in the time and effort to actually contribute to this project,

and wants you to either *stop doing something to show your daughters you love them* or go back and retroactively add him in to something he had absolutely nothing to do with so he gets to take credit for something he didn’t do? Nah, f**k that. He can come up with his own idea or start making his own letters.

I’ll even give him a free idea: your six year old probably graduated kindergarten this past spring right? Have him write a letter about that and continue writing a letter every year when they finish each year of school and he can give them as a graduation present. It’s different from yours but still meaningful and he can be responsible for doing all the work himself instead of getting angry.

LottieOD − It looks like he knew she was doing this, and assumed without confirming that he was included. All for 6 years so far, without lifting a finger or making a single effort himself? Imagine that. NTA, he can write letters and take photos and add them to the books, but I suspect he just wants his wife to make him look good without him actually doing anything at all.

Chemical-Mix-6206 −

These Redditors are Team Mom, praising her dedication while slamming the husband’s demand as entitled “sign my name” energy. Some urge him to start his own tradition; others see his reaction as a red flag for deeper issues. Do their takes capture the full family dynamic, or are they just riding the wave of support? One thing’s clear—this keepsake clash has sparked a lively debate on parental roles.

This story of a mother’s hidden keepsake books and a husband’s demand for inclusion highlights the delicate balance of love and labor in families. Her commitment to her daughters shines, but secrecy breeds tension. Was she right to keep the books personal, or should she have found a compromise? Share your thoughts: how would you navigate a partner’s demand for credit in a personal project?

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