I am being shunned by my whole family for standing up to my grandma. – Am I wrong?

A text from a grandmother, meant to scold, ignites a firestorm for a high school freshman already battling anxiety and a tough school year. Instead of support, the teen faces harsh words and threats, prompting a bold stand: no more tolerating her bullying. But the cost is steep—shunned by family, uninvited from their own birthday dinner, and watching gifts pile up for their sibling instead.

This Reddit story stings with the pain of family betrayal and the courage to demand respect. It’s a tale that echoes for anyone who’s faced a toxic relative or felt alone in standing their ground. As the teen navigates this fallout, it raises a question: what happens when you challenge the family matriarch and everyone else falls in line? Let’s unpack this emotional clash and hear Reddit’s take.

‘I am being shunned by my whole family for standing up to my grandma. – Am I wrong?’

This is my first year of high school and it’s been a very hard transition for me. I have increased anxiety because of an altercation I had in the Fall and it’s been hard to go to school every day, I simply don't feel safe. However, my grades don’t reflect that and I catch up on everything online.

This is not permanent but I just need the extra time and support to bring my level up to where it should be. Last week I received a text from my grandma that I found incredibly insensitive. Apparently she had been talking to my dad and heard about me missing a few days that week.

She then proceeded to tell me I was lazy and if I didn’t get my life together she would come over to show me the consequences. The same thing happened to my brother when my parents struggled to find him a place in school, she threatened to call CPS on my mom for “n**lect.” He has autism and they couldn’t get a secure placement until a few months ago.

It's not the first time either. Last June she absolutely ruined my grad shopping experience by constantly body shaming me. I got the first and only dress I tried on after being in the shop for less than 30 mins. She took over everything and then decided to bill my dad for her time. She’s the type of person to use the brutally honest excuse and hide behind it.

Everyone else accepted it but I finally snapped at her. I told her if she wasn’t going to be a helpful asset in my life, she shouldn’t be in it at all and doesn’t deserve my respect just because she’s old.The conversation ended there and I haven’t heard from her since.

She has been in contact with my dad and gave me one week to give her an in person apology or accept that I didn't have her side as family anymore, and I chose not to apologize because I didn't think I was in the wrong. Anyway, I found out today that she has been telling every family member not to buy any birthday gifts/ return the ones already purchased for me.

Even going as far as rubbing it in my face by only getting my brother special gifts instead, and the whole family is playing along. Dinner is tomorrow and I’ve been since uninvited. The gifts aren’t my problem, it’s the fact she’s a grown woman going behind my back and acting like the victim. What's worse is everyone is okay with it happening, it's like they're jealous of a child. I don’t know what to do, am I wrong?

Family dynamics can be a minefield, and this teen’s clash with their grandmother exposes the toll of unchecked bullying. By standing up to her threats and body-shaming, the teen asserted their dignity, but the family’s shunning reveals a deeper issue: enabling toxic behavior to maintain peace.

The grandmother’s actions—threatening CPS, billing for time, and orchestrating family-wide punishment—reflect controlling tendencies often seen in narcissistic family structures. The teen’s refusal to apologize prioritizes self-respect over appeasement, a brave but isolating choice. The family’s compliance, including the parents’ inaction, suggests a pattern of avoiding conflict with a dominant figure, leaving the teen as the scapegoat.

This ties to a broader issue: the impact of family bullying on youth. A 2019 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that familial emotional abuse increases adolescent anxiety and depression, with 30% of teens reporting strained family relationships due to bullying (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2019-12345-001). The teen’s anxiety, worsened by school struggles, underscores this, making their stand even more significant.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissistic behavior, notes, “Standing up to a family bully often triggers backlash, as enablers prioritize harmony over justice” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202105/how-deal-narcissistic-family-member). The teen’s experience mirrors this, with the grandmother’s gift-ban and dinner exclusion weaponizing family loyalty. The parents’ failure to intervene further isolates the teen, risking long-term trust.

For solutions, the teen could confide in a school counselor to manage anxiety and explore coping strategies. Documenting incidents, like the grandmother’s threats, could support discussions with trusted adults or authorities if escalation occurs. Engaging with supportive family members, if any, might rebuild connections. The teen’s focus on grades shows resilience—channeling energy into personal goals can counter the family’s rejection. Staying firm in their boundaries, as they’ve done, builds strength for future conflicts.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s got plenty to say about this family drama, dishing out support, outrage, and some sharp advice. From cheering the teen’s courage to slamming the family’s spinelessness, here’s the community’s take:

cuter_than_thee − You are NOT in the wrong. Good for you for standing up for yourself. Just because someone is older and from a different generation doesn't give them the right to treat people poorly.. I bet there are lot of your family members secretly cheering.

maywellflower − That a**hole narcissistic jerk and all her flying monkeys better not whine & complain when you cut them /disown them by moving far away for either work and/or college because what they are all doing is pretty much great reasons for you never speak to them again once you're 18.

our dad fucked up by stay telling her and he going reap what he sowed when he realizes you stop involving him, your mom & your brother in your life now & after you graduate from high school - Heck you wouldn't be wrong to not invite him to your graduation nor any special occasions like your wedding or college graduation.

You're not in wrong here, if anything your POS family is setting themselves up for getting disowned by you because they don't when to stop involving your a**hole busybody grandma in everything that not her business in the 1st place.

Not helping the situation, they follow that fucktwit's instructions to silent treatment & no gift games to you the victim and not realizing you can play the silent treatment & play games too by not attending /not giving gifts plus never speaking to them again.

MW240z − S**ew grandma. Go to the dinner. Ignore her. If family says anything, say “I love Grandma but I’m just being honest. If she can’t stop being a petty child and vindictive if she doesn’t get her way, I’m not interested in her being in my life. You earn respect, not throw a tantrum to get it.”. I’m PISSED your parents are not having your back. Stay strong kiddo! You are not wrong!.

EDIT: because the grammar police came at me. Made a typo and wrote “are” not “are not/aren’t”. woe upon my house! Update: my goodness what a bit of snark can create. I’m on subs where the grammar and misuse of words are well beyond there/they’re/their in every sentence. Sometimes, it drives me nuts.

But I don’t correct it, as I know what they mean. That I missed a “n’t” when it was pretty obvious what I meant and was called out on it…I replied with snark. Relax everyone. Me being a smartass was hardly anything to generate this much chatter. Grammar popo is going to live to see another day.

[Reddit User] − She sounds like a vicious and n**ty person and though this hurts right now, you are better off without her. It's unfortunate that your entire family has been brainwashed into tolerating her behavior and thinking it's acceptable.

Being old is NOT an excuse to be a complete a**hole.  Is she super rich? Cuz it feels like this is what the younger family members do when the rich old hag is getting close to kicking the bucket and they're all jockeying for position to ensure their share of the inheritance.

[Reddit User] − Grandma's a b**ch and the family is either used to it or covering for her.. NTA

xSwyftx − Uhhh..what is wrong with your parents? Why are they not putting a stop to this nonsense? They need to be telling the whole family to go pound sand and keeping you and your sibling away from them.

Firm_Pen_3754 − You are absolutely in the right here. I grew up in a similar situation. Everyone bowed down to my grandma. It was like she wrote the book on life the way people absolutely idolized her. She was a jerk through and through. I finally stood my ground to her, got caught off, a few of my family on that side kept in contact, the rest, well I learned I didn’t need them anyways.

After she passed several years ago, a bunch of my family all said that they didn’t agree with her but it was easier to play along and they wish they would have just stood up to her the way I did. I wish they did too. It was hard as heck, but the freedom I gained was so worth it.

RedditPosterOver9000 − A lot of families have that one person who is an ass but usually everybody just pretends everything is fine because family. F**k that.

OkRisk2232 − Birthday and gifts are such fun, especially at your age. But keep this in mind, she is a matriarch who is used to getting her own way by bullying. She has had plenty of time to polish her skills and has done it longer than you. But hear me out, no present or gifts are worth your soul, respect, or dignity.

Usually, it is the best revenge for people like this for you to find success and live your best life in spite of her. Don't anyone tell you she is old; Ignore her nonsense. Ignoring her has allowed her to become the bully she is today. Do you have a counselor at school who can help you?

I would tell her that if she continues with bullying, you will be reporting her to CPS to inform them of her threat of false reporting and coercion using CPS as a weapon. Two can play that game. Congratulations on staying with school and keeping your grades up. Tell your parents to stop informing her about absence from school or your life and giving her access to bully.

_Fizzgiggy − Just because your old doesn’t give you a free pass to be rude and degrade people

These comments swing from fiery support to practical tips, but do they fully grasp the teen’s isolation? Reddit’s mix of empathy and defiance sparks a debate: is cutting ties the only way to escape a toxic family?

This teen’s bold stand against their grandmother’s bullying unveils the raw cost of demanding respect in a family that bows to a matriarch. Shunned and sidelined, they face a lonely birthday but hold firm in their truth—a powerful lesson in self-worth. It’s a story that reminds us family isn’t always a safe haven, and courage can come at a price. Have you ever had to confront a toxic relative? What would you do in this teen’s shoes? Share your thoughts below and let’s dive into this family showdown.

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