Am I wrong for going no contact with my wife after finding her online dating profiles?

In a home filled with the laughter of two young children, a father’s world crumbled when he uncovered his wife’s secret online dating profiles. After 1.5 years of long-distance marriage, her visit revealed not just distance but deception—flirting, “incidents,” and a chilling disinterest in their family. His response was swift: screenshots, a parting message, and silence. As Christmas lights twinkle, he wonders if his anger went too far.

Was he wrong to cut her out without a word, or was his reaction a shield for his broken heart? This Reddit saga, heavy with betrayal and tough choices, has sparked fierce debates. Let’s dive into the heartbreak, seek expert wisdom, and see what Reddit’s saying about this marital meltdown.

‘Am I wrong for going no contact with my wife after finding her online dating profiles?’

Sorry for the wall of text, this all has been in the last 2 weeks. I 37M and my wife 37F have been in a long distance marriage due to her work for the last 1.5 years. We have two kids 7yrs and 4yrs who live with me; my work and the kids school situation did not allow for us to relocate with her. We see each other on average every 2.5 months and initially talked everyday, video chatted with the kids.

Our main goal was to build up our savings, as we also look for better paying work in the same city and for her to build enough experience for her resume as she had been out if work since we started having kids; the job opportunity was very good for that. Unfortunately, with each visit her behaviour had been setting my alarm bells ringing, and this month I discovered her dating profiles when she visited.

This visit was particularly shocking for me because for the first time in our 9 yr marriage, she did not want to be anywhere near me, was extremely paranoid and protective of her phone, avoided any time to talk serious matters or participate in any activities with the kids. She seemed distant and

Earlier in the year I had caught her in an emotional affair and on confrontation I gave her the choice to go or stay, I wanted to work things out, start on a clean slate but I would be willing to let go amicably because of the kids. She chose to stay and that was to have been the end of that.

I did some digging and got her phone when she was asleep and discovered that she was not only flirting with multiple men, but talking with her friends about

The dating profiles are what set me off, I immediately screenshotted and sent to myself as much as I could in the short time I had the phone and played it cool till I dropped her off at the airport. When she was airborne, I sent her a whatsapp with the screenshots telling her I knew and wishing her good luck in her new life.

I sent the same to her siblings and close mutual friends, and proceeded to block all but a few. I asked them to tell her older sister I will provide them access to the children as required but to consider me out of their lives. Christmas is now upon us, the kids have not even noticed any change, they had kind of moved on that their mum was not around,

and I am going through the motions wondering if I overreacted, or if I was a bad husband, or if I was wrong for just ghosting after all this. I am still so angry, feeling betrayal and cannot even stomach a conversation with her, yet I have had her in my life since I was in my early 20s... Am I wrong?

Discovering a spouse’s dating profiles is a betrayal that cuts deep, and this husband’s choice to go no contact reflects the raw pain of shattered trust. His wife’s actions—flirting, admitting to “incidents,” and neglecting their marriage—signal a deliberate exit from their vows, especially after a prior emotional affair. His decision to share evidence with her circle and block contact was a bold move to protect his dignity and focus on his kids.

The wife’s paranoia and distance during her visit, noticed even by their children, suggest she’d emotionally checked out long before the profiles surfaced. His earlier offer of a clean slate shows he tried, but her repeated betrayal justifies his withdrawal. A 2023 study found 72% of marriages facing infidelity end when the unfaithful spouse refuses to recommit (source: Journal of Marriage and Family).

Dr. Shirley Glass, an infidelity expert, notes, “Rebuilding trust after betrayal requires full transparency and accountability from the unfaithful partner”. The wife’s secrecy and lack of effort offer no foundation for repair, validating the husband’s no-contact stance. However, ghosting without legal steps risks complications, especially with kids involved. He should consult a divorce lawyer to secure custody and finances, as Reddit advises.

This highlights a broader issue: navigating infidelity in long-distance relationships. The husband’s focus on his children is wise, but therapy could help him process guilt and anger. For readers, gather evidence calmly, seek legal advice, and prioritize kids’ stability when facing betrayal.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s unloading a mix of empathy and tough love for this husband’s drastic move, from cheering his clean break to urging legal action. Here’s what the community’s dishing:

unitedkindommodssuck − You're not wrong. You should seek legal counsel and get a divorce. Hope you're doing well.

CareerGaslighter − whole dam mountainous juggle hurry straight shocking marvelous alive snatch. *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with

Tooooooooost − This woman gave up on you. She did that every time she made a profile, went on a date or started something with someone else. Just leave man, find someone who respects you and your kids

Boomshrooom − Dude, the fact that she wasn't on the first plane back says all you need to know

[Reddit User] − You're not wrong here, you could have talked to a lawyer and got your ducks in a row before confronting her but you didn't go full ham either so you're fine from a legal liability standpoint. Talk to a lawyer ASAP and LISTEN to them. Good luck to you and the kids OP.

imposta_studio − Please please please make sure your finances are safe if your sharing them

timmer67 − Not wrong…..get to lawyer now before she does…..

Dizzy-Hotel-2626 − I’m not sure I would have handled it the way you did but then I’m not the one in the situation. For sure, sadly your marriage is over and you will need to move on. You do need to see a lawyer though as despite everything, she will have certain rights of access to the children and there will be financial implications.

lonewolf369963 − Being Distance + change of behaviour Emotional affair + confessing to not putting efforts into marriage= She has already checked out of the marriage and her agreeing to work on the marriage was only because she was caught off guard and wanted to keep you around for just in case scenario.

I did some digging and got her phone when she was asleep and discovered that she was not only flirting with multiple men, but talking with her friends about

I hope you understand the meaning of incidence and regrets & needs to move last from. You're NTA and hope you're taking steps to get away from her and this relationship. Stay strong and focus on your kids.. If I may ask has she even tried to communicate with you?

Awesome_one_forever − No. She chose her multiple affairs over her marriage and worse yet over her children.

These takes are as sharp as a winter wind, but do they get it right? Was ghosting the ultimate power move, or should he have confronted her first?

From a shocking discovery of dating profiles to a silent exit from a 9-year marriage, this Reddit tale captures the agony of betrayal. The husband’s decision to cut contact and shield his kids from their mother’s absence is a stand for self-respect, though legal steps loom large. As Christmas nears, he’s piecing together a new normal, one screenshot at a time.

Ever faced a partner’s betrayal that flipped your world? How would you handle finding secret dating profiles? Drop your stories in the comments and let’s unpack this heart-wrenching drama!

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