AIW for not talking to my brother after I didn’t go his wedding m?

The family dining table, usually a place for laughter and shared stories, turned into a battleground of unspoken grudges for one 17-year-old girl. Just weeks before her 18th birthday, she faced a sting of rejection when her brother’s wedding invitation came with a catch: no one under 18 allowed. The rule felt like a personal jab, especially when she learned her sister-in-law’s 16-year-old brother would prance down the aisle as the “funny flower guy.” Hurt and sidelined, she chose to skip the wedding, setting the stage for a family drama that spilled over into her milestone birthday party.

What happens when family loyalty gets tangled in wedding rules and bruised feelings? This teenager’s story, shared on Reddit, tugs at the heartstrings and sparks questions about fairness and forgiveness. Her decision to give her brother and sister-in-law the cold shoulder at her 18th birthday bash has the internet buzzing with opinions, and we’re diving into the messy, emotional details.

‘AIW for not talking to my brother after I didn’t go his wedding m?’

For some background this story pretty much involved me (17f) my brother (28m) and my SIL (27f). Anyway my brother and my SIL go married 1 month ago. On their invitation it said that the wedding would be child free and there would be no one under the age of 18.

No one really had a problem with this rule except some members of my SIL family but they pretty much go over it. Anyway I though that I would be an a deception because my 18th birthday was 1 week after the wedding. I asked my brother about my invitation and SIL told me that they are not having anyone under 18 because they don’t want some screaming child during their wedding.

I told her that I understand that but that I was 17 and would literally be 18 1 week after their wedding. My SIL said that the rule applied to everybody so I dropped it since it not my wedding, that is until I found that SIL’s brother who is 16 was going to be in the wedding as a funny flower guy (where he would through flower like he was joking or some type of way).

I talked to my brother and I told him that it not fair and SIL intervene and said that it was her wedding and that she loves her brother. I asked my brother so he doesn’t love and he told me to drop it. That whole conversation was about 3 Month before the wedding and after it I didn’t talk to my brother and my SIL and I ignored them during family outings.

Anyway the wedding happen and I didn’t go but then my 18th birthday was the next week, and since it was my 18th my parent made a big party. During the party I said hi to almost everybody but I was spending most of my time with my friends and my cousins. I also gave brother and SIL a hi but I didn’t talk to them the entire time.

(They are not leaving for their honeymoon just yet). Anyway after the party my brother texted my about how I hurt his and SIL’s feeling by not acknowledging them during the party and apparently SIL wanted me to take pictures with her so she could post it on her Facebook.

I responded about how he didn’t care about me when he was planing his wedding to acknowledge me and he told to to f-Ing dropped it since it already passed. I just left him on read.. But now I am starting to feel bad since it was their wedding their rule .. AIW?

Family gatherings can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when wedding plans stir up unexpected conflicts. This teenager’s exclusion from her brother’s wedding highlights a classic clash of personal boundaries and family expectations. The strict “no one under 18” rule, bent for the sister-in-law’s younger brother, left the 17-year-old feeling undervalued. Her response—skipping the wedding and distancing herself at her birthday—reflects a natural reaction to perceived unfairness, but it also escalates the family rift.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Unresolved conflicts in families often stem from unmet expectations and poor communication” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the brother and sister-in-law’s failure to address the teen’s feelings fueled her resentment. Her brother’s dismissive “drop it” attitude only deepened the wound, showing a lack of empathy that Gottman warns can erode trust.

This situation mirrors broader issues of favoritism in blended families. A 2020 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that perceived favoritism can lead to long-term relational strain (APA PsycNet). The sister-in-law’s decision to include her own brother while excluding the teen suggests a subtle bias, intentional or not, that stung deeply.

For healing, open dialogue is key. The teen could express her hurt calmly, perhaps writing a letter to avoid heated exchanges. The brother and sister-in-law should acknowledge her feelings and apologize for the oversight. Family therapy, as Gottman suggests, could help rebuild trust.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit never holds back, and this story brought out some spicy takes. Here’s what the community had to say, with a mix of support, sass, and straight-up shade.

Fire_or_water_kai − I don't think you're wrong, especially since you were going to be 18 really soon, AND them having her younger brother be a part of the wedding was especially insulting. So it's only ok if her family does goes against her rule?. Tell them you're treating them with as much regard as they've shown you, and move on.

[Reddit User] − Your brother is a moron, your SIL is a cunt and you can live very well without them. Have a great day

thatsarealquickno − Your parents were just totally fine going to the wedding without you?

Ranos131 − You are not wrong. It’s one thing to say they want a child free wedding. It’s another to make an except for one sibling but not another. You SIL was rude for excluding you and your brother was a jerk for going along with it. But hey their wedding their rules like you said.

Meanwhile your birthday party, your rules. Nothing requires you to talk to them. If that don’t like that then they need to just accept it like you accepted their rules. If your brother says anything else about it just tell him to “f-ing drop it because it’s passed already.”

Creepy_Meringue3014 − Listen, I'd be totally honest with him. Say:

Then, until you receive an apology, and even afterwards...keep your distance. Show up for Christmas dinners at your mom's house. Smile at your graduation, but never ever forget the way she made you feel because I PROMISE you she will do it again over and over and over.. Continue to give them the space they have so violently asked for from you

Illustrious_Leg_2537 − She wanted to post to FB what a happy family you all are but she didn’t want to treat you like family at the wedding. She’s horrible and so is your brother for not standing up for you.

[Reddit User] − Brush your shoulders off. Don’t feel guilty.. Your SIL cares about appearances. Not you! Your brother sadly only cares about his wife.

Motor_Week1041 − You're right, forget them. You should have told your brother, that she could have taken pictures with you at their wedding.

General-Mechanic2647 − Don’t feel bad OP. If any of my brothers did this I honestly know it would hurt our relationship because it’s not fair SIL had her 16 year old brother there at the wedding but not you and you were a week away from 18! It’s ironic your brother said he and his wife’s feelings were hurt from what you did yet they can’t even understand that’s exactly how you felt when they turned their back on your for the wedding??

Candid-Quail-9927 − You are not wrong and I cannot believe your parents were ok with you not being there as a family. I would not drop it as your feeling were hurt and the fact is they are choosing to not acknowledge it at all. Honestly both your brother and SIL are AHs and if it was me I wouldn't get past this for a long time.

These are the hot opinions from Reddit, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just fanning the family drama flames?

This tale of wedding snubs and birthday shade shows how quickly family ties can fray when fairness feels out of reach. The teen’s hurt is palpable, but her cold shoulder at the party added fuel to the fire. Can this family mend their bonds, or is this the start of a longer rift? What would you do if you were excluded from a loved one’s big day over a technicality? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this messy, relatable drama together.

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