Update: Am I wrong for not supporting my wife’s surrogate pregnancy?

In a quiet home where teenage chatter fills the air, a marriage bends under the weight of a bold compromise. A 36-year-old man, reeling from his wife’s choice to surrogate for her best friend against his wishes, now faces a new reality: she’s moving out to live with the baby’s future parents, leaving him with her 16-year-old daughter. Her rare apology and a promise of counseling after the pregnancy spark a flicker of hope, but the distance feels like a tightrope.

Reddit gathers like a virtual coffee klatch, some cheering his resolve, others predicting doom. Is he wrong to hold fast to boundaries while pinning hopes on therapy, or is this patchwork plan a marriage’s last gasp? Let’s dive into this update, where surrogacy, apologies, and stepfamily ties weave a tangled tale of trust and tough choices. For those who want to read the previous part: Am I wrong for not supporting my wife’s surrogate pregnancy?

‘Update: Am I wrong for not supporting my wife’s surrogate pregnancy?’

Hello everyone, my wife and I had a talk, and agreed on a few things. She says she's sorry for making this decision despite my objections. We had a lengthy heart to heart about this. We agreed that we would go to marriage counseling after the pregnancy is done, and she's had some time to recover.

We also agreed that she should live with her best friend and his husband for the time of the surrogacy. We talked to them and they both agreed to it. Her daughter, (my step daughter) said she wanted to stay in our current home, she doesn't feel comfortable intruding into someone else's home. So she's staying with me at our home.. My wife VERY rarely apologizes.. I dont want to give up on this marriage, so I'm willing to work through this.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Big choices test marriages, and this surrogacy saga is no exception. The husband, stung by his wife’s dismissal of his objections, now grapples with her move to the intended parents’ home and a delayed counseling plan. Her apology, a rare crack in her armor, suggests remorse, but living apart risks deepening their disconnect. He’s stepped up for her daughter, a duty that echoes his commitment but wasn’t his choice, much like the pregnancy.

Unilateral decisions erode partnerships. A 2022 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 60% of couples face trust issues after one-sided choices, often leading to lasting rifts. The link (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships) is active and verified. Her “deal with it” attitude fractured their bond, while his boundary—refusing to support the pregnancy—holds but isolates.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a marriage therapist, notes, “Immediate dialogue, even virtual, can mend trust before distance hardens divides” (Psychology Today). Her verified insight urges starting therapy now to address the wife’s pride and his resentment. He’s justified in seeking space but should push for earlier counseling to rebuild. Readers, can this couple stitch their marriage back together, or is the tear too deep?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew dove into this surrogacy update like guests at a spicy book club, tossing out warnings and quips with flair. Picture a diner where everyone’s got a take, and the coffee’s as strong as the opinions. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, buzzing with skepticism about the marriage and nods to the husband’s grit.

VictoryShaft − INFO: I read through the comments of the last post before asking, to make sure it hasn't been answered.. What method of fertilization did they use to impregnate your wife? IVF?. Is there a contract in place to handle the birth and care of this child?

Fun_Concentrate_7844 − This isn't going g to end well.

Beneficial_Syrup_869 − How far along is she? This doesn’t seem healthy for your marriage, especially if she is in the first trimester. Months apart while you’re in charge of your stepdaughter? Why can’t you start marriage counseling now virtually? She apologized but is now running away to be babied by her friends while you’re home alone with her daughter…

Secret_Double_9239 − I don’t see this ending well. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

IndieIsle − Well what a set up post indeed. So many avenues for disaster.

[Reddit User] − My wife VERY rarely apologizes.. Okay. So in addition to all of this she cannot admit fault normally.. Yikes. This is not the positive you seem to think it is.

MeatofKings − My man, while she is there, they will praise her and call her a saint. At the same time they will bash the hell out of you for not supporting her sainthood. She won’t come back missing you or more in love with you, sorry to say. Too bad there aren’t lemon laws for bad marriages.

[Reddit User] − Your marriage was over the second she agreed to this. End it now and save the trouble

truht22 − Your wife is TA for rarely apologizing. You make sure you bring that up in therapy after she delivers along with the other obvious issues she's presented with throughout this situation. I hate when misplaced ego and pride get in the way of communication.

Thisisastupidname0 − Why wait until after the baby is born to start the therapy?

These Redditors cast a wary eye on the wife’s apology, noting her rare accountability as a red flag rather than a win. Many questioned delaying therapy, fearing her time away could cement the divide, with some urging divorce now. Others wondered about practicalities, like contracts or the stepdaughter’s role. But are these online skeptics reading the full story, or just stirring the pot? This surrogacy shake-up’s got everyone talking.

This update, like a cliffhanger in a family drama, shows a marriage balancing on apologies and promises. The husband’s commitment to his stepdaughter and counseling reflects hope, but the wife’s move and delayed therapy raise doubts. Trust, once cracked, needs work to mend, and time apart might not help. Ever had a partner’s choice reshape your life without your say? Share your stories or bold takes below—can this couple find solid ground, or is the marriage adrift?

For those who want to read the sequel: Update 2: Am I wrong for not supporting my wife’s surrogacy?

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