Am I wrong for the way I feel regarding my recent houseguests?

In a sun-soaked tourist haven where hotel rooms cost more than a fancy dinner, one generous soul opened their home to a long-time friend and her husband. The salty breeze and crashing waves promised a dream vacation, but what unfolded was a tale of hospitality stretched to its breaking point. The host, expecting a joyful reunion, found themselves playing chef, maid, and chauffeur for 11 long days, their goodwill drained faster than their car’s gas tank.

As the guests lounged, the host’s frustration simmered, bubbling over with every unwashed dish and borrowed shampoo bottle. Readers, brace yourselves for a story that’ll make you rethink inviting that old friend to crash at your place. It’s a vivid reminder of how blurry the line between guest and freeloader can get, leaving us all wondering: where do you draw the boundary?

‘Am I wrong for the way I feel regarding my recent houseguests?’

So I live in a very very tourist driven area. Like hotels start at $500 a night for the not so trendy areas. I have a long time friend who in the past was a huge help when my kids were little. She since moved away with her family and has only been back to visit once before. This time it was her and her husband wanting to visit. Ok… sure. They were here for 11 days.

Spend 4 days at my house, 3 days went ( in my car… this matters later ) to visit other friends, then 4 more days at my house. During this time they bought take out dinner once and she bought some fish for tacos one night. Other than that I bought groceries, cooked, cleaned etc. The couple times we went out I paid, they used my laundry stuff, my shampoo etc everything.

Did not bring any of their own stuff and did not buy anything. When they brought my car back it was filthy on the inside and out of gas. When I took them to the airport they were already excited talking about the next time they visit. I feel like I am just going to be “too busy” for company next time around. I just feel so taken advantage of. I would never behave that way when staying at someone’s house.

Hosting friends in a dreamy destination sounds like a recipe for fun, but this story reveals how quickly generosity can curdle into resentment. The Reddit user’s predicament—feeling like an unpaid Airbnb—highlights a classic clash of expectations. The host anticipated mutual respect, while the guests treated the visit like an all-inclusive resort, leaving behind a messy car and a frazzled friend.

This dynamic isn’t uncommon. A 2019 survey by Booking.com found that 61% of hosts feel stressed by guests who overstay or overstep boundaries. The guests’ failure to contribute, like buying groceries or filling the gas tank, signals a deeper issue: entitlement. Dr. Jane Adams, a social psychologist, notes, “Reciprocity is the glue of relationships. When one side takes without giving, it erodes trust” (source).

Broadening the lens, this story taps into the social norm of hospitality. In tourist-heavy areas, locals often face pressure to host, especially when hotels are pricey. The Reddit user’s guests, perhaps oblivious, leaned hard into this norm, ignoring the host’s emotional and financial toll. Their past help with the host’s kids doesn’t justify freeloading years later.

Advice: Set clear expectations before guests arrive—discuss expenses, chores, and visit length. If they hint at returning, politely say, “We loved seeing you, but hosting is tough with our schedule.”

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of empathy and outrage. Here’s a peek at their candid, sometimes hilarious takes on the host’s ordeal.

ElephantNo3640 − Yeah, that’s lame. They might be on a shoestring, but all this needed to be addressed before the visit if they intended on being “guests” instead of visitors. I’d just tell them you’re unavailable the next time. If they only want to be friends for what you can offer, then you don’t really need them.

JGalKnit − YOU ARE NOT WRONG. I want to scream this from the rooftops. NO NO NO NO NO. Do NOT let them into your house. Now, family, that is a little different. I mean, I bring my own stuff when I visit my parents, and would have rented a car or something, but my parents wouldn't really want me to pay for much.

However, if my friends lived in a location that was fun for visits like this, I would obviously want to stay with them. I would have definitely brought all of my own hygiene items, or purchased them upon arrival, AND I would have treated EVERY time we went out and returned your car with a full tank of gas CLEAN.

I NEVER expected guests when I lived in a nice vacation area to pay for everything like groceries. I would usually cook one or two nights at home (my treat) but if they wanted to treat me to meals out, I would allow it, and if they wanted to buy the nice bottle of wine for my dinner, also fine. If you are getting a free place to stay, do something nice for them. AND send them a thank you basket! I am sorry your

Delilahpixierose21 − The next time she mentions visiting her be honest.. Tell her you cannot afford to host another 2 adults again. It will either spark a conversation or she will act all offended and decide not to grace you with her presence.. (Either way you win)

MissMurderpants − Op, if they bring up visiting again you let them know that while you didn’t mind them visiting but as guests they were horrible and you expect them to be better guests if they want to visit in the future.. If they get upset. So what? They didn’t mind upsetting you.

totallyawesome143 − F**k those people, don't' ever have them back, and stop talking to them.

VegasLife1111 − Fall back on the TRUTH. Tell them you simply CAN’T AFFORD to host anyone other than family. That you’ve had people who’ve just been USING YOU and have cost you a lot of time, energy and money. That you just can’t believe how some people BEHAVE. 😶

[Reddit User] − Just curious: How was she a huge help with your kids, and did you reward her for that? If not, maybe this was your payback?

Biotoze − God damn you shoulda got paid for all that. You were a personal chauffeur or something

Piavirtue − Close down the free hotel. If (when) they want to come again, say no. Say sorry just can’t. Avoid explanations unless you want to tell the truth. I too live in a place where people like to come. You have to grow a spine and a thick shell. Guests will leave a mess, eat your food, expect you to give them tours and say “see you next year”. Don’t let it get started. Keep a list of hotel/motels handy.

FrauAmarylis − Houseguests are like fish. After a few days, they start to stink.. You should have been more assertive and asked them to pay for gas. We stopped having guests when we lived in Hawaii. People agreed ahead of time to pay for their gas, groceries, etc. And then they literally hand me $50 when they leave. Hawaii is $300/day to rent a car. It's $8 for a box of cereal.

It's insanely expensive. I think you owed your friend this nice vacation, and you can feel good about evening things up since she was so supportive to you in the past. Next time, make it clear that due to popular demand, your husband has a rule that guests have a 3 night maximum. Make sure your house is empty of food and your car is empty of gas, so they have to figure it out.

We had a couple try to Stay Longer! I literally told my husband to take them to the bar they wanted to go to and then my husband came home and picked up their luggage and took it to them and after the bar, he asked where their hotel was. My husband is too nice, so I told him if he caved to their pressure and brought them back, he'd be in the dog house.

These fiery opinions light up Reddit, but do they mirror real-world hospitality etiquette? One thing’s clear: the crowd’s fed up with freeloaders masquerading as friends.

This tale of houseguests-gone-wild leaves us cheering for the host to lock the door next time. It’s a wake-up call to set boundaries before your home turns into a free motel. What would you do if friends treated your place like their personal resort? Share your thoughts, horror stories, or genius hosting tips in the comments—let’s keep this conversation rolling!

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