UPDATE: AITA for wanting my boyfriend to come straight home after work (on some days) to help me destress after taking care of our 4 month old son all day?

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In a quiet moment of clarity, a new mom packed her bags and left, her 4-month-old son in tow. After begging her boyfriend to come home early some nights to ease her relentless childcare load, his silence during her week away spoke louder than words. His nightly sauna marathons and bar visits had left her feeling like a single parent. This Reddit update, a follow-up to a heated saga, traces her bold exit from a one-sided relationship.

The weight of exhaustion and dismissal pushed her to her mom’s for respite, only to find her boyfriend’s indifference sealed their fate. His claim that she was “taking his son away” rang hollow against his absence from fatherhood. This tale of red flags and resolve invites readers to cheer a mom who chose herself and her child over neglect.

For those who want to read the previous part: AITA for Wanting My Boyfriend to Come Straight Home After Work?

‘UPDATE: AITA for wanting my boyfriend to come straight home after work (on some days) to help me destress after taking care of our 4 month old son all day?’

I suppose this falls under relationships but just wanted to let you guys know how it went. I left my BF’s to go rest at my mom’s. During that week, my BF never reached out to me (even if to check if we arrived safely or to ask about our son) and that was the answer I needed. End of the week I texted him to ask if I could pick my things from his place.

I told him things weren’t working out as he clearly didn’t care about me and we weren’t a priority to him. He said he didn’t see what he had done wrong which is why he had kept quiet and didn’t reach out. He said by me moving out, I was taking his son away from him; yet he spent 3/4 of his free time out of the house in the ‘sauna’(3-4hrs on a weekday after work and 8hrs on the weekend; EVERYDAY).

He said he didn’t see the point of coming home to baby sit a 4 month old who needed his mother more. All I wanted was for him to come home after work on some days and take care of the baby while I shower in peace or eat food. He said it’s clear I wasn’t ready to have a child because he knows women who work 9-5 jobs and still come home to cook and take care of the kids.

Implying that I’m failing because I need a break for an hour? He said we could reverse roles and he wouldn’t complain at all. When I told him he should be bonding with the baby, he said he’ll take over when he’s a toddler and easier to handle and that kids can be bribed with money and trips and they’ll be your best friend.

I did not make the decision to end this just because of this issue; it was a combination of all red flags. But to be honest, this was the last straw. I was running on fumes, exhausted physically and mentally and I was asking him to help me but he decided, without talking to me about it, that I didn’t need a break.

I believe He wants to live his life as a single man but enjoy the benefits of a relationship (s**, companionship, good housekeeping and food) when he comes home; that’s not how a relationship works. For a while he made me feel like what I was asking for was too much. And that I was crazy for asking for a little consideration.

Like I wasn’t worth fighting for. I felt it was wrong and talking to you guys here on reddit strengthened my resolve. We are now officially ex’s and to be honest, I don’t feel like it’s a loss. I only feel stupid that I chose this person and I’m tied to him for the rest of my life and now my child is the one that suffers from my choice and not having a good father around him everyday.

Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments and messages. You made me feel much better about everything and like I wasn’t alone; y’all are awesome! xoxoxo. Edit; the comments were unlocked a while after the post was appoved. Sorry 😐. Edit; the awards 😍😍 thank you so much.

Breaking free from a partner who devalues your needs is no small feat, especially with a newborn. The boyfriend’s claim that childcare is the mom’s sole duty—while he spends hours unwinding—reveals a stark imbalance. Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual support, not one partner’s sacrifice” (source: Psychology Today). His refusal to engage, even during her absence, underscores a lack of commitment.

The mom’s exhaustion as a breastfeeding SAHM, with no breaks, is valid. His suggestion that she’s failing because she needs an hour’s rest echoes outdated gender roles, dismissing her mental health. His plan to “bond” when the child is a toddler shows a troubling disconnect from early parenting.

This situation mirrors a broader issue: unequal parenting expectations. A 2023 study found 70% of mothers feel primarily responsible for childcare, even in partnerships (source: Pew Research Center). The boyfriend’s desire for single-life perks without responsibilities highlights a common relationship pitfall.

Dr. Heitler advises setting firm boundaries and seeking partners who share values. The mom’s choice to leave, bolstered by Reddit’s support, reflects strength. For others in similar binds, counseling or clear ultimatums may help.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit erupted with applause for this mom’s courage, tossing in equal parts humor and outrage. From mocking the boyfriend’s “toddler bonding” plan to urging child support, the comments were a fiery mix:

farlalala30 − I love it when the other partner thinks staying home with a infant is easy. They have zero clue. You are better off without him.

TheRiddler1976 − Yeah....anyone else thinking sauna is another woman?. You're better off without him - sounded like you were effectively a single mum anyway

Vaskemannen − Make him pay child support

lolzidop − When I told him he should be bonding with the baby, he said he’ll take over when he’s a toddler and easier to handle and that kids can be bribed with money and trips and they’ll be your best friend.. What? Talk about lazy.

beretbabe88 −

Mr_Bruce_Duce − As a man, reading this really frustrates me. Babies are not just a woman’s responsibility just because they can feed them naturally. You’ll be absolutely shattered and like you said, just an hour to yourself to clean yourself up makes all the difference.

It’s fine for him to have the stimulation of work and seeing multiple people whilst you’re just left at home in your own? But don’t worry though, you only have to wait two years and then he will start pulling his weight and looking after your toddler... great.. His attitude stinks and it sounds like you’re both better without. I wish you all the best!

[Reddit User] −

Oh that's too funny! He's in for a rude awakening if he thinks any of that is true. Just wait until he has to handle his first toddler tantrum and he has no tools to handle it because he erroneously assumed you can just bribe them into being your

Red1990-12 − Good for you OP, your ex sounds like he doesn't want to be a parent. Having kids means changing your life to suit, why become a parent if you don't want to see your kid grow up, they change so fast. My wife took 18 months off work to stay home with our kids but yet I still do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, bathtime, bedtimes, shopping and work full time, she is busy keeping our newborn alive and well and recovering herself.

I want to be as much a part of their lives as I can, not disappear for 8-12 hours a day... F**k your ex. You're better off. Your baby is better off, sounds like he would be a s**tty dad if he just wants to bribe his kid to like him, not to mention having no bonding with the child at this stage is going to f**k his plan up anyway.

spidergwen13 − You definitely did the right thing here. When I (16f) was little, a similar situation happened to me except I was the baby, and my dad didn’t really want to take care of me and spent his time either working or flirting with other girls. My mum divorced him when I was two and I am so grateful for it.

My mum has raised me completely and I love her so much and am completely happy with her decision. I tried to see my dad a lot when I was little, every two weeks I would sleep at his, but as I got older he just became abusive whenever I went over so last year I went non contact with him and have never been happier.

Your child will most likely grow up happier in a home with a loving mum than a home where his mom is stressed by an uncaring father. You sound like a great mom already and I wish you the best in the future 💕 good luck

jupitersreal − why are there no comments???

These reactions pack a punch, but do they capture the full weight of her choice, or just revel in the drama? One thing’s certain—Reddit’s rooting for her fresh start!

This update of a mom’s escape from a neglectful partner is a testament to self-worth and resilience. Was she right to walk away, or could they have salvaged it? Reddit’s cheering her on, but every breakup carries its own shadows. What would you do if your partner left you to parent solo while claiming “sauna time”? Drop your thoughts below and let’s dive into this tale of empowerment and tough choices!

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