AIW to feel cheated? My wife told me after 11 years together that she married me because she thought I would be a better father and a more stable partner than her long term ex?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet home where children’s laughter once echoed, a husband’s world fractures under the weight of a single confession. After 11 years of marriage, his wife reveals she chose him not for love, but for his promise as a stable father and partner—a practical choice over her unstable ex. The words, spat in anger and later confirmed, sting like a betrayal, leaving him to question a decade of devotion.

He’s torn between love for his kids and the pain of a marriage built on a lie, while Reddit rallies with raw takes. Was his hurt justified, or should he brush off her candor? Readers, brace for a heart-wrenching tale of love, trust, and the truths that unravel us.

‘AIW to feel cheated? My wife told me after 11 years together that she married me because she thought I would be a better father and a more stable partner than her long term ex?’

I can't really talk about this to anyone and I don't want to show my feelings too much at home because I don't want the kids to worry or think that something is wrong. My wife had an ex that she dated for several years but then broke up with him because he didn't want to become a father at the time and didn't have a very stable life/career.

I had known her as an acquaintance for years and then we began dating a year after her break up. Initially, our marriage was happy, and she used to tell me that she loved me and that I was a great husband. Then things became stressful over the years and we were arguing a lot.

One day, when she was extremely angry, she told me that she has never been able to fall in love with me and that she shouldn't have married me. Later when I confronted her about whether she really meant this, she said she did.

She said that I was a good father and she was right about that, but that our personalities don't gel and she chose to marry me because she was being

and I'm not sure how to process the emotions of the entire marriage feeling like a lie. It doesn't help that I have always been in love with her, even with the problems that we've been having.. Am I being wrong here? I feel like I should be handling this better.

Marriage thrives on mutual love, but this story exposes the devastation when that foundation is missing. The husband, blindsided by his wife’s admission that she married him for stability, not affection, faces a crisis of trust. Her choice, rooted in practicality, clashes with his genuine love, leaving him feeling like a means to an end.

Her honesty, though brutal, reflects a common dynamic: a 2020 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found 30% of marriages prioritize pragmatic factors like stability over romantic love (Journal of Marriage and Family). Yet, her delivery during an argument lacked empathy, deepening the wound.

Dr. Esther Perel, a relationship expert, notes, “Love requires vulnerability; withholding it undermines intimacy” (Esther Perel). The wife’s inability to love him threatens their bond, validating his pain. Couples therapy could uncover whether love can grow, but he may need to consider separation to reclaim his worth. His hurt is a natural response to a shattered illusion.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew dove into this marital mess with fervor, serving up a mix of empathy and fiery advice. Picture a late-night coffee shop where everyone’s spilling their take, no sugarcoating. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, packed with support for the husband and shade for the wife’s revelation.

fetgdry − You aren’t wrong and it’s frankly horrendous on her part to say this. If it’s how she feels, is it reason enough to not want to carry on in a lie of a relationship. Not everyone will marry the greatest love of their lives, but most relationships needs mutual respect to carry on.

If she doesn’t have that, why do you have to be the one that makes your kids feel safe in their family? Isn’t it her responsibility too? I really feel for you, people will say try counselling or talking it out, but you are entitled to be liked / loved too, not just considered a good safe option

HumanityIsBizarre − Yeah I’d definitely be filing for divorce first thing the next morning, let her go back to her ex or find some other mug to be with.

[Reddit User] − That hurts man. If she really feels like that then it’s worth considering that you can go find someone who returns your earnest affections.. It’s also possible that she’s stressed and angry and short sighted.

Personally if I found out my spouse didn’t love me I wouldn’t consider them my spouse anymore. They could be many other things, a co parent, maybe some kind of a domestic partner, but not a true soulmate.. That being said you should probably try therapy and get the bottom of her feelings.

750turbo11 − Ummm. She basically said you are the lesser of 2 evils- that’s what people want to hear from their spouses, right?? drop her like a toilet seat 🚽

[Reddit User] − No, your feelings are absolutely valid. You were/are her safety net. Whatever you do from henceforth, at least walk forward with the acceptance of the marriage being built on a lie in your heart. I’m sorry she couldn’t fall in love with you after 11 years of companionship, but it seems she never ever intended to.

astroprof − My wife informed me she married me for chain migration (herself and her mother). After 20 years and 4 children. It’s going to really hurt for a while. Feelings of wasted opportunities, being a fool, humiliation, etc.

I see it now as we were never really married—she broke her wedding vow of “to love” before the wedding ceremony was complete. But I wasted the prime of my life when I could have been trying to find true love.. FYI statute of limitations on marriage fraud is 5 years.

mi_nombre_es_ricardo − Jesus christ. Are you going to stay in a marriage with someone who doesn’t love you? So what, if you lose your job and stop being a provider she will kick you out? Nah man. Life is too precious for that s**t

uglybutt1112 − She settled. It happens. If you can, leave. If you cant due to the kids, live separate lives. Go workout. Be attractive. Have fun. Date other people

AnUnusedCondom − If my wife told me this I would let her go in my heart, and go to a divorce lawyer by myself. I would sleep in a separate room and offer no intimacy whatsoever towards her. Ever! No I love you, hugs, kisses, terms of endearment, no money, no gifts, nothing.

I would also start the conversation with my family on next steps that I should do in order to receive as much support from them as possible. I would also be truthful with her family in the reason I’m divorcing her and shine a light on this horrible and disgusting thing.

The one good thing to come out of this are your kids. Make sure they are taken care of and know it isn’t their fault. When someone tells you they don’t love you, believe them. She will only keep hurting you on purpose now that she knows it hurts you. Don’t let her, guard your heart. Good luck.

Solipsisticurge − Not wrong at all, man. That's a s**tty thing to learn, especially as she confirmed it later after the

These Redditors stood firmly with the husband, validating his hurt and urging him to prioritize self-respect, with many suggesting divorce or separation. Others saw her confession as a breach of mutual respect, questioning the marriage’s future. But are these online allies catching the full nuance, or just fanning the flames? One thing’s clear—this tale of loveless motives has hearts racing.

This story of a marriage unmasked reminds us that love, not just stability, fuels lasting bonds. The husband’s pain isn’t just about a confession; it’s about a life built on a half-truth. His wife’s practicality cost him trust, leaving him at a crossroads. Have you faced a relationship revelation that shook your core? Share your stories, advice, or bold takes below—let’s keep this convo burning!

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