AITA For Dropping Financial Support Over an Intervention?

The air was thick with tension in a cramped family living room, where a man sat, arms crossed, facing a chorus of accusing voices. For years, this 43-year-old high earner had been the financial backbone for his extended family, doling out thousands to keep them afloat. But when his sister’s legal troubles left her four children in need, and his relatives staged a dramatic intervention to demand more—more money, more responsibility—he hit his breaking point. What began as a cultural duty spiraled into a showdown over loyalty, boundaries, and personal freedom.

Readers can’t help but feel the sting of his frustration, caught between societal expectations and his own desire for independence. Was he wrong to slam the door on his family’s demands? This tale of obligation and defiance pulls us into a world where money, family, and self-worth collide, leaving us to wonder: where do you draw the line?

‘AITA For Dropping Financial Support Over an Intervention?’

Most of my relatives are poor because have too many kids, despite easy access to abortions. As a high-income earner, I (M43) support them (strong cultural expectations) but cap it at \~25k/year, \~3600/household, which is not enough to pull them above water.

I'm a male childfree cat lady, and not a kid person; this is b**sphemy in my culture, but I keep my relatives in line by withholding allowance and humoring misconceptions about inheritance. I was pushed so hard, (back when I depended on them) that I now want NOTHING to do with their kids.

I don't babysit, minimize interactions with their kids, and I'm not afraid to pull an Irish goodbye. 2 months ago, my sister Laura (F28) and her husband (M29) got in trouble and will be indisposed for awhile, leaving behind their children (Tim M6, Tom M7 Isabella F5 and Mary F2).

My relatives voluntold me to adopt the kids. After I refused, they asked me to financially support the kids; I offered to donate their allowances to Laura's kids. I thought that was the end of it (despite some muttering), but then they sprang an intervention on me.

They accused me of

I'm effectively LC, and when I do see them, I feel like an outsider, am deprioritized, and am expected to be flexible. They dismiss my goals, achievements and struggles. They add nothing to my life; I only stayed with them because of social/cultural norms around blood, and their ultimatum made it much easier for me to cut them loose.

Some relatives really need my money and are now backtracking. Most are playing the family card (but they're not); others are trying to guilt trip me with their kids (but I don't care about their kids); a few are now ok with my now rescinded offer. I'm not budging; failure to budget on their part does not constitute responsibility on my part.

They're not family, and I don't want them back. Flying monkeys have accused me of taking out my dislike of my relatives on their kids and said that I should support them because I easily can, but 1) I'm indifferent to their kids, not malicious 2) I can also support another million good causes, I just don't like this one.. AITA?

Family dynamics can be a tightrope walk, especially when money and cultural expectations are involved. This man’s story highlights a clash between individual autonomy and collective duty, a tension many face in family-oriented cultures. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, not obligation”. Here, the relatives’ intervention—demanding more support while dismissing his feelings—crossed a critical boundary, pushing him to reclaim his agency.

The relatives’ accusations of selfishness reflect a common tactic: guilt as leverage. Yet, their dependence on his income, without valuing his perspective, reveals an imbalance. Cultural norms often glorify self-sacrifice, but as Gottman suggests, relationships thrive on reciprocity. The man’s choice to cut ties, while drastic, signals a stand for self-respect over exploitative expectations.

This situation mirrors broader societal issues around financial enmeshment in families. A 2021 study by the Pew Research Center found that 59% of adults in the U.S. provide financial support to family, often at personal cost. For the OP, the intervention was a breaking point, exposing how dependency can erode mutual respect.

For those in similar binds, experts recommend setting clear boundaries early. Communicating limits—financial or emotional—can prevent resentment. Therapy, as one commenter suggested, could help navigate cultural pressures while honoring personal values.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery support and sharp wit. Here’s what they had to say:

huckleberryjam1972 − It’s been very responsible of you taking care of your family. Sounds like it’s an expectation placed in you by societal/familial norms in your culture. As such your family just takes you for granted, now they try and force unwanted children on you? Good for you on standing your ground and saying no. NTA enjoy your child free life away from your freeloading relatives

coldgator − 1000% NTA

Priapism911 − NTA, your money spend it as you see fit. Karma is a b**ch!

presvil − NTA. If I were you, I would cut them all off, explain why, and tell them to f**k off.

Content-Plenty-268 − NTA. Ditch these leeches, pick another culture. I know it’s easy to say, it’s hard to get the cultural expectations out of us, but you seem to be well on your way. People who depend on your generosity don’t get to insult and criticize you.

[Reddit User] − NTA but I I’d gently push you towards trying some therapy with a culturally competent therapist (we do exist!). I think there are some boundaries that would help you live a better life that is more true to who you want to be in the world. It sounds like your family look to you for money but don’t value you for you.

I wonder if there’s a better way for you meet expectations you actually care about and want to uphold, while leaning out of relationships that have no interest in you as a person. You don’t owe your money to anyone, and if it’s not being freely given (I genuinely love and respect you, I want to help you with no expectation of return), then you shouldn’t be doling it out.

People need to learn to live within their means or strive to find better opportunities for themselves. It won’t help them or their children to be the crutch standing inbetween those lessons.  Go buy yourself an expensive god ugly cat and consider finding someone to talk some of this through with, for your own long term well being. 

LukeHeart − NTA as the saying goes, don’t bite the hand that feeds you

Secret-Sample1683 − NTA. They FAFO. They kept having kids cuz they knew you’d bail them out. But it’s not on you to support them. Cut them out and don’t look back

Excellent-Count4009 − NTA. There is NO duty for you to pgive them money.

SeaworthinessDue8650 − You seem to be doing well. Have you considered moving, leaving all the grifters behind, and enjoying your life?. NTA

These hot takes from Reddit are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Is cutting ties always the answer, or could there be a middle ground?

This man’s saga leaves us pondering the cost of family ties and the courage it takes to break free. By walking away, he reclaimed his life, trading cultural duty for personal peace—and a trip to Bali to boot. But was he too harsh, or was this the only way to escape a cycle of demands? What would you do if your family pushed you to the edge over money or responsibility? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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