Am I wrong for hiding my knowledge of another language?

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A forgotten lunch delivery unveils a secret, and suddenly, a workplace hums with tension. When his wife mentions their time in Colombia, a man’s coworker, Maria, learns he knows some Spanish—knowledge he kept quiet to avoid her.

Her hurt over his silence clashes with his discomfort speaking the language. Readers sense the friction, drawn into a story of boundaries and unspoken expectations, echoing dilemmas like.

‘Am I wrong for hiding my knowledge of another language?’

So just under a year ago I started a new job that had be working with 5 other co workers in the same space. This mainly involves one but the others are giving opinions on if I was wrong. One of my co workers, Maria, is very upset at me for hiding that I knew her language. The context is this.

When I first started I immediately did not like Maria. I found her very aggressive and obnoxious but she did her work fine. So I decided early to just limit personal conversations so we would not have to interact much, which has worked for nearly a year. One important thing her is that Maria is from Argentina and talks about how much she misses it( We are in the US).

She especially misses speaking Spanish with people and has said so many times. She said English takes more focus and is not as comfortable for her. Our area does not have much of a community in the way of Spanish. Now I personally know some Spanish. I would say I am awful at it and I hate using it because I find it so hard to hear the worlds but is someone tries to speak to me and says the words clearly I can understand.

I did not disclose this to Maria as I 1. Did not want her to talk to me more. and 2. do not enjoy speaking Spanish. This has been fine until last week where my wife came to work to drop off my lunch I had forgotten and met my co workers. They asked where she was from and she said Colombia as well as it coming up that I lived in Colombia with her for two years.

Since this interaction Maria has been very upset saying if I lived in Colombia for two years I must be good at Spanish and was hiding that from her. The second part is true, I did hide that I knew any. The first is not. I am terrible at Spanish and basically just talked to no one for two years while studying Spanish a bit.

My co workers are split in half. The two I am friends with say I have no obligation to befriend or talk to Maria outside of work stuff. The other two say that it was mean to not tell her I know some Spanish so I could practice and she could have someone to talk to.. ​

Maria’s outrage feels like a storm in a teacup, but it’s rooted in real emotion. She misses her native Spanish, and his undisclosed knowledge—however limited—feels like a snub. He, meanwhile, dodged sharing to avoid her abrasive personality and his own struggles with the language. Let’s unpack this with expert insight.

Dr. Amy Edmondson, a workplace dynamics expert, notes, “Transparency in teams builds trust, but personal disclosures aren’t owed unless they impact work.” His choice to limit interaction with Maria was strategic, prioritizing professionalism over personal connection. Maria’s perspective, however, ties to cultural identity—her longing for Spanish reflects a deeper homesickness. His silence, though not malicious, hit a nerve, as she saw a potential ally.

This taps a broader issue: navigating cultural expectations at work. A 2022 Harvard Business Review study found that 57% of employees feel pressure to share personal details to foster team cohesion, yet 43% resent it when those details are weaponized. Maria’s reaction risks escalating a personal grievance into a workplace issue.

Advice: Address it calmly. Dr. Edmondson suggests a brief, honest chat: “I’m not comfortable speaking Spanish, and I didn’t mean to offend.” If tensions persist, involve a manager to reset boundaries.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t mince words, tossing out blunt takes and practical tips like a lively office break room chat. Here’s what they said:

Megmelons55 − You're never obligated to share personal information with coworkers. NTA

imf4rds − It’s a job not your social circle. Unless it’s a requirement that you know a second language for a client or something I don’t see how you are in the wrong.

only_honesty − You don't like her, and you didn't go out of your way to upset her or anything. Your coworkers are tripping over nothing. Tell em to do duolingo for a couple months if they wanna be her practice buddy so bad.

Humble-Plankton2217 − You're not fluent, you don't like speaking it, you don't like Maria and wouldn't want to make her think she could develop a closer connection with you.. You're not wrong to have not shared that info. It's none of her business, anyway.

anaofarendelle − Had she even asked you about your life? Like did she even try to make conversation and know more about you? It’s not hiding it’s just not publicly saying you speak x or y. And it seems as hard it is for her to speak English, it is for you to speak Spanish, so why would you make an effort for someone you don’t even know well?

capmanor1755 − Maria sounds exhausting. And your co-workers don't sound great. Tell them, once, that you survived in Columbia by speaking to your wife in English and almost no one else and your Spanish is non-existent to terrible.

And if anyone wants to sit down with your manager and argue about what language you should use they can schedule the meeting. And perhaps have a sidebar conversation with your manager- this is escalating past the point of reason.

Mistress_Kittens − Not wrong. You don't have to talk to anyone in any language that you don't want to unless your job requires it. You have absolutely zero obligation to go out of your way to speak in a way you're uncomfortable with just because someone else would benefit, especially to your detriment.

DrKittyLovah − Absolutely not wrong. Maria’s happiness, comfort, whatever, is not your concern. You have zero obligation to share every piece of yourself with your coworkers; if fact, I always recommend keeping it tight when it comes to personal info in the workplace. Let people think it’s “mean”. It’s mot mean. I’d probably admit I didn’t like speaking in Spanish just to get the focus off of my “meanness”, but you do you.

StoicWeasle − Her issue is not your problem.

Pickle-Standard − I dated a Hispanic girl for a few years in high school and her family effectively forced me to learn Spanish. I took it in college and worked in several predominantly Hispanic kitchens for nearly a decade. I think my Spanish sucks but I understand enough to hold competent conversations, especially when they are about my work.

Sometimes I don’t know how to convey things and I end up sounding like a toddler, so I don’t consider myself fully fluent. I spent some time as a corporate traveling trainer for a restaurant chain. We did store openings and POS rollouts. I had a partner who was an extremely obnoxious “bro” that wanted to take lead on everything.

So we’d go into a fully Hispanic kitchen to teach menu prep and he’d struggle. I’d watch. Then when he walked away to work in another area, I’d review the training in Spanish. It took about four store openings before he caught me speaking Spanish in the kitchens. He was pissed. He said I should have told him.

I told him I didn’t feel I was fluent enough to announce I spoke the language, and it didn’t seem important to our relationship since he couldn’t understand me if I spoke it to him anyway. He made me take lead on a few stores. That went great.

So great that the directors and surrounding individuals that oversaw our training department felt he was no longer needed and let him go so I could run it. Point is: You are never obligated to tell anyone at work anything about yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable or fluent in a language, you should never feel forced to speak it.

These sharp opinions back his right to privacy but question Maria’s expectations. Is this just a misunderstanding, or a clash of values?

His decision to hide his Spanish skills stirred a workplace rift, showing how personal choices can ripple. Maria’s hurt is real, but so is his right to set boundaries. Have you ever kept a skill quiet at work to avoid unwanted attention? How did it play out? Drop your stories below and let’s dive into the messy dance of workplace dynamics and personal space.

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