Am I wrong for thinking my bf crossed a line here?

A casual work chat over coffee turns into a digital minefield when a colleague’s texts take a flirty turn. For a 24-year-old freelancer, sharing this with her boyfriend seemed like a light moment of “you were right.” But his reaction—secretly screenshotting her phone and filing a formal complaint—blew the situation into a workplace storm, leaving her reeling.

This tale of crossed lines and clashing intentions dives into the murky waters of trust, autonomy, and professional boundaries. As her shock at his overreach battles her guilt over a minor flirtation, readers are left wondering: when does protection become cont

‘Am I wrong for thinking my bf crossed a line here?’

My bf(26) and I (F24) were working on a freelance project, where I ended up becoming friends with one of the client’s colleagues. After the project ended, he asked for my number just to stay in touch if he ever came back to the city. Though my bf thought it was weird that I gave him my number, I didn’t get any romantic/creepy vibes from him, it was very friendly/professional + he is married

A few weeks later he texted me something work related, we spoke on and off for about 2 days before his texts started getting flirty 🙃. I immediately stopped responding & he stopped texting too after he got the hint. I casually mentioned it to my bf like ‘hey look you were right’.

My bf(26) and I (F24) were working on a freelance project, where I ended up becoming friends with one of the client’s colleagues. After the project ended, he asked for my number just to stay in touch if he ever came back to the city. Though my bf thought it was weird that I gave him my number, I didn’t get any romantic/creepy vibes from him, it was very friendly/professional + he is married

He got v furious that I gave him my number in the first place and asked me to block him. 2 Days later, the client calls me asking to get on a call with their global team and HR because a formal complaint had been lodged against this guy. Turns out my boyfriend took screenshots of my phone (without my knowledge) and lodged a complaint to the client! I could not believe how much this had blown out of proportion.

A few weeks later he texted me something work related, we spoke on and off for about 2 days before his texts started getting flirty 🙃. I immediately stopped responding & he stopped texting too after he got the hint. I casually mentioned it to my bf like ‘hey look you were right’.

When I confronted him about this, he said that he knew I wouldn’t take any action, and thought taking matters into his hands is the only way. He also said I was too naive to give my number in the first place. Idk what to be more upset with- thinking this guy could lose his job for sending me 2 flirty messages AFTER our professional relationship was over or knowing that my bf could do such a thing without asking me if I was comfortable.

He got v furious that I gave him my number in the first place and asked me to block him. 2 Days later, the client calls me asking to get on a call with their global team and HR because a formal complaint had been lodged against this guy. Turns out my boyfriend took screenshots of my phone (without my knowledge) and lodged a complaint to the client! I could not believe how much this had blown out of proportion.

When I confronted him about this, he said that he knew I wouldn’t take any action, and thought taking matters into his hands is the only way. He also said I was too naive to give my number in the first place. Idk what to be more upset with- thinking this guy could lose his job for sending me 2 flirty messages AFTER our professional relationship was over or knowing that my bf could do such a thing without asking me if I was comfortable.

I would’ve escalated it myself had he continued messaging me or had he been pushy. He stopped texting when I stopped responding, and I don’t think it was a big deal here (except for maybe his wife). But this move by my bf has made me very uncomfortable and feels patronising, even though he claims it came from a place of worry.. 

I would’ve escalated it myself had he continued messaging me or had he been pushy. He stopped texting when I stopped responding, and I don’t think it was a big deal here (except for maybe his wife). But this move by my bf has made me very uncomfortable and feels patronising, even though he claims it came from a place of worry.. 

Relationships thrive on trust, but this boyfriend’s unilateral action turned a minor issue into a major breach. The woman’s decision to share her colleague’s flirty texts was a bid for transparency, but his choice to screenshot her phone and lodge a complaint without her consent violated her autonomy.

A 2022 study in found that 65% of couples report trust erosion after one partner acts without mutual agreement. Her discomfort reflects a broader issue of control in relationships, often studied in . The colleague’s flirtation, while inappropriate, stopped when ignored, suggesting no immediate threat.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a relationship expert, warns, “Acting for someone’s ‘good’ without their input is a power move, not protection” (harrietlerner). The boyfriend’s claim of worry doesn’t justify bypassing her agency, especially since she felt capable of handling it. His actions risked the colleague’s job and her professional reputation.

For couples facing similar tensions, experts advocate open dialogue about boundaries and joint decision-making. She could address his overreach calmly, emphasizing trust. If workplace issues persist, reporting should be her call. Her unease is valid—love respects choice, not control.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s squad stormed this drama like it’s a heated group chat, tossing out cheers for her feelings and shade at the boyfriend’s audacity. Picture a lively bar debate, with folks rallying for her right to call the shots and slamming his sneaky move. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, buzzing with heart and a dash of spice:

Head_Photograph9572 − NW. At a bare MINIMUM, your BF should have consulted with you before lodging the complaint. But he didn't do that on purpose. Red communication flag!

[Reddit User] − Your boyfriend definitely overreacted and overreached by reporting. I would be pretty upset with him that he didn’t let you handle it. After hearing the story though I don’t feel bad for the scumbag that’s getting in trouble with his work and most likely his wife. He sounds like he deserves it.

NumbersMonkey1 − This guy is super sketchy. He wasn't interested in making a social or professional contact. He wanted to see if she'd be interested in hooking up. And that's so far away from kosher it's not even funny. He's client side and determines whether they get paid or not for their work.

He determines if and when they get rehired. This is a HR investigation because it's behavior, but it's really a professional ethics and compliance issue. OP, they want to see whether he extorted s**, or even the possibility of s**, from you as part of your business relationship.

They want to see whether his judgement was compromised on accepting substandard work because he was sleeping with, or trying to sleep with, a vendor. That's what they're looking for. It's not a basic HR conduct rule. It's not a don't date your coworkers rule. Those are good, too, but this isn't what this is.

Your boyfriend is out of line, but much less out of line than most commenters think. He might have done it because he was jealous and immature, but it's also something that absolutely cannot be tolerated. What do you think would happen to your reputations if it was?

Flat-Entry90 − When it comes work things, why does no one seem to understand CYA Cover Your Ass? Don't give any personal (private) contact info to someone you don't have a personal relationship with. He didn't ask for your BFs contact info for if he comes back to the city, did he? (this is the telling point)

I get it. I'm a 40 year old, slightly overweight sysadmin in tier 1 auto supplier manufacturing and all the vendors that want to sell me something are almost always in the form of a middle aged solutions engineer man and an attractive woman that handles the sales side of things.

They get my business card with my email and work cell on it, I get both of theirs and then its done. I know that the only people that want me is my family (I hope so lol), but I don't even want to be in a position where I need to cover my ass or work extra hard to maintain a business relationship.

They are not reaching out after the contract is signed and I'm not reaching out to them because that is how conducting business should be. I take it even farther in that the people I work with only have my work cell. There should be absolutely no need to
These Redditors don’t hold back, roasting the boyfriend for trampling her trust while debating the colleague’s shady texts. Some see his complaint as a jealous power grab; others argue the colleague deserved heat, but not like this. The takes are as varied as a playlist, cutting through the mess of loyalty and ethics with fierce clarity. This saga’s got the crowd fired up, proving trust is non-negotiable.

This freelancer’s story shows how a small spark can ignite a trust crisis. Her boyfriend’s secret complaint wasn’t just about a flirty colleague—it was a blow to her autonomy. Would you have confronted him or let it go? Drop your take below and let’s untangle this web of trust, texts, and tough calls!

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