WIBTAH for divorcing my wife because she cheated at her bachelorette party?
When trust is shattered, even the happiest of relationships can take a dramatic turn. In this post, a 35‑year‑old man shares how his eight‑year marriage—once marked by stability, love, and shared dreams—was irreversibly changed after discovering his wife cheated on him at her bachelorette party. Despite a seemingly happy life together and the couple’s plans to start a family, the incident left him with a broken trust he feels he can never rebuild.
Now, after seven months of marriage counseling, he’s considering divorce and wonders: Would he be the asshole for ending a long‑term marriage over a one‑time act of infidelity, even though his wife has apologized and promised to make it up to him?
The story touches on deep emotions and the complexities of forgiveness. While he acknowledges that the relationship was once strong, his inability to see past the betrayal has led him to question the future of their life together. This article breaks down the situation, offers expert insights, shares community reactions, and invites you to discuss how you might handle such a crossroads in a marriage.
‘WIBTAH for divorcing my wife because she cheated at her bachelorette party?’
When trust is broken in a relationship, the path to recovery is complex and deeply personal. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman explains, “Infidelity can be one of the most devastating breaches of trust in a marriage. While some couples can rebuild their relationship, it requires genuine remorse, transparent communication, and a significant commitment to change from both partners.”
In this case, even though the wife has expressed remorse and engaged in counseling, the husband’s ability to rebuild trust remains deeply compromised. Counseling can sometimes help couples navigate these turbulent waters, but it isn’t a one-size-fits-all remedy. Dr. Susan Johnson, a specialist in marital therapy, notes that “if one partner’s emotional response remains unchanged, despite extensive efforts at therapy, it may be a sign that the relationship has fundamentally altered.”
The expert perspective here suggests that when a breach of trust leaves one partner emotionally unable to reconnect, moving on—even through divorce—can be a valid, self-preserving choice. Furthermore, the emotional aftermath of infidelity can linger, affecting future intimacy, communication, and overall relationship satisfaction.
It is crucial for each partner to assess their emotional well-being and consider whether the relationship, even with its good qualities, can realistically meet their needs going forward. When the pain of betrayal overshadows the stability of the shared life, pursuing separation might indeed be a necessary step toward personal healing.
See what others had to share with OP:
One redditor commented, “Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If you feel like you can’t rebuild that trust, then you have every right to consider divorce. It’s not about the money, the house, or the plans—it’s about whether you feel secure and loved.”
In summary, the OP is grappling with a deeply personal dilemma. After eight years of marriage, the discovery of infidelity at a significant event has irreparably damaged his trust, leading him to consider divorce. While his wife has apologized and seems committed to making amends, he simply cannot see a future where the betrayal doesn’t linger. The community is divided: some believe that forgiveness is possible, while others think that if trust is lost, divorce is a legitimate option.
What do you think? Is it justified to end a marriage solely on the basis of a one‑time act of infidelity if the trust cannot be rebuilt, or should you try harder to forgive and move on? How would you approach rebuilding trust in a relationship that’s been deeply wounded? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?
