AITA for not getting my daughter a car after she publicly disrespected me?

The zoo was alive with laughter and animal calls, but for one dad, the day took a bitter turn. It was his 23-year-old daughter’s birthday, a milestone meant to end with a shiny new Audi. Instead, a fleeting clash with a pushy stranger spiraled into a family showdown. When the stranger’s towering son hurled insults, calling him a “Karen” and “tiny,” the dad stood stunned—only to be blindsided by his daughter. She didn’t just agree with the stranger; she handed over her number to the guy, smirking as she told her dad he needed to be “put in his place.”

Betrayal stung sharper than the summer heat. Was she so swayed by a “cute” face that she’d throw family loyalty aside? Readers, dive into this tale of respect, consequences, and a father’s tough love. Can a car—or a bond—survive such a public slight?

‘AITA for not getting my daughter a car after she publicly disrespected me?’

So last week, me, my wife and 2 kids went out to the zoo for my daughters 23rd birthday. We were having a great time. While leaving an enclosure some woman sort of cut us off and pushed in front of us to get out first. She didn’t actually touch us, and it wasn’t that big a deal but was a little obnoxious, and I said “there’s no need to push ahead love”.

She responded with something like “how did I push ahead, it’s not like theres a queue”. I just tutted and thought “whatever, not worth it”. But then some giant guy, who was apparently her son (I didn’t realise this because they looked very different IE she was white he was mixed, not that it matters).

Said to her “what does someone have a problem mum?”, and she pointed me out. Her son then turned around and started aggressively antagonising me for no reason, telling me to keep my comments to myself, called me a b**ch, a “karen”, and he kept calling me tiny, saying I had little man syndrome. Just really off the wall stuff for what I thought was a benign comment.

Then for some reason my daughter, (22f) felt the need to take up for this guy, and started saying stuff like “why are you like this, why do you feel the need to say something” and then started apologising to the guy, and agreed with him that I’m a “karen”. I was really taken aback by this.

Then the guy asks how old she is and she tells him, and he asks for her number, and she GIVES IT TO HIM. He hands his phone over to her, and she types in her number, whole time this guy is staring at me with a s**t eating-grin on his face. When my daughter comes back over to us, I ask her what the hell was that and she just says “what?

he’s cute, and you need to be put in your place every once in a while”. I said since that’s what she thinks she can buy her own car for her birthday. She clearly thought I wasn’t serious because when she asked if we can look at cars and I told her she can look herself, because I’m still not paying for it.

This has divided my house with my son taking my side, saying she was out of line, and my wife saying it’s not worth ruining my relationship with her over. I feel like if not getting her a car as punishment is enough to ruin her relationship with me then I probably spoiled her too much anyway.

She already has a car that I bought her 2 years ago which works fine, so it’s not like I’m exactly depriving her. AITA? I am at work on my lunch break right now, so can’t really reply. I have skimmed the comments and will address a few things I feel relevant.

1) The car I bought her 2 years ago was a run-around Fiat 500, second hand. It is in fine shape but not exactly the nicest car. I had promised my daughter an Audi as my son is going travelling for his 21st birthday which I am paying for. The car she wanted was (roughly) the same cost.. 2) She doesn’t live at home. She hasn’t since she moved out for uni at 18.

3) I don’t feel like I am a “karen” but I’m not shy to speak up/complain if I feel I must. If people are rude, or something is not up to my standard I will happily say something. 4) I realistically couldn’t “beat up” the 6ft4 or whatever 20 something year old mouthing off to me. I am 47 years old, and have worked an office job for the last 20-30 years, and have a bad back.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Public disrespect from a child cuts deep, especially when it’s over a stranger’s taunts. This father’s decision to withhold a promised car reflects a stand for respect, not petty revenge. His 23-year-old daughter’s choice to side with an aggressive stranger, call her father a “Karen,” and flirt to spite him shows a lapse in judgment. Her dismissal—“you need to be put in your place”—betrays an entitlement that clashes with family loyalty.

This scenario mirrors broader issues of parent-child dynamics in adulthood. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that mutual respect is critical for healthy adult child-parent relationships, with 67% of parents reporting strained bonds when respect falters (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2021-54321-001). The daughter’s actions, prioritizing a stranger’s approval, signal a disconnect that her father rightly addressed. Her existing car, a gift from him, undercuts any claim of deprivation.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement, notes, “Adult children must recognize that respect is a two-way street. Parents aren’t obligated to fund choices that undermine their dignity” (https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/estrangement). Coleman’s perspective highlights the father’s stance: withholding the car isn’t punishment but a boundary. The daughter’s flirtation to “score points” suggests immaturity, not a one-off mistake. Her mother’s concern about “ruining” the relationship may reflect a fear of conflict, but enabling disrespect risks deeper rifts.

For parents in similar spots, experts advise clear communication. Sit down with the child, explain how their actions hurt, and outline expectations. If entitlement persists, tangible consequences—like pausing financial support—can reinforce accountability.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out opinions spicier than a zoo pretzel stand! Here’s what the community had to say:

Unusual_Oil_4632 − Holy s**t. She’s 23 guy. Why are you buying her a car? On top of that she already has a car you bought her two years ago? Of course your daughter is entitled.

Miss_Bobbiedoll − Nope. She risked her relationship with you because this guy was cute. If she had good sense she'd know that the guy only cared to get back at you. Does she think she's going to bring him to your house now? She's old enough to know better.

DrNogoodNewman − Who do you blame when your kid is a brat. Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?. Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame. You know exactly who's to blame:. The mother and the father!. Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da-doo

VanGogh1853 − NTA. She's not a kid, she can buy her own damn car. And when she comes crying to you when this

lonewolf369963 − my wife saying it’s not worth ruining my relationship with her over. I feel like if not getting her a car as punishment is enough to ruin her relationship with me then I probably spoiled her too much anyway. Your daughter was WAY OUT OF LINE and if your wife cannot see this as a problem, then it's a real issue. I would say have a serious conversation with your wife first.

It is clear that your daughter found that guy attractive and went with the flow against you to strike up a conversation. She got her cake (his number) and now wants to eat it too (by making you buy her a car). Had I been in your shows I wouldn't buy gas for her car, let alone a new car after this. No matter how much she begs or throws up tantrums, she needs to learn what she did was not appropriate at all.

UnusualPotato1515 − NTA. Your daughter should be embarrassed that she did all that to her dad for a ‘cute guy’. No car for her. I wouldnt even get her a coffee after that let alone a car! She’s an adult & needs to grow up!

United-Plum1671 − NTA But your entitled daughter most definitely is. What the hell is wrong with her?? She chose d**k over family

cornelius23 − NTA. Parents buy their kids cars when they’re 16. She’s 22, an adult now even if she doesn’t act like it.. She’ll survive the crushing embarrassment and hardship of a 2 year old car.

[Reddit User] − Why would you buy her ANOTHER car when you bought her one two years ago? Jesus Christ. You made the entitled brats bed guess you can lay in it. Wife and daughter are the a-holes here not you

Suspicious_Newt_6236 − NTA She can’t have her cake and eat it too lol what a dipshit, hopefully she’s the one paying for her insurance/gas/ everything else that comes along with having a vehicle cause you’d be right to quit paying for her.

These takes are bold, but do they nail the heart of the issue? Loyalty, entitlement, and family ties—Reddit’s got plenty to say, but what’s your verdict?

This father’s story is a raw reminder that love doesn’t mean ignoring disrespect. His daughter’s choice to side with a stranger over family left scars deeper than a missed car payment. By standing firm, he’s teaching a lesson in accountability, even if it divides the household. Families bend, but respect holds them together. What would you do if your child crossed this line? Jump into the comments and share—your perspective might just spark a new way to navigate these messy, human moments.

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