AITAH for giving my husband A pregnancy test as A bday gift?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy dining room, aglow with candlelight, a young wife beamed with a secret she couldn’t wait to share. After years of dreaming about a baby, her pregnancy test glowed positive, and with her husband’s birthday just days away, she hatched a plan to make the reveal unforgettable. Wrapping the test in a tiny box, she imagined his face lighting up with joy—a moment to cherish forever.

But when the wrapping fell away, so did her hopes. His smile vanished, replaced by anger, leaving her heart in knots. Confusion, hurt, and doubt now cloud their once-happy marriage, as shared on Reddit. How could a gift meant to spark celebration ignite such a firestorm? Readers feel her shock, wondering if this couple’s dream of parenthood is unraveling. What went wrong in this intimate moment?

‘AITAH for giving my husband A pregnancy test as A bday gift?’

hi, i am f23, my husbands m25 birthday was one week ago. We've wanted a baby for a really long time, and when I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited! Knowing my husbands birthday was in 3 days, I decided to keep it a secret, and give the test to him as part of his bday gift, because he wouldn't be expecting it, in my head it would make it more shocking=exciting?

At least that's how I thought it would be. Perhaps that was a dumb thought. Now, this was not going to be a big party with tons of people. My husband didn't want that, so it was just gonna be the two of us, he was gonna open his gifts, we were gonna eat a nice dinner, and it was going to be chill and intimate.

With this in mind, I didn't think giving him the pregnancy test as a gift would be a problem at all. If it were a big party I wouldn't have done it, because it would've taken the entire focus off of him, but this was a small party, just me and him!! When it came for me to give him his gifts, the pregnancy test was in a small box and i told him to open it last.

He was super happy with all of his gifts, and when he opened the box with the pregnancy test in it, his demeanor changed. He seemed upset. I asked what was wrong and he said it was

I thought it would be a wonderful gift. Like I said, we've wanted a baby for so long, and I thought he'd be happy. He said that he was happy but the timing for me to tell him was horrible and that it was his birthday, not a celebration of pregnancy. I was confused, hurt, upset. So many emotions at once. I called him immature, and that led to a fight.

He slept on the couch that night. This past week, he hasn't talked to me too much. Whenever I try to bring it up he says

I feel horrible. I didn't think this would be a bad gift. I thought he'd love it. AITAH for doing this? I really thought it was ok, but I'm starting to think he's right, I shouldn't have done this. update?: I don't really know if this is considered an update, but after reading replies, I'd to clear up a few things.

1. No, my husband has not ever acted this way towards me before. We've argued before, but it has never led to the point where he ignores me. 2. to all the comments asking what I mean by

3. Yes, we've been trying to have a baby. I didn't stop taking birth control secretly, nor did we stop using protection

5. I thought I clearly stated we were alone for the

A pregnancy announcement should be a milestone, but for this couple, it became a minefield. The wife’s surprise, meant to amplify joy, instead exposed a rift in their shared vision. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, notes, “Misaligned expectations can turn joyful moments into conflict” (source: The Love Doctor). The husband’s anger suggests deeper issues—perhaps unreadiness for fatherhood or feeling overshadowed on his birthday.

The wife’s hurt is valid; her gesture was rooted in love, not malice. Yet, his reaction—calling it “stupid” and shutting down—hints at unvoiced fears. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found 30% of men feel unprepared for parenthood despite planning it (source: APA). His silence may mask anxiety or resentment, not just about the timing but the life change itself.

Dr. Orbuch advises “open, non-judgmental dialogue” to bridge this gap. The wife should initiate a calm talk, focusing on his feelings about fatherhood, not the gift. Couples counseling could help unpack his reaction and rebuild trust. For now, she should prioritize self-care and lean on supportive friends.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a summer barbecue, and they’re dishing it out with no filter. Here’s what the community thinks:

hawksmarinerz − I think he didn’t actually want kids

Melodic_Shock_2713 − This is someone you want kids with?

Famous_Smile_8192 − My husband reacted like this after actively trying for a baby. Found out later he had a girlfriend on the side and felt equal parts guilty/trapped. I'm not suggesting it's the case here, but the response to baby news in a healthy relationship would be joy not this. Gird your loins darlin and good luck.

efiwib − Congratulations on the baby.. Condolences on the husband.

Distinct-Car-9124 − I think you already have a baby.

Alarming-Pressure-48 − Whenever I try to bring it up he says

one-small-plant − I'm on board with all the people here saying that it seems he wasn't actually as excited about becoming a parent as you are. I'm sure he enjoyed the idea of it in the future, and I'm sure he enjoyed all of the trying to conceive, but if this had been something he really genuinely wanted, his initial response wouldn't have been anger.

Stunned surprise, maybe, but not anger. What you need to do now is talk to him. Make it clear that you don't want to talk about whether or not his birthday was an appropriate time to tell him. Tell him that you need to have another talk about the fact that he clearly does not seem excited about becoming a parent. You should not have to go into this with an unenthusiastic, angry co-parent.

Let him know he can change his attitude, or you can look into adoption or a**rtion services. Agree on what, specifically, his change in attitude will look like, and agree on when, specifically, you are going to be able to see some progress by. Don't let him get out of this by promising future change that he has not yet indicated he is capable of

icecreamdonna − NTA! I’ve known women a lot of women who waited for birthday, Xmas, anniversary etc… to do this for a surprise! I hate to say this but I think there’s an issue with him about not wanting a child now, or other insecurity or selfishness

Careless_Welder_4048 − I think you have been wanting a baby for a long time. I don’t think he does.

OsaBear92 − NTA but let me tell you. Ive been married a decade. I married a person who swore he wanted kids. I thought i wanted. A huge family. After the reality of parenting hit i was good with one kid and done. He was too i was quite surprised. He was the guy where i would say i wanted 5 kids n he would say

A decade later our marriage has been dead for yrs. We co parent great but we basically live like room mates. Wich sucks. Last yr I was in my feels and asked him if he ever was upset at not having more kids? (Me thinking maybe i did something, i know i was having a moment of weakness). This man chuckled n said

I just agreed.

But the immediate switch of last week ya'll were trying for a baby and now ya'll got one hes mad? Sounds like he didnt actually want kids. Just knew it'd probably be a deal breaker for you. It doesn't get any better even after the storms when the seas are calm. I dont wish this kind of pain on anyone.. Please, PLEASE protect yourself first. I awnd positive vibes and support Op. Best of luck.

Talk about a mixed bag! Some Redditors smell trouble, others urge patience—but are they onto something, or missing the mark? One thing’s clear: this couple’s got work to do.

This tale of a botched baby reveal leaves us pondering love, timing, and unspoken fears. Was the wife’s gift a misstep, or is her husband’s reaction a red flag? Their dream of parenthood hangs in the balance, and the path forward is murky. If you were in her shoes, how would you break the silence? Share your advice, stories, or hot takes below—what’s the next step for this couple?

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