AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his best man coming to our wedding after what he did at my birthday dinner?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a candlelit birthday dinner, laughter filling the air, until one loudmouth crashes the vibe. That’s the scene for a 29-year-old bride-to-be, whose special night turned sour when her fiancé’s best friend, Kyle, blurted a cruel jab about her painful past. The restaurant went quiet, her heart sank, and though she brushed it off, the sting lingered. Now, she’s put her foot down: Kyle’s not welcome at their wedding. But her fiancé’s defense of his pal has sparks flying.

This isn’t just about a bad joke—it’s about respect, loyalty, and who gets a front-row seat to your big day. As wedding plans teeter and Reddit lights up with opinions, this tale begs the question: how do you balance love and standing your ground? Let’s dive into the drama and unpack this pre-wedding showdown.

‘AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his best man coming to our wedding after what he did at my birthday dinner?’

So I'm (29F) and my fiance (31M) and we have been together for 4 years. We are planning our wedding for later this year which has been going great except for one person. His best friend kyle. kyle is one of those dudes who peaked in high school and is so insufferable. He is always making unnecessary jokes that seem like insults tbh.

But my fiance says he’s just goofy and immature and so I’ve tried to keep my peace. Anyway my birthday was two weeks ago. Nothing big happened just a dinner at a nice restaurant with close friends and family. Near the end of it someone mentioned the wedding and how everything was going and my fiance answered and said we were writing our own vows. I said I was nervous but excited.

Then kyle said loudly. I think everyone present in the restaurant heard it that's how loud he was “Just don’t cry halfway through your vows like you did during your breakup remember that?

My dad was present there and my fiance was aware of that breakup it was abusive and traumatic. I later told him how hurt I was and he said kyle was just being kyle and you know how he is babe. So I sat on it for a few days even though i was hurt. But then finally I told him I don’t want kyle at the wedding. Not at the rehearsal. Not giving a speech Nothing.

Nowhere I just don't want him there. Now my fiance is saying I’m overreacting. That kyle was just trying to be funny and kicking him off the list would destroy our 15years of friendship. But honestly If kyle can not respect me then why should I allow him to stand next to the man I’m marrying.. So AITA for refusing to have kyle at the wedding after all this?

Weddings are a celebration of love, but this bride’s clash over an uninvited guest shows how fast joy can turn to tension. Kyle’s tactless comment at her birthday dinner—mocking a traumatic breakup—wasn’t just a misstep; it was a public jab that crossed a line. Her demand to exclude him from the wedding is a stand for self-respect, but her fiancé’s defense of Kyle, dismissing her hurt as an overreaction, reveals a loyalty divide.

Disrespectful behavior from a partner’s friend can strain relationships. A 2022 study found that 65% of couples argue over friendships that feel disrespectful to one partner. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, advises, “Loyalty to your partner means addressing behaviors that hurt them, even from close friends.” The fiancé’s inaction risks prioritizing his friend over his bride’s dignity.

Advice: The couple should have an honest talk about boundaries, with the fiancé addressing Kyle’s behavior directly—perhaps demanding an apology. If Kyle can’t respect her, excluding him is fair. Compromise, like limiting his role, could ease tension, but her comfort on her wedding day comes first.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s armchair critics served up a buffet of shade and wisdom, tearing into Kyle’s high school antics and questioning the fiancé’s spine. From wedding warnings to fiery clapbacks, their takes are pure drama fuel. Here’s the scoop:

Perfect-Quarter8237 − Best believe Kyle WILL ruin your wedding. He's a good old fashioned attention ho who gets off of being obnoxious

angeleeternelle − NTA. I hate when people like this get away with their terrible behaviour because their closest people say

notsoreligiousnow − You do realize Kyle isn’t the only problematic person here right? Your fiance enables his s**t and never calls him out on it so of course Kyle keeps going and going. Immature or not, he’s an AH. You sure you really want to marry a man that won’t prioritize you over his already peaked immature bestie?

Key_Two77 − I feel information is missing. Why does Kyle have such knowledge of a breakup with a previous partner? Was your now fiancé present at the breakup? Was Kyle? Does Kyle know because your fiancé told him? The answer to this might shine a different light on your fiancé.

Regardless, it's your fiancé's place to have a grown up talk with Kyle. You can't dictate who his best man is. He, the fiancé needs to make it clear that he needs to treat you, his future spouse, with respect. If he is talking to Kyle about your reaction to things in the past, that sounds like a fiancé problem.

knits2much2003 − NTA but what are you going to do if your fiance draws a line in the sand? You have to be willing to cancel the whole wedding otherwise your fiance will have no respect for your boundaries going forward.

Adorable-Flight-496 − Sounds like fiancé should talk to Kyle about an apology. . Kyle might not realize he is the AH as no one has really called him out yet. Kyle may need many more steps to realize what he is doing but someone has to take the first step

Such_Guide2828 − It sounds like you’re under-reacting and reacting towards the wrong person. Your fiancé is okay with this behavior. He’s okay with someone belittling you this way in public. What he is not okay with is you saying that you don’t want to be treated this way for one day. Seriously, think about that.

And: while you’re at it, think about what Kyle said that triggered this reaction. He pointed back towards you crying during your break-up. You don’t say who this break-up was with other than it was abusive and traumatic. If it was with your fiancé, you should seriously rethink marrying him.

If it was with someone else, how does Kyle even know about it? Who relayed this details, the emphasis on the crying—it’s all important because it sounds like someone is giving him material to use to make fun of you. If your fiancé is telling Kyle things knowing that Kyle will “joke” about it later and upset you, then your fiancé is more toxic than Kyle. He’s just letting Kyle do his dirty work.

Spiritual-Ad6254 − Excusing boys will be boys behavior is a root of many problems. People say the same thing about certain political figures. Thats just how he is. B**lshit. I'm sorry this is happening but you're heading off a bunch of problems by putting your foot down.

Consistent_Ad5709 − Nta, however I don't believe you're going to win this one. Maybe y'all can exclude the speeches because I agree with you, he probably is going to say some stuff to embarrass you but think he's funny.

Honestly, your husband to be should have checked him that day also. Your husband to be didn't necessarily have to do it in front of everybody but I hope privately he got on his ass about it. If he can't even correct his friends about small stuff like that then you have a bigger problem.

Cookiecloudz − NTA – If Kyle’s humor peaked in high school, maybe he should stay there and not crash a grown-up wedding. Vows aren’t roast battles, and being “just Kyle” isn’t a hall pass for disrespect.

These Reddit gems raise a question: are they spotting a red flag or just loving the chaos? One thing’s clear—wedding guest drama keeps the internet buzzing.

This birthday-turned-wedding saga proves that love’s big moments test more than just vows—they test boundaries. Whether you’re Team Ban-Kyle or Team Give-Him-a-Chance, this bride’s stand reminds us that respect is non-negotiable. As she fights for her dream day, her story nudges us to ponder our own dealbreakers. What would you do if a friend disrespected you before your wedding? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this love debate sparkling!

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