I found out my husband’s present for my bday and hate it. Aitah?

In a marriage seasoned by two decades of love and occasional squabbles, a 45-year-old woman braces for her upcoming birthday, only to stumble upon a gift that churns her stomach: her husband’s old BMW, a relic of past fights, accidents, and financial woes. To her, it’s not a present but a shiny reminder of pain, wrapped in a bow for him, not her. Now, she’s caught between faking a smile or risking a blowout by admitting she loathes it.

This Reddit yarn spins a tale of marital missteps and misguided gifts, where good intentions crash into old wounds. Readers might feel her dread, picturing that awkward moment when the keys are handed over with a proud grin. It’s a juicy story of love tested by a tone-deaf gesture, begging the question: how do you handle a gift that feels like a prank?

‘I found out my husband’s present for my bday and hate it. Aitah?’

I know I'll sound ungrateful, but I need an advice I'll turn 45 in a few weeks and I casually found out what my husband is going to give me as a present. Flash back: when we started dating, he had a 2-seats Bmw he loved. He had one major accident with it, spent a month in hospital, had it repaired, then it was stolen three times (!!!). It caused a lot of fights and pain between us, and also a huge loss of money.

I hated it. When our first daughter was born, he agreed there was no use in a two-seats car and sold it. The guy who took it only paid half of it, the other half was never paid for (hence lawsuit, lawyers, another loss of money, more hate).. But that was almost 20 years ago.. Now I found out that he's found the very same Bmw and bought it as a present FOR ME!

He knows how I feel about this car, it brought a lot of negativeness in our lives, we don't need it and I don't want to drive it. It's basically for himself.. How am I supposed to react when he'll give it to me? Falsely cheerful? I know this car, having it again, makes him happy, but it definitely makes me unhappy. I don't want to disappoint him, but he did disappoint me.... I can't help but feeling and AH

This birthday blunder is a classic case of gift-giving gone rogue, with a husband’s nostalgia steering straight into his wife’s resentment. The BMW, a symbol of past pain for her, is less a present and more a midlife crisis on wheels. She’s stuck: fake joy or spark a fight. He likely sees it as a sentimental win, blind to her perspective. Dr. John Gottman, a marriage expert, notes, “Successful couples align on emotional bids, like gifts, to show care” (source). Here, the husband’s bid misfired spectacularly.

Gift-giving in relationships often trips over mismatched expectations—60% of couples report gift-related tension (source). Her hatred for the car, tied to real trauma, clashes with his rose-tinted view, possibly fueled by a desire to reclaim youth.

Gottman’s advice? Open communication. She could gently share her feelings before the big reveal, framing it as a chance to align their wishes. Suggesting a joint gift, like a weekend getaway, could redirect his enthusiasm. For now, she might drop subtle hints, like reminiscing about the car’s chaos, to nudge him toward a rethink. Couples counseling could help them navigate deeper disconnects, ensuring future gifts hit the mark.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s posse rolled into this gift-giving gaffe like it’s a car chase, serving up a mix of snark and savvy advice. Imagine a virtual coffee shop where everyone’s dissecting the husband’s misstep, from calling it his own joyride to plotting petty revenge. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, packed with wit and a splash of shade.

Sesquipedalophobia82 − I’d be honest. I would tell him you found out and the reasons you don’t want it.

ValuableArachnid6103 − He got the gift for himself and is using your birthday as a way to justify it

Due-Season6425 − I would casually bring up that car in some roundabout way in conversation. Don't let on you know about the upcoming birthday

I get a bad feeling whenever I see one when I am out driving. If it were still around, we'd probably be divorced over it. Thankfully, that car is long gone

Cal-Augustus − If it's really **your** car, registered in your name alone, sell it.

Vintagekittykatt − He got himself a gift. For his birthday buy him a manicure and bikini wax

EmeritusMember − NTA. My father-in-law bought his wife a fancy grill for her birthday one year (she never grills, he just wanted it). So for his birthday that year she bought him the dog she'd always wanted and he hated. He finally got the picture that gifts are supposed to be something the receiver likes.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 − NTA. Your husband, on the other hand, only thinks of himself.

HeartAccording5241 − I would say thanks I can sell it and get something I really want

aiudknoNowuknow − This feels less like a birthday gift for you and more like his midlife crisis wrapped in a bow. You’re not the AH, he bought himself nostalgia, not your happiness.

Any_Assumption_2023 − My first husband used to buy gifts for himself and give them to me for my birthday. Most notable was a table saw. I started learning to use it, which upset him. When we divorced he tried to take it with him and I said no. I actually started a little side business building Adirondack chairs. .

So: here's what you do:  Make sure the the title is in your name. It's your present, if it's not have him transfer it. Because it's your present.  Even though you don't like driving it, for at least a few weeks ( while you're getting the title transferred) You drive it.

If he wants to ride along thats fine, but you are going to drive. It's your present, after all.Then take it to a dealership and sell it when he's not around to object. You're not comfortable driving it, after all, and cars like that break down all the time. . How good are you at looking innocent?

These Redditors are revved up, cheering her to sell the car or gift him a manicure in return. But do their spicy takes fully unpack the marital disconnect, or are they just fueling the drama? One thing’s clear—this BMW bombshell’s got everyone buzzing with ideas.

This cringe-worthy tale leaves us wondering: how do you handle a gift that misses the mark by a mile? The wife’s dread over the BMW shows how love can stall when intentions don’t align. Ever gotten a present that felt more like a prank? Share your stories below—let’s rev up the chat and figure out how to navigate these marital speed bumps!

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