AITA for agreeing to take custody of my siblings from their dad when he asked me if I’d raise them since I’m fine taking his wife’s role?

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In a cozy family home, where memories of a lost mother linger like faded photographs, a 20-year-old woman became the anchor for her younger siblings. At 16, she stepped into a maternal role, guiding her sisters through periods and her brother through life’s ups and downs, all while their father pushed his new wife as their “replacement mom.” When he challenged her to take custody, she didn’t blink, igniting a family firestorm that’s both heartbreaking and fierce.

This Reddit AITA post captures the raw emotion of a sister’s devotion clashing with a father’s control. Readers might feel the weight of her loyalty, torn between love for her siblings and a dad determined to rewrite their family story. It’s a tale of grief, boundaries, and standing tall for those who need you most, set against a backdrop of family tension.

‘AITA for agreeing to take custody of my siblings from their dad when he asked me if I’d raise them since I’m fine taking his wife’s role?’

My mom died 4 years ago. I (20f) was 16 at the time. My younger siblings were 7, 8 and 10 at the time. We have different dads and mine was never in my life so I went to live with our shared grandparents and they went to live with their dad and his wife.

My siblings and I still saw each other and called and texted daily. Their dad wasn't that cool with it and he did try to interfere but our grandparents said they would get the courts involved to allow access if they needed to. My siblings come to me for stuff. My sisters for the girl stuff and my brother just in general.

Honestly I did a lot of the emotional mom stuff, like talking about periods with my sisters and even s** and contraception and consent. They both came to me when their periods started and I gave them period products and helped them find the right ones. When they're sick I'm the first person they tell.

Like I'll wake up to a text or get one when I'm getting ready and they want to see me. They ask my advice on extra curricular's and school and even with homework. Their dad hates it because he and his wife wanted her to fill the mother figure role for them.

He told me before I needed to step back and let her do it and I told him they didn't need to go to her when they had me and grandma. He said his wife deserved a shot to help them through that and when I step in to help every time they don't even look to her.

We argued and I never saw that as my problem. She's just his wife after all and mom can't be replaced. But he thought she could be. He even said they'd never agree to being adopted by his wife if she couldn't take over more of a motherly role.

I even asked him why he'd think I'd want that and I said I knew he'd try to use that to cut the rest of us out of their lives. He didn't deny it. He actually said nobody is irreplaceable and if I loved my siblings I'd want them to have a new mom.

My siblings have complained endlessly to me and different family member's about their dad's wife and how she and their dad try to act like she's their new mom and how they don't like us or talk about mom or reminders that they already have a mom.

Apparently their dad and his wife have a special h**red for me and it's not hidden at that house. Their dad confronted me on all this stuff again and he said if I won't let his wife be their new mom was I going to take over raising them and I said yes, I'd take custody of them and my grandparents and I would be happy to have them with us.

I told him they are my family after all and I would do everything to give them a good life. He didn't expect my answer and he became more irritated and asked me if I was serious. I said yeah. I told him I had even looked into it in case any of them asked me to fight for them and I had made sure I'd be secure enough to make it work.

He went off on me and I just walked away from him because I didn't see why I needed to let him basically scream in my face. He said I had some nerve and I was supposed to realize the best place for them is with two parents which he and his wife can give them and then he threatened to stop all contact between us.

I told him the threat my grandparents made still stood and if he ever tried that his kids would never forgive him and then he'd lose them forever. It pissed him off even more. I'm ignoring all contact from him right now because he just wants to scream at me via text about how wrong it was to say I'd take custody.. AITA for saying that?

Family dynamics after loss can be a tightrope walk, and this sister’s story shows the strain. Her role as a maternal figure clashes with her father’s push for his wife to take over. Dr. Kenneth Doka, a grief expert, explains, “Children often resist new parental figures after a loss, clinging to existing bonds” (source). The siblings’ reliance on their sister reflects their need for continuity, while the father’s insistence risks alienating them.

The father’s ultimatum—challenging her to take custody—reveals his frustration but ignores the siblings’ emotional needs. His wife’s forced role as “mom” contrasts with the sister’s organic bond, built on trust and shared loss. Research shows 65% of blended families face conflict over step-parent roles (source), underscoring this common struggle.

This scenario highlights broader issues of grief and control. Dr. Doka suggests, “Respecting children’s existing bonds fosters healing.” The sister’s willingness to take custody honors her siblings’ wishes, not defiance. To navigate this, she could document interactions and consult a family lawyer to prepare for custody discussions, ensuring her siblings’ voices are heard while maintaining calm communication.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s crew jumped into this family saga with all the energy of a heated reunion, tossing out cheers, zingers, and heartfelt nods. It’s like a living room debate where everyone’s rooting for the sister or throwing shade at the dad’s power play. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, packed with support and a sprinkle of sass.

MeduszaMagic − NTA. My guy really thought he was hitting you with a “gotcha!” moment, and instead, you hit him with a full-on legal battle plan. 🤣 The fact that he got even more mad when you said you’d take custody just proves that this was never about what’s best for your siblings—it’s about his ego and forcing his wife into a role they don’t want her in.

Honestly, you’re stepping up in a way that a lot of people wouldn’t, and your siblings clearly see you as their safe space. He can stay mad, but the reality is, love isn’t something you can force, and respect is earned, not demanded. If he actually cared about their happiness, he’d listen instead of throwing tantrums.

Trailsya − NTA. You're a great person and sister.. Don't talk to him anymore unless it's over text, so you can have proof.

Advanced-Edge-9020 − NTA. It's really upsetting that he's so threatened by your bond with your siblings and that he almost wants to erase their mom’s existence. You're an amazing big sister and your siblings are lucky to have you.

Powerful_Put_6977 − Can I say you're an absolutely fantastic person to take this on (whether you wanted to or not at aged 16,, and more willingly as you've gotten older). Truly you are one of the good ones out there!. The father...well....probably the least said about him, the better.. Just keep being there for your siblings and you'll be fine. You'll stick together.. NTA

Mysterious_Spark − You are NTA. I see a lot of parents on Reddit doing this very thing - having kids in an emotional crisis, lacking a parent, and thinking of their own selfish interests instead, getting remarried, and thinking kids can just use any old woman as a new 'mother'.

You are the closest thing those kids have to a 'mother' right now, and they are depending on you to have their back.. Your Dad is a selfish a**hole.. Besides, he's the one who said it. You just took him up on his offer.

angel9_writes − NTA. And honestly, try to get custody.. They want to be with you. He won't have contact with them at all the 2nd they turn 18 since he and his wife are more about control and being charge than truly being parents to kids who lost their mother.. You're a great sister.

Medusa_7898 − A decent father would be glad his motherless children love and trust their big sister. He sounds like a narcissist.

Darkdaphne − NTA . He’s trying to replace their mom and control everything, and u’re offering a real solution.

United-Manner20 − NTA at 11 through 14 a judge will take what they want into consideration. They also cannot be forced into being adopted. He is doing all the damage on his own to that relationship. Just be there for them. You don’t need custody in order to do that.He has an obligation to pay for them and they have your information that they can get a hold of you at any time just be there for them when they need you.

grayblue_grrl − NTA.. You called his bluff.... And he didn't expect it.

These Redditors are fired up, applauding the sister’s fierce loyalty or slamming the father’s ego-driven push. Some see her custody pledge as a heroic stand; others call out the dad’s control tactics. Their takes are bold and brassy, but do they nail the full picture, or are they just stoking the family flames? One thing’s for sure—this sibling showdown has tongues wagging.

This family drama leaves us wondering: how far would you go to protect the ones you love? The sister’s bold stand shows the power of loyalty in the face of loss and control. Have you ever had to step up for family against the odds? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this emotional tug-of-war!

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