AITA for resenting my parents for having me as a bringing the family together baby and putting so much on me before I was even born?

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Family is meant to be a source of unconditional love and support, but what happens when you’re brought into the world solely to fix what’s broken? In this heart-wrenching narrative, a 17-year-old reveals his deep-seated resentment toward his parents, who had him as a “unifying baby” to mend the fractured bonds of two blended families. The promises of togetherness and healing turned into a lifelong burden, leaving him feeling unwanted and defined by a role imposed before he was even born.

The pressure started long before his first breath—when his parents, still reeling from loss and grief, decided that a new child could serve as the glue to bond their disparate families. Instead of being celebrated for his unique qualities, he was seen as a solution, a symbolic fix to family dysfunction. As time passed, his half siblings and even his parents demonstrated little genuine affection, instead reminding him of a duty he never asked for, fostering an unyielding sense of isolation and resentment.

‘AITA for resenting my parents for having me as a bringing the family together baby and putting so much on me before I was even born?’

My parents met after their first spouses died. My mom was 2 years out from her first husband dying and my dad was maybe 3 years out from his wife dying. It might've been closer to 4. I feel like I heard both. Anyway, they both had kids from their first marriage.

My mom had two kids who were 6 and 7 when she met my dad and my dad had a 9 year old when he met my mom. They dated for like two years before they got married. Their kids never liked it. They never got close. Extended family mentioned how fractured things were before they lived together even and how it got worse when they all moved into the same house.

So about a year into their marriage my parents decided they would have a kid to bring the family together and that's where I (17m) come into the equation. Before I was even born my parents had this idea that everyone would bond over me and I would be loved and it would be great. But it wasn't great.

Nobody bonded over me except for maybe the two of them and even then I think they were bonded just fine before. My half siblings never wanted a half sibling. They never wanted their parent to have a baby with someone who wasn't their dead parent. I was not a welcome member of the family and I have felt that dislike for as long as I can remember back.

My half siblings totally resented me existing and eventually my parents did too. It was subtle at times. But they used to tell me I had a job to do and that was to reach out to my (half) siblings. If I mentioned how unhappy it made me to be rejected they'd say I was supposed to keep trying anyway and that was the whole point.

After finding out they had me to bring everyone together I realized it was their way of saying that was the point of me being alive. Other ways it showed is when I didn't get something 100% right and they'd ask me if I could ever do what I was supposed to.

The older I get the more it becomes an issue. Two of my half siblings got married in the last two years. I wasn't invited to either wedding. One of my half siblings has at least two kids now too and I never met them. My parents encouraged me to send gifts and reach out and try to be involved but my half sibling shut that down.

Another fucked up thing they did in an effort for me to be the unifying baby or whatever you'd call it, is they named me after their dead spouses. I have the boy version of dad's first wife's name as my first name and my middle name is a variant of mom's first husband's name.

That has sucked on multiple different levels and apparently my half siblings blew every fuse when they heard my name for the first time. My parents typically call me by both in some double barrel type of name. Their families tried to convince them to name me something different but they said it was symbolic.

The only thing it symbolizes is the equal disinterest from my three half siblings. The other day my parents were being pissy because I didn't call to wish one of the half's a happy birthday and they were being really annoying about it and I told them they sucked as parents.

I said they never should have put so much on me or had me for such a dumb reason and the fucked up part was they resented me too. I admitted to resenting them for those choices and my parents got mad and said it's such a normal thing to do and I had no reason to resent them or blame them for any of this.. AITA?

The challenges of blended families are well documented, and experts note that imposing a role on a child before they’re even born can lead to lasting psychological effects. Here, the pressure to unite disparate family members is not only unrealistic—it places an enormous emotional burden on a young person who is still developing his identity. In therapy, it’s often emphasized that each child should be valued for who they are, not as a means to an end.

Psychologists explain that when a child is forced into the role of peacemaker or family fixer, it can result in chronic feelings of inadequacy and resentment. The expectation that he should mend relationships and be the unifying force—without regard for his own needs—sets a precedent for emotional neglect. This kind of imposed duty can stunt personal growth and create a deep divide between the individual’s self-worth and their familial responsibilities.

Family therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch remarks, “Children need the freedom to grow into their own identities without having the burden of resolving adult conflicts. When a child is expected to be the glue for a dysfunctional family, it often leads to long-term emotional struggles.” Such insights help to validate the feelings of someone who has been consigned a role that no child should ever bear.

Finally, experts suggest that early intervention, including family counseling and possibly changing the narrative within the household, can be crucial. For children caught in these dynamics, establishing personal boundaries and seeking individual therapy are vital steps towards reclaiming their identity and emotional health. It’s essential for parents to recognize that real healing involves every member taking responsibility for their own emotional work, rather than relying on a child to bridge gaps that should be resolved among the adults.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users overwhelmingly support the young poster, with many calling out the blatant misuse of parental power. Commenters express outrage over a family that treats a child as a tool for mending adult relationships and cite the burden of having responsibilities thrust upon him from before birth.

Many agree that the parents’ decision to have him for the sole purpose of uniting a fractured family is not only unfair, but a form of emotional manipulation. Others highlight that being named after deceased spouses adds another layer of painful symbolism and forced legacy. The consensus is that the resentment the OP feels is entirely justified and that he is not at fault for the choices made by his parents.

NONE0FURBIZZ − NTA. Adults need to stop treating kids as commodities, tools and whims they have. Not just in blended families but those who think is ok to exploit others so they can have a baby. Your parents had you selfishly and they didn't have any of their kids best interests in mind, otherwise, they wouldn't had married seeing their already existing kids hated it. 

Those kids were already having a bad time due to grief, they were the adults but they selfishly put their happiness over the minors who also were too little at the time. Then they had another kid, like someone who orders a tool, thinking they could use them for their delusional idea of unifying the kids they were already mistreating.. They are the major AH who think children are things.

AuntNicoliosis − NTA Your entire family sucks! Your parents need some serious therapy, and your half siblings need to grow up and put the blame where it belongs. On your parents' shoulders. My advice. You should get therapy. Get it while you are young and can work through the unfair, crazy, toxic (I could go on) issues your parents have and placed on you like it was your problem. It's not!!!

You have value outside of your family. You just need to see that. I don't know where you live, but try and move out as soon as you can for university. That will help you put some distance and for you to get on your own feet. Find yourself. You have worth! Your only job in life is to be a good human and productive member of society.

You have no responsibility to or for your family for anything. Honestly, if it hurts you to try and have a relationship with your siblings, then don't. Treat them as they treat you. As for your parents... I'd consider low contact once you're finally able to move out.

I'm so sorry you are being treated like this. It's not fair. It's not right. It really is downright crazy! Best of luck! PS... maybe consider changing your name when you turn 18. That's only if you want to. Might help you though.

Brighton_Spores − I'm sorry this happened to you.. Your parents were wrong and should have thought a little more about this. If they wanted to bring the family together they should have just bought a dog it would have been easier.. None of this is your fault, have you ever thought about legally changing your name?

Thick_Mick_Chick − Your parents set you up for failure right from the beginning. It doesn't sound like your half siblings even wanted them to get married, let alone have a

It's odd to me that your half siblings are so much older, but *you* need to reach out and mend fences you never broke in the first place. Why don't your parents force *THEM* to work on having a better relationship with their half brother instead of forcing a minor to do all of the heavy lifting?!

I've got bad news for your parents. If your half siblings haven't accepted you after 17 years?! They're never going to. I'm sorry you're going through this. NTA and best of luck to you! 🍀

Anxious-Designer9315 − NTA and tbh I think you need distance between both you and your parents and your half siblings to give you some time to heal, and some therapy to help you. I would strongly advise looking at ways you can create some distance - do you have some extended family who would be willing to help?

Your whole family has failed you. I can't blame your half siblings for when they were children, but the fact that they've pulled this right through into adulthood, to the point you've not met their children, and put it on you instead of your parents is way out of line.

Please know this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, their grief, and your parents complete lack of empathy and ability to deal with their own grief. You never should have had this expectation set on your shoulders - you were set up to fail from the start.

Jsmith2127 − No wonder your half siblings are upset. Beyond not wanting a sibling, you were named after THIER deceased parents. Your parents are lucky that they even talk to them, after that. NTA. Sounds like a

Ebonyrosepatt − It sounds like some of your extended family have understood the issues and tried to talk sense into your parents so could you reach out to them for help? You are 17 get all of your important documents together and get an exit plan.

(See if extended family can help, a safe place to stay or a job recommendation anything could help, even just someone teaching you any life skills you may not have.)Once you have these out of the house along with your important belongings let your parents know you will be no contact with them due to their toxicity.

 Maybe reach out to all the half siblings to say you are going no contact with your parents and so they will never be contacted by you again, but that you being born wasn’t your choice and their h**red should be aimed at your parents not you. 

Even if no contact only lasts for a year or so at first it might just give them a jolt to understand the severity of their actions. If they haven’t learnt after that then leave and never look back.

Your tough enough to survive this far your more than capable of making a decent life for yourself. Just imagine having your own kids and how your family might treat them that should be enough to make you leave if nothing else. 

Beginning-Smile-6210 − Definitely NTA. This counts as child abuse in my opinion. Your parents are delusional. I agree with everyone who suggested that at 18 you get out of there and change your name. Become the person you want to be. If there is other family willing to help you, accept that gratefully.

henchwench89 − NTA your parents are idiotic AHs. They already had kids who were unhappy with their marriage and they really thought a baby would fix that, not just a baby but a baby with their dead parents names.

That is messed up Honestly go nc with your parents as soon as you can and work to realise you weren’t born to fix their issues. You are your own person who gets to decide what their life is for

hedwigflysagain − Your parents are delusional. Just quit doing anything you don't want. So stop any communication with your half siblings. Your 17 start standing up and saying no. Tell them that unless they change, they will lose you too. They have lost the other children for a reason. That reason will make you go no contact too.

I don't expect them to really change, but it might make your life easier if they know they can't keep pushing you. So sit them down. Explain that you are done being the family fix. That unless they want to lose all contact with you after you are an adult, this has to stop now. And stay strong. Don't let them cross your boundaries.

In conclusion, the story exposes a stark reality: using a child as a unifying force in a blended family can do lasting damage. The expectations imposed on him have led to deep resentment and emotional isolation—a burden no one should carry.

While some families may believe that a new child can heal old wounds, this approach often results in unintended consequences that affect a child’s self-worth and identity. What do you think should be done when parents impose such roles on their children? Share your thoughts and experiences below. How can families rebuild without relying on a child to be the cure-all?

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