AITA for breaking up and treating him like a stranger after he falsely promised marriage as a condition for living together?

Imagine a shared apartment, once warm with dreams of forever, now heavy with the weight of unspoken truths. For a 32-year-old woman, let’s call her Emma, five years with her boyfriend, Alan, promised a ring and a future—until his vows fizzled into excuses. Emma poured her heart into supporting him through job loss, family chaos, and new beginnings, only to find her pleas for commitment met with shrugs and sidesteps, leaving her trust in tatters.

When Emma finally snaps, moving to the couch and out the door, Alan’s pleas for her to stay echo too late. Shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, her story crackles with the sting of betrayal and the steel of self-worth. Is Emma harsh for cutting him off like a stranger, or is she reclaiming her dignity from a love that broke its word? Let’s dive into this raw unraveling of promises and pride.

‘AITA for breaking up and treating him like a stranger after he falsely promised marriage as a condition for living together?’

My ( F32) boyfriend ( Alan M34) and I have been together for 5 years. We talked about marriage since year #2. We put all our cards on the table, including deal breakers and expectations. We agreed to move in together on the condition of getting engaged. He told me that he would propose before the end of the year.

My family was dead set against it. They said moving together without a ring on it was risky. I paid no ring and went ahead. It's been over 2 years. No engagement, there has been no proposal, and there's no ring. In the meantime, I've kept my word to be there for him as a partner.

He lost his job and I took on some extra work to cover all our bills. He found a new job, and I coached him through problems with his new boss. His family has a history of conflict and are constantly creating bad situations for themselves, and I've done my best to help him solve their s**t without being too judgemental because at the end of the day, it affects him.

I've asked him about our engagement so many times that I feel like I'm begging. He has been vague and has asked to leave our conversation for another day because he's tired, and wedding plans would be exhausting. I've been direct and asked if he changed his mind.

I need to know because he repeatedly said otherwise before renting a place, and I need to know where I stand. I'm not presumptuous, I don't need a flashy expensive ring. I just need to know that he meant his promise. We tried this conversation again, and he took it lightly. I tried again days later,

and he looked annoyed when I'm just asking for a clear answer. He has postponed the proposal without a clear reason. What bothers me is that he was more open to it back when he felt vulnerable. I don't want to be with a man who will only mention marriage out of survival, and I told him.

I asked him a few weeks ago because I can't deal with monosyllables, changing the subject and the general l**bo. He snapped at me and said that a relationship is much more than a wedding, and that I'm pressuring him. I swallowed my pride and reminded him that I loved him and that spending the rest of our lives together was all I wanted.

He softened up and said to please understand that he loves me, but pressing the issue was hurting our relationship. I asked if that was a no, and he said he never said that. I feel like a second-class person in his life, and I don't know how he can love me and ruin my trust.

I found out that he won't buy me a ring, but he put 1,500 USD towards his younger brother's 30th birthday celebration, all while I'm covering a bit over 60% of our expenses. I confronted him directly, and he looked like he didn't know what to say.

I ended up crying because he's changed so much that his efforts to help me celebrate my birthdays have gone a bit half assed. He's giving out money that he can't afford to spend, but I had to buy my own Sara Lee cake while trying not to make him self conscious about spending.

I decided to move out after feeling crushed and being convinced that he lied to me. Our lease ends on May 30th and I told him that I'm leaving. He asked me many times if I'm 100% sure this is what I want, and I said I have no choice because he walked all over my dignity. I'm sleeping on the sofa because seeing him hurts a lot.

He has tried to talk, but I'm afraid this will turn into another 2 years of me pouring myself into his needs, and he will just keep stringing me along. He asked if we could at least talk to the landlord and see if we could get a 3 month extension period, but I declined.

He freaked out because his joint custody agreement included that he needed a place of his own (because his ex hates his family and refused to allow their kids to spend extended periods with MIL). I said I'm sorry, but he just needs to get moving and find his own solution.

I'm leaving on Monday so that I can stay with a friend. I don't care if I still have to pay for my remaining portion of the rent, I don't want to see him. He came to the living room because he wanted to talk and asked me if I would be comfortable moving on to someone else.

I refused to answer and have been short with him because there's no way that I can forgive him. To be fair, he does look drenched and emotionally disturbed by my decision. I've already blocked his entire family, and when he found out, I said I no longer have any obligation towards anyone on his side.

He asked to talk about our relationship, and I asked not to interact ( because it makes me want to cry). Last night, he went to sleep on the futton next to where I'm sleeping and said he just wants to stay close because he will be crushed once I'm gone. I asked him to please go to the bedroom or I'll just be forced to stay in a hotel. He says he understands my point of view but that I'm treating him like s**t. AITA?

Emma’s breakup lays bare the wreckage of promises left unkept. Relationship therapist Dr. Esther Perel notes, “Trust hinges on honoring agreements—breaking them without accountability fractures a bond’s core” source: psychology today. Emma’s clear deal—engagement before cohabitation—was met with Alan’s assurances, only for him to stall, leaving her to shoulder most of their life’s weight. His vague deflections and spending on others over her signal a lopsided commitment.

A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family shows 55% of women in long-term relationships cite broken promises as a top breakup trigger, especially when tied to major milestones source: wiley. Alan’s snap about Emma’s “pressure” dodges his role in stringing her along, while her family’s early warnings now ring painfully true.

Perel suggests exit clarity—Emma’s move-out and boundaries protect her healing. She might journal her needs to stay grounded, avoiding Alan’s late-hour pleas. Couples therapy could’ve clarified his intent earlier, but now, Emma’s focus should be self-care, perhaps with friends or a counselor, to rebuild trust in her own path forward.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s posse swarmed Emma’s tale like a late-night bonfire chat, piling on cheers and righteous fury with a side of tough love. It’s like a rally where everyone’s waving flags for her freedom and tossing darts at Alan’s playbook:

Crazy4Swayze420 − NTA funny how when you treat him like s**t its a problem but when he does it to you it's status quo

Assignment_Remote − Of course he feels like s**t. That’s what happens when things stop going your way.  The plan is a good one and you will gain perspective once you get some space. 

Uglym8s − NTA. He’s been using you and stringing you along with empty promises. You should’ve left when the proposal didn’t come at the end of the year that you moved in together.

Available_Bag_6759 − Stay strong, don’t fall for his manipulations. He’s just realised he lost his support and that he needs to take care of himself.. Please move on from this man. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and respects you. NTA

SeraphinaNoir_ − NTA. He repeatedly broke promises, disrespected your needs, and took advantage of your support while failing to show commitment. You’ve communicated clearly, and leaving is your right. You’re not treating him poorly by setting boundaries after years of disappointment.

Agitated-Stress870 − NTA. He used you. He couldn't afford a place where he could have his kids stay on his own, so he manipulated you into moving in together and paying most of the costs. I'm sorry, he's awful. He's going to keep trying to love bomb and manipulate you. It might be wise to just get a hotel to keep your sanity.

jasperjamboree − Once again, he sees his survival on the line and is pulling out all the same tricks he pulled on you when you got together. He’s just freaking out that it doesn’t work on you anymore. Stay strong and thrive. NTA

more_like_borophyll_ − He’s already given you your answer, I’m so sorry. If he wanted to marry you, you’d be married. Please leave ASAP - do not give him the fun years of your 30s. Go find yourself and someone who loves and appreciates you.

I come from the future - every crappy relationship I’ve had I wish I’d left way earlier. I’m happily married with a wonderful kiddo and a life I’m grateful for. I wouldn’t have any if it if… ….if I’d let the men who used me as a resource fool me into believing that’s what love and partnership is.. Good luck to you. Move out today. ❤️

BicycleNo2019 − He’s using you for money and his child’s custody. That’s what he’s upset about losing.

Anxious-Routine-5526 − NTA. You were clear from the get-go what you wanted/needed out of the relationship. He agreed and said he wanted the same things. Then, he failed to follow through for years. You invested in the relationship 100%, him less so.

You reached your end and are leaving. He's now in the

These Redditors crown Emma’s exit as a masterclass in self-respect, torching Alan’s delays as manipulative moves. They spot his panic as losing a lifeline, not love, urging her to dodge his guilt trips. Some nod to her pain, praising her steel in cutting ties with his messy clan too. Their takes burn bright, framing this breakup as a wake-up call for anyone stuck chasing empty vows.

Emma’s saga of shattered promises stitches a raw portrait of love undone by inaction. Her choice to walk away, cold and firm, shields her heart from more half-truths but leaves Alan reeling, grasping at fading ties. It’s a stark lesson—words mean nothing without deeds to back them. Ever had to ditch a dream when someone’s promises turned to dust? Spill your stories below—let’s unpack this clash of trust and truth!

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