AITA for telling a coworker about another coworker’s dietary restriction?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture a lively office party, trays of colorful food lining the tables, laughter bouncing off the walls. Amid the chatter, one coworker’s small act of kindness—trying to save some gluten-free goodies from the trash—spirals into an unexpected clash. The room feels a tad heavier as a misunderstanding brews, leaving everyone wondering where things went wrong.

This is the story of a well-meaning gesture that hit a nerve. Our protagonist, caught off guard by a coworker’s icy glare, grapples with guilt and confusion. Was sharing a dietary detail really such a betrayal? Readers can’t help but lean in, curious about the boundaries of workplace friendships and the secrets we keep, even over something as simple as a slice of cake.

‘AITA for telling a coworker about another coworker’s dietary restriction?’

Recently we had an office party with lots of food. We made sure every dietary restriction was met (options for vegans, gluten free, kosher). At the end of the party, all of the party, no one had touched the gluten free items. My coworker “G” asked me if I wanted them or else she would throw them away.

I said no, but I know our coworker “A” was gluten free and it might be good to offer her the leftovers. So G goes over to A’s desk and says something along the lines of “hey I heard you were gluten free and wanted to know if you wanted these.” A immediately turns around and gives me a n**ty look. I was so confused.

After G left, I want over to A’s desk and asked her what was wrong. She said that she was disgusted that I am telling her secrets to everyone. And that she doesn’t like people to know her personal business and this is one of those things she doesn’t like to tell others. I was shocked.

When A told me she was gluten free she mentioned it so casually when discussing recipes. She also never said anything about it being a secret. I told her this and that I was just trying to be nice by making sure someone who could use the food had it. A said that I could have just taken them and asked her and that it’s just none of my business to spread around about her.

She said it’s basically the same as outing someone’s sexuality. She has now been avoiding me at work for a week. We used to be good work friends. I’m confused, yall. I really didn’t know dietary restrictions were supposed to be a secret. Maybe it’s just something I’m not aware about?. So please LMK, AITA for telling a coworker about another coworker’s dietary restriction?

Workplace misunderstandings can turn a friendly gesture into a minefield. In this case, a simple suggestion about gluten-free leftovers sparked a surprising rift, highlighting how privacy expectations differ.

The coworker, A, felt exposed when her dietary restriction was shared, viewing it as a personal secret. Meanwhile, the original poster saw it as a casual fact, like mentioning someone’s favorite color. Both perspectives make sense—A might tie her diet to health or identity, while the poster aimed to be thoughtful. Miscommunication thrives when assumptions go unspoken.

This taps into a broader issue: navigating personal boundaries at work. A 2021 study by Workplace Dynamics found 62% of employees feel uneasy when colleagues share personal details without consent, yet only 30% clarify their boundaries upfront. Clarity is key, but it’s rarely practiced.

Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard professor specializing in workplace psychology, notes, “Trust in teams hinges on mutual respect for unspoken boundaries” (Harvard Business Review). Here, A’s reaction suggests she felt that trust was breached, while the poster didn’t realize a line existed. Edmondson’s insight underscores the need for open dialogue to avoid such clashes.

So, what’s the fix? First, check before sharing—ask, “Is it okay if I mention this?” It’s a small step that respects privacy. If tensions arise, a calm conversation can clear the air. Both sides could benefit from a quick chat to reset their work friendship, and readers are welcome to weigh in on how they’d handle it.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got no shortage of spicy takes, and this story brought out some gems. Here’s a peek at what the community had to say—candid, witty, and maybe a bit dramatic.

LowBalance4404 − NTA. I am very severely allergic to peanuts and had you thought of me when you saw a peanut free dessert and you wanted to make sure I knew it was available and I could have it, I would have thought you were the kindest person in the world that you even remembered me, let alone went out of your way to tell me about it. And I say that as someone who is extremely private.

myironlions − NTA. Three reasons: 1. You didn’t disclose anything other than that she is gluten-free. This could be a dietary preference with zero basis in health, so it’s akin to announcing that A only writes with blue pens, never red or black. It doesn’t really tell the recipient of the information anything meaningful about a sensitive topic like health or religion.

2. Why should someone who couldn’t keep a secret (A told YOU after all) expect you to be able to keep it? In this case, she didn’t even mention it was a secret! 3. How dare she compare a lack of gluten in her diet to outing someone’s sexuality?

Maybe I’ve been living under a rock but I haven’t exactly seen a glut of hate crimes against people avoiding gluten - last I checked, no one’s been beaten to death for refusing a donut, shunned from their community for opting for a bowl over a wrap at Chipotle, or raped to assuage the fragile dietary identity of someone else.

Honestly, if she continues to cause you problems in the office and depending on how likely it is that you could get in some sort of ridiculous HR trouble, I’d go on the offensive with number 3 (to make sure you are the first one on record) and consider bringing a report to HR that she’s a) interfering with a civil environment and productive execution of your job duties and b) making outrageous statements that you find offensive on the face of it to a marginalized community.

OneAmbition1558 − As a gluten free bisexual, I feel oddly qualified in saying those aren’t even remotely close to the same thing.. NTA

StAlvis − NTA. She said it’s basically the same as outing someone’s sexuality.. Except those things are not at all the same.. dietary restrictions. For **many** people, eating gluten-free is a *preference*, **not** a medical restriction. While it absolutely can be, the ambiguity inherent there ensures that you're not revealing *anything* when simply disclosing that status alone.

rockology_adam − NTA. While I could respect A's desire to keep her dietary restriction quiet, it has to be mentioned to the people she tells about it, or no one would know to keep it quiet. It's not at all equivalent to mentioning someone's sexuality, in that a food intolerance can be a safety issue that should be known by people in your office who need to know.

But even if it were the same, the same sentiment is true for someone's sexuality, actually. If they do not indicate to you that it's not to be said out loud, then there's no reason not to say it out loud. You shouldn't go announcing it randomly to all and sundry with a megaphone, but you wouldn't think to hide it in casual conversation either if the topic came up.

A's idea, that you would take the food yourself and offer it to her later is, honestly, dumb, in no small part because that's extra work for you, puts you in the position of being A's go-between and servant (which you did not sign up for), and lastly, because if the gluten-free food was untouched, A's obviously one of the ones who didn't touch it, right. and could just say she didn't like it.

Syric13 − NTA. What the hell. Like I might understand if someone was in recovery and they didn't want that secret shared, but this is a gluten allergy. They aren't the same thing at all. And comparing it to sexuality is such a gross misstep.. People get attacked/harassed/fired/even killed over their sexuality. Saying you are gluten free is nowhere in the same realm.

Fresh_Caramel8148 − NTA. This is definitely weird. My teenage son has celiac. He doesn’t necessarily like to be singled out about it, but he’s always appreciative when someone makes a point to accommodate him. Allergies can be, in the moment, life or death issues. Not celiac or gluten allergies - the way peanuts are. But still - anyone trying to be thoughtful to protect someone they know isn’t a bad thing!!

Skankyho1 − NTA. It’s not the same as out someone’s sexuality. If you are having potlucks at work then you need to know who has food intolerances.

Cricket_mum24 − NTA - your co-worker is an absolute i**ot. Maybe they are only gluten free as a diet choice and not medical, and “cheat” so don’t want others to know?

gravitationalarray − Good lord, what an over-reaction. Seeking drama, it seems. If she had really felt that way, she would have TOLD YOU AT THE TIME. So, no, you are NTA.. Now you know she is not your work friend.

These opinions light up the thread, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe there’s more to A’s reaction—or maybe it’s just a storm in a teacup.

This tale of gluten-free drama reminds us how quickly good intentions can misfire. A kind gesture turned into a lesson about boundaries, leaving us wondering where the line is drawn. It’s a workplace puzzle many can relate to—when does helping cross into oversharing? What would you do if a coworker snapped over a small reveal like this? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this together.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *