AITA for sending most of my extended family an email stating why they are never invited to things anymore?

Family gatherings should spark joy, but for one Reddit user, they’ve become a battlefield over fairness and loyalty. Fed up with her extended family’s harsh treatment of her nephew Jamie, she fired off a blunt email, barring them from dinners, parties, and her kids’ events. Only Jamie, who found refuge in her home, stays in her circle. The family’s backlash—calling him a “bratty s**t”—only hardened her resolve.

This isn’t just about unchecking names from a guest list—it’s a stand against favoritism and a cry for justice for a kid who got the short end. Her email laid bare years of hurt, but the fallout has her wondering if she swung too hard. Is she wrong for burning those bridges, or was this the wake-up call her kin needed? Let’s unpack this family firestorm and find the truth.

‘AITA for sending most of my extended family an email stating why they are never invited to things anymore?’

I (36f) made the (not so) difficult decision to no longer invite my extended family to dinner, parties, school events for my kids, etc. The one exception is my nephew Jamie (18). He is my elder sister's eldest. He moved in with my husband and myself for a while before he turned 18 to get away from his parents and younger brother (17).

Some context/bg. When Jamie was born his parents genuinely seemed to love him. And they appeared, to a younger me, to be good parents. That changed as soon as his younger brother was born. Suddenly my sister and BIL talked about Jamie as a nightmare, said he was an awful baby, they hated every moment with him and his younger brother was an angel and perfect.

This attitude continued. Jamie wasn't a misbehaving kid or

If he spilled something they'd scold him. If he got messy they'd reprimand him harshly for it. The rest of my extended family started acting the same. Jamie couldn't do anything right. He sneezed, it was too loud. He fell, he was being reckless/careless. And the praise for his bother was insane.

Like yeah, he was a quieter and calmer kid but Jamie wasn't destroying things or stealing, yelling, cursing, etc. Even having too much fun got Jamie negative attention and I was told to shut up whenever I'd defend him or tell people to lay off.

I took it upon myself to be there for Jamie as much as I could. The older the boys got the harder it got because Jamie also had his brother trying to get him into trouble or berating him for things. I hated seeing it but I knew I needed to be there for Jamie and avoiding it would do no good.

Nobody showed up for Jamie except for me. I was often the only family member (except for when I married and had kids) who made an appearance at school plays and the likes. When Jamie moved in with us, and got his freedom, I decided it was time to do the same.

My family kept asking me about coming over and when were my kids things.  Nobody asked about Jamie. Or they'd want to know about parties for the kids. I let it all pile up and then I decided to send an email to the extended family outlining how disgusting their behavior toward Jamie had been and how that meant they would no longer receive any invitations from me.

I got a lot of negativity back with people saying I shouldn't take *HIS* side when he's a bratty little s**t who deserved everything he got. I don't regret defending Jamie BUT did I handled this badly?. AITA?

Family can lift you up or drag you down, and for Jamie, it was mostly the latter. The Reddit user’s email wasn’t just a guest-list purge—it was a shield for a nephew caught in a toxic dynamic. Her family’s habit of scapegoating Jamie, praising his quieter brother while slamming his every move, wasn’t just unfair; it was a pattern of emotional neglect. Barring them from her life, save for Jamie, draws a line against that harm.

This drama taps a wider issue: family scapegoating can scar kids for life. A 2021 study from the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that 40% of scapegoated children face higher risks of anxiety and low self-esteem into adulthood (source: springer.com). Jamie’s loud sneezes or messy spills—normal kid stuff—became ammunition, while the family’s silence at his school plays spoke volumes. The user’s role as his lone cheerleader likely saved him from worse.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Connection, says, “Calling out toxic behavior is tough but vital; silence enables it” (source: harrietlerner.com). Lerner’s wisdom backs the user—her email wasn’t rash; it was a truth bomb for a family blind to their bias. Their defensive jeers, branding Jamie a “brat,” prove they’re not ready to listen. The mass email, while bold, ensured clarity over whispers.

Going forward, the user might check in with Jamie to gauge his comfort with her public defense—blowback could hit him hard. Keeping her kids distanced from this crew protects them from similar targeting. If any relatives show remorse, a cautious talk might test their sincerity, but for now, her door stays shut to those who’d harm a child’s spirit.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s posse stormed this family feud like it’s a rally for justice, slinging cheers and shade with fierce gusto. Picture a packed town hall, folks rooting loud—most praising the user’s guts, some shaking fists at her kin’s cruelty. Here’s the straight dope from the comments, buzzing with heart and a spark of grit:

Even_Budget2078 − NTA. OP, reading how you've been there for Jamie made me tear up. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You owe no one access to your children. And you don't owe anyone an explanation to begin with. But, in any case, there's nothing wrong with the way you communicated your feelings and limits to your family.

Mass email is actually a good way to do it. Put it in writing, send it one time to everyone so there's no misinformation from multiple versions of different one-on-one conversations. You don't owe anyone a response, especially if they are just justifying their terrible Jamie treatment and arguing about that with you.

The only two things I would say is that, yes, it's good you've taken this decision because of how they treated Jamie, but I would carefully consider having these people around *your* children. You know that they s**pegoat children and then all gang up on them.

What if one of your children ended up the next

Last thing, did you tell Jamie you were going to do this and was he ok with it? Because you did it

Not talking to him first does not make you an a**hole, but if you didn't, I would suggest apologizing to him for not giving him a head's up and making sure he's ok emotionally- this could be emotional/triggering to him to have his mistreatment all laid out in the open.

archetyping101 − At first I was going to say Y T A but after reading the post, NTA.

It was his parents and the family's job to love and nurture him. They're blaming a KID for being a bratty little s**t? That's what a lot of kids are!!!! Deserved everything he got? He's a child. He deserved love and compassion.    . Your family sucks and your nephew is lucky to have one decent human being in his life. 

DinaFelice −

NTA. Thank you for protecting Jamie and your own children from anymore of this toxic family dynamic. And you handled it beautifully. You literally gave your family members a wake-up call that should have been an opportunity to realize the error of their ways.

If any of them were decent people, they would have been horrified that they'd been lumped in with AHs, and would be seeking opportunities to make amends and try to rebuild their relationships with both you and Jamie. Instead, they doubled down and proved without a doubt that they are AHs that aren't worth your time

[Reddit User] − NTA. When Jamie moved in with us, and got his freedom, I decided it was time to do the same. My family kept asking me about coming over and when were my kids things. Nobody asked about Jamie. Or they'd want to know about parties for the kids.

I let it all pile up and then I decided to send an email to the extended family outlining how disgusting their behavior toward Jamie had been and how that meant they would no longer receive any invitations from me. I got a lot of negativity back with people saying I shouldn't take *HIS* side when he's a bratty little s**t who deserved everything he got.

I don't regret defending Jamie BUT did I handled this badly? God help your nephew and thank God he had you in his corner. You both need to move forward and quit looking back at that terrible, toxic family. Good luck to you both OP.

nolanday64 − NTA, but with a caveat ... breaking contact with extended family is fine, but by tying it back to their treatment of Jamie, you've given them all yet another reason to blame him for something that's not his fault. To them, now it's Jamie's fault (as usual) that they don't get to be part of OP's events any more.

Queasy-Sport-7234 − NTA. Thank you for being there for Jamie. You are likely one of the only reasons he survived his childhood. My son is a lot like Jamie. My immediate family is fine but so few people look beyond the noise and dirt. He is the sweetest boy and gets so hurt by all the r**ection.

[Reddit User] − NTA. This is a message for Jamie:. # Hi Jamie, I just want to tell you that your family are awful and don't deserve a role in your life. Being a part of your life is a privilege not a right, and that right isn't granted simply because of DNA.

You have a wonderful uncle who genuinely cares about you. You will go out into the world and meet more people who care about and respect you and you will build your own little pseudo family with these people. Go forth in the world and build a wonderful life in spite of them.

And if it's helpful, maybe seek some therapy in the future to make sure you're not carrying any of their toxic crap with you. It's their loss that you're not in their lives. Let them stay over there in their own little bubble and make each other miserable for the rest of their lives.. Good luck to you.

1962Michael − NTA. I 100% agree with your decision to go no-contact with your family. And handling it with one well-written email is a pretty good way to make sure everyone has the same understanding of your reasoning. If you just went radio-silent or just told one person, then everyone would have a different story and you'd look much worse in their eyes.

Not all of them feel exactly the same. You got

RemoteBroccoli − NTA.. You are protecting a kid. Their spare and whipping kid.. But, nonetheless, a KID. As soon as the kiddo turns 18, ask him if they wanna be adopted as a adult. That way, he does not have to call them family, your family finally gets it, and so on.. NTA

Ok_Homework_7621 − NTA. But second what the others say, if they're that bad, and especially now when they react badly to your email, I'd basically keep them away completely. You don't want your kids exposed to them right now. Either your kids are next in line for abuse or they hear how horrible you are. Neither is good.

Redditors hailed the user as Jamie’s hero, though a few nodded that her email lit a fuse. These takes swing from warm support to fiery quips, proving this tale’s got soul. It’s Reddit at its rawest—big-hearted, bold, and all-in.

This Reddit tale weaves a fierce story of loyalty and tough calls. The user’s email wasn’t about revenge—it was a stand for a kid her family failed. Maybe some relatives wake up, or maybe they double down. Either way, it’s a nudge to guard those who need us most. Ever had to call out family for picking favorites? Share your take below—what’s your read on this kin-shunning showdown?

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