AITA for telling my estranged father’s ex wife to f**k off when she contacted me randomly after more than a decade to apologize to her daughter?

In a world where family ties often blur the lines between love and obligation, one woman’s personal history unfolds like a dramatic, yet painfully honest, saga of betrayal and estrangement. The narrative dives into a past marked by a father’s divided attention and the emotional scars left by being replaced, setting the stage for a fiery confrontation when old wounds are unexpectedly reopened.

Standing at the crossroads of resentment and longing for resolution, the tone is both raw and reflective. This piece invites readers into a reality where painful memories and real-life family drama converge, encouraging us to empathize with the complexity of emotions when past grievances suddenly resurface.

‘AITA for telling my estranged father’s ex wife to f**k off when she contacted me randomly after more than a decade to apologize to her daughter?’

I'm (28f) estranged from my father. In my early teens he was married to a woman called Erica. They were divorced by the time I was 16. But when my father was married to Erica he shoved me aside for Erica's daughter Elsie who was 1 or 2 years younger than me, I forget now. My father was never the best father and I didn't always see that as a kid since I never knew my mom.

So I clung to this idea that he was amazing and when he all but abandoned me for Elsie I was pissed. Elsie was super happy to have a dad for the first time and she tried to be BFFs with me and acted like I should just be happy for her because I got my dad all to myself for years.

When my father wasn't around she especially tried to make it seem like we were close but I hated her and I told her to stay away from me because she stole my father.  She told me I was being a b**ch and it was only fair she got him to make up for never having a dad.

Erica divorced my father because eventually he got tired of Elsie and he told her she wasn't even his kid and to f**k off and stop annoying him. Erica was furious with not just him, but me as well because I loved when it happened and I was very smug about it and I even told her that I guess she wasn't getting to make up for all that time after all.

Was that my finest moment? No. But I hated Elsie enough and enjoyed seeing her get dumped since she thought it made sense for me to be. Erica yelled at me as well as my father before she took Elsie and left. I didn't hear from them or see them in over a decade. It's been a decade since I last spoke to or saw my father either.

I'm full no contact. But then a Facebook message from Erica came through a week ago and she expected me to reach out and apologize to Elsie for upsetting her more after my father destroyed her. She told me I owed her daughter that.

I ignored the message and blocked her. Which only seemed to infuriate her because next she found my Insta and told me the same thing only far more harshly and with much more insults aimed at me.

She got three messages to me through Insta before I found them and I responded with f**k off and I blocked her. I have a second account on Insta and she messaged that and went off on me for telling her to f**k off

And asked what kind of adult I am to not own up to my mistakes and apologize for being a bully to someone who wanted me to love her and be happy for her when she was finally getting the chance at a dad. She said I'm clearly not very mature if I'm behaving this way and ignoring her simple request. I blocked her again in response.. AITA?

Letting family matters unfold can be as challenging as it is emotional. In this situation, the OP’s decades-old pain resurfaces when an unexpected apology triggers memories of feeling abandoned. The longstanding neglect and replacement by a favored sibling have left an indelible mark. Such deep-rooted resentments are often hard to reconcile and demand a candid look into how past hurts shape current responses.

The OP’s reaction is not merely an expression of anger but a response to years of feeling undervalued. When old dynamics re-emerge in adulthood, it reminds us that unresolved family issues can persist far beyond childhood. This occurrence reflects broader challenges faced by many who struggle to redefine relationships after painful betrayals. Social patterns confirm that lingering resentment may be intertwined with the struggle for a true sense of belonging.

Dr. John Gottman once observed, “It’s not the conflict but how we manage it that reveals the health of our relationships.” His insight is especially relevant here, where the OP’s boundaries serve as both protection and a reflection of past wounds. Acknowledging her deep-seated emotional scars, his perspective underscores that healing is less about immediate reconciliation and more about establishing new, sustainable ways to deal with trauma.

In light of this, seeking professional guidance might empower individuals to untangle intricate family loyalties and gain clarity on what forgiveness really means. While the instinct is to lash out when hurt reappears, experts suggest that healthy communication and setting firm boundaries can pave the way for personal recovery. Ultimately, embracing therapy could transform old conflicts into opportunities for growth, offering practical steps toward lasting healing.

Check out how the community responded:

Across the discussion thread, the overall consensus is that the OP’s reaction is understandable given the long period of emotional neglect and family betrayal. Many voices agree that after more than a decade of silence, receiving an unsolicited and aggressive apology feels both unwarranted and re-traumatizing.

Commenters emphasize the importance of setting firm boundaries when old wounds resurface, noting that insisting on forced reconciliation only reopens past hurts. Ultimately, the shared sentiment is that prioritizing one’s emotional well-being is essential, and there’s little reason to accept apologies that disrupt one’s journey toward healing.

Cute-Profession9983 − You know what's not mature? Harassing someone on social media for something they did as a kid when the harasser was the adult

Flashy_blue-eyes − NTA. It's been 10 freaking years. Erica seems unhinged and she needs to back off. You and her daughter were only a couple of years apart. It isn't like you were a decade older than her and treated her like that. Your father was an AH too.

You don't owe anyone an apology and even if you did, Elsie owes you one too in that case. Definitely continue the no contact and ignore her. You don't need that toxicity in your life.

Dismal-Recognition59 − I think that your dad is absolutely awful. He pitted the two of you off against each other and neither of you won. It is horrible for Erica to come back to you know so NTA for telling her to get lost. I wonder if there was a trigger for Elsie for her mum to come back to you now. I agree it’s not your problem but I can’t help feeling sorry for Elsie too.

Bodysurfer8 − NTAH. You don’t need and do not want Erica in your life. You don’t owe her jack s**t.

Concussed_Celt_ − NTA.. You owe these strangers NOTHING! But I would seek counselling for your abusive parental relationship.

Otherwise_Degree_729 − NTA. Honestly some single parents sounds unhinged. They marry another single parent, they treat their stepchildren like s**t and expect their husbands to drop their children for their stepchildren. The sad thing is it’s seems to work more often than not.

cassowary32 − NTA. Ask her what kind of mom is still fighting her kid’s battles in their 20s? What about your chance to “have a mom”? Where was Erica in the last decade?. This sounds like something Erica and Elsie need to work out with a therapist.

PurpleSloth1025 − Why doesn't she harass your father for treating her daughter poorly? Especially after he

Medical_Salary_564 − You don't owe them a f**king thing. I would be wary of this being a camouflage for something else that they need from you. I mean who waits 10 years to demand an apology...? And adamantly, I might add...

Clear-Ad-5165 − NTA s**ew them both.. you owe them nothing. When she stalks you tell her to GTFU and f**k off

In wrapping up this turbulent tale, we invite our readers to share their thoughts and personal experiences. How do you balance long-held grudges against the possibility of forgiveness?

What would you do if you found yourself navigating similar challenges in your own family? Your insights are welcome in the comment section as we explore the fine line between setting boundaries and embracing healing.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *