AITA for telling my boyfriend it’s his fault that all his women have dumped him afyer he reacted poorly to my career success and wanted me to choose?

In a dimly lit restaurant, the clink of glasses promised celebration, but the air grew heavy with unspoken tension. A 41-year-old woman, radiant with the glow of a decade-long career triumph, sat across from her boyfriend, expecting shared joy. Instead, his words sliced through her pride, turning a milestone into a battlefield. What began as a night to toast success spiraled into a clash of dreams and doubts, exposing cracks in a five-year love story.

Her story, raw and unfiltered on Reddit, isn’t just about a breakup—it’s a mirror to the quiet struggles of ambition meeting insecurity. When support turns to sabotage, where do you draw the line? Her bold clapback at her boyfriend’s pattern of failed relationships stirred a digital uproar, inviting us to weigh in on love, jealousy, and the cost of speaking truth.

‘AITA for telling my boyfriend it’s his fault that all his women have dumped him afyer he reacted poorly to my career success and wanted me to choose?’

Last week, I ( F41) took my boyfriend ( Tony M42) ( 5 years together) out on a date to celebrate a huge career milestone. Since 2014, I've been working towards getting a very comprehensive project from concept to reality. I took all the steps, got into a better situation 6 years ago, and I got commitment from investors to take it into its next phase.

Tony is an engineer ( important to the story) , we met in college, and I've always considered him smart and a bit of my dream guy. I thought we would have a quiet dinner, reaffirm being there for each other, and then go have s**. Instead, I had to hear him ranting, saying how unrealistic I am and that I'm biting more than I can chew.

Not gonna make this too long, so the whole thing sounded like a “who do you think you are?” From him. I had to explain there's no way I'm trying to bite too much. I have built my credibility, have worked very hard to establish a decent track record, and acquired solid associates to bring additional standing for our project.

Still, he made very derogatory remarks ( the kind one does when in disbelief or chronic disapproval) and said nothing is going to happen, that I'm stuck and that I compromised myself, for which he is concerned. I'm mad at myself for not saying anything on the spot. Instead, I've been overthinking.

He and I had plans to get married, raise our kids in a blended family, and grow old together. He didn't congratulate me. he didn't even give me a celebratory kiss. I haven't even cried yet because I'm numb. The things he said struck a chord and in a bad way. So basically, he thinks that I've been “lucky”.

I did talk to him about it after I went to my place, and he doubled down with suspicions of cheating on my part. He says there's no way I could get this far. I asked if he's mad because my project would also include his industry ( which he's very proud of), and he denied it. This is like an ice bucket to my head.

We tried to talk 2 nights ago at his place, and I left feeling worse. He says he wants a partner to enjoy life together and that I'm too old to dedicate myself to a massive project because I should have done it earlier. I don't understand, since years ago, he wanted a successful woman for himself.

He said I needed to make up my mind between my reality, which is our tangible relationship, and my perceived new developments. I reminded him about what he said, and that his words about me cheating or sleeping my way through my career was especially disrespectful because he knows I was s--- harassed at some point and was concerned for my safety.

He said I was manipulative. He called me last night like nothing happened.I broke up with him and told him to look in the mirror and ask himself why he was dumped by all of his exes. He said I was using very personal things that he told me against him and that it was disappointing.

I texted him back and said I'm not responsible for his reactions when he was so inconsiderate. He has been asking me to apologize since he woke up. He sounds weird and a bit depressed and he says I used painful situations in his past for leverage ( his ex-wife divorced him, his ex fiancee cheated and left him before the wedding).

I dont feel like I owe him anything, I didn't mention anything specifically, but I just said it's his fault that his women run for the hill ( figuratively). AITA for refusing, although I think this affected him mentally? 

Success can light up a relationship or cast shadows of envy, and this Reddit saga shows the latter in stark relief. A woman’s career milestone collided with her boyfriend’s insecurities, unraveling their bond with accusations and ultimatums. It’s a tale of clashing values—her drive versus his need for control—where neither side fully heard the other.

Tony’s reaction wasn’t just about her project; it was a flare-up of threatened ego. Dismissing her success as “luck” or cheating reveals a deeper discomfort with her outshining him. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, observes, “Contempt in a partnership—like belittling achievements—predicts collapse” (https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/). His research suggests Tony’s scorn signaled a breaking point, not a one-off.

This reflects a broader issue: gender dynamics in ambition. A 2022 Harvard study found 55% of men feel uneasy when their female partners earn more, often masking it as “concern.” Tony’s pivot to ageism and accusations fits this pattern, undermining her to restore his pride. Yet, her response—pointing out his romantic failures—escalated personal wounds.

Gottman advises couples to celebrate wins as a team. For readers, it’s a reminder: lift your partner up, not down. If faced with envy, address it calmly but firmly—set boundaries, not ultimatums. Have you navigated a partner’s jealousy? Share your story below.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s posse rolled up with pitchforks and pom-poms for this breakup bonanza, dishing out a spicy blend of fist-bumps and shade-throwing zingers. It’s like a virtual bar where everyone’s got a drink and a hot take, cheering her courage or roasting Tony’s meltdown. From calling out his green-eyed monster to nodding at her mic-drop exit, the comments hum with raw energy and no-filter vibes. Here’s the crowd’s unpolished scoop, sizzling with heart and a pinch of snark:

Smitty-TBR2430 − NTA.. This is his problem, not your problem.. Congratulations on your project. Best wishes moving on.

Large_Effective_812 − NTA, leave this man behind honey he is trashed and is upset that you’re more successful than he is. He is jealous plain and simple. Don’t be around a guy like that and stop doubting yourself. 

No_Evening8416 − Seems like an appropriate observation to me. It always baffles me when someone planning a life with their partner pull a complete 180 on being supportive. What did he think would happen when he spent an entire day deriding your accomplishments, to the point of accusing you of cheating in your career?

How could he have expected you to react? He clearly crawled directly up his own b**t on this one. Whatever he's going through, it doesn't involve considering your feelings, career, or future at all. So.... I guess not good partner material after all. I'm sad for the future you had planned together.

I'm confused about his sudden aggressivly inconsiderate actions. But I'm going with NTA. You clapped back, and I would say mildly considering. You made an observation that if this is how he eventually treats female partners, it's no wonder he is the one consistent failure point in all his relationships.

Good luck on your project, by the way. It sounds like you're doing incredible things. You deserve to enjoy the culmination of your years of hard work. And your own cake that you only share with people who are happy for you.

I_wanna_be_anemone − He’s projecting. Sounds a lot like my sperm donor did once my mother started losing weight to get healthy. Turns out he’d been f**king a work colleague for at least 6 months before my parents separated. He introduced his affair partner and moved her in before the separation period was even oven. He was never the problem, it’s everyone around him…. You deserve better, and your kids don’t deserve to be around an ageist misogynist p**ck. NTA 

Suspicious_Jaguar_10 − You are not a**hole. The only reason it struck a nerve and is affecting him, is because he knows it’s true. Congratulations on your achievements and he’s just being a jerk you’re only 41 he’s acting like you’re 70. And even then the age isn’t the reason he is acting like this, he is trying to discourage you, ao you don’t become more successful than him. It’s great that you broke up with him and hope you find better.. CONGRATS AGAIN🎉🥳

Pretend-Intention-67 − Tony sounds like he’s a little jealous. NTA, Tony’s a d**k and you deserve someone who will be there to support you and celebrate these wins. Congrats on the big win, keep crushing!

ChampionshipBetter91 − He's an absolute a$$, and he's now all poor-pitiful-me-kitty-boo-boo because you saw the pattern and dumped him.. Good for you.

Nanabanafofana − NTA. I suspect that he thought or hoped you would fail with this project. Now that it is a reality, he feels you have emasculated him because you have surpassed hisachievement. So much so that he accused you of cheating. He wanted to be the alpha in the relationship and now he sees you as the alpha and more successful.. You did the right thing by leaving. Congratulations and best of luck.

[Reddit User] − This isn’t so much for op, but for other men reading this. I am a 45 year old man. I too, to an extent used to be like your ex. I was angry at the world because I was angry with myself. I was in the middle of trying to find a therapist when a personal loss happened. It was after that event that I started therapy. .

I knew I needed therapy because I was unable to accept responsibility for my actions. Example:. Her: I didn’t like the way you spoke to me. Me: you shouldn’t have said things that pissed me off.  You are responsible for your actions no matter what the other person says.

You don’t have any control over what someone says or does, only control over how you react. We as men think we’re being “patient and good” because we don’t communicate our feelings until we finally explode into a rage. If something is bothering you, don’t hold it in until you explode.

Here’s another thing. There’s no “getting the girl”, or “I got her”. No, you don’t got her or own her or anything. Don’t think that you can control how she dresses or who she talks to. If something she does upsets you, don’t retaliate or get even. Talk to her and express how she made you feel.

You don’t have to yell. Don’t get angry to the point of yelling. Also, show some f**king appreciation. If she does something for you, acknowledge it, and be grateful. Don’t think that chores are more for women than men or some stupid s**t like that too. Her time is valuable to her, just like your time is valuable to you.

The s**t around the house you hate doing? She f**king hates it too. So don’t make her have less time for herself so you can have more time for yourself. If you had a business partner that did all the work, how long do you think you’d be in business? And she won’t d**p you out of nowhere.

She will tell you she’s not happy with something, and you’ll keep doing it until she stops talking/complaining about it. You think, “oh she doesn’t bring it up because she has accepted her new reality”. Wrong. When they stop talking/complaining, it’s because they no longer care. You’ve pretty much lost her at that point.

Why? Because you only care about yourself. Be the friend you want to have, and be the partner you want to have. That’s it. That’s the solution to a healthy relationship. That being said I’m single because well, f**k man single people at my age lie soooo f**king much it’s just like ugh, I don’t wanna deal with it lmao.

So, because I’m single, you don’t have to take my advice, but I think it’ll serve you well.. Ps: it doesn’t make you weak to get help like therapy. In fact, it makes you stronger. To the women such as op and all my exes. Sorry, it’s no excuse, our behavior has been dismissed since we were children, as we were told we’d grow out of it, or boys will be boys. So guys, don’t tell your partner to get over it. Instead be a shoulder for them to lean on, Jesus f**king Christ. 

corvus_corone_corone − He is accusing you of becoming personal on breaking up when HE is accusing YOU of cheating because that is the only way you could have got this far? What a massive AH Good riddance to him and congratulations to you for all your achievements, including dumping his sorry ass! Let him wallow in his self-pity, it is self-inflicted after all.

These Redditors are riding hard for her, hailing the breakup as a dodge from a jealous bullet or tsk-tsking Tony’s self-inflicted pity party. Some see her parting shot as a truth bomb; others think it hit below the belt. But are they catching the full shade of this clash, or just tossing gas on the drama fire? One thing’s clear—this love-gone-sour saga’s got tongues wagging. So, what’s your verdict on her stand?

This tale burns with the sting of betrayal, where a career high met a relationship low. The woman’s choice to walk away wasn’t just about Tony’s rant—it was about reclaiming her worth from a partner who’d rather dim her light than share it. Reddit’s roar backs her, but the deeper truth? Love thrives on mutual cheering, not competition. Her words about his past may have cut deep, but they echoed a pattern he refused to see. If you faced a partner tearing down your dreams, how would you respond? Drop your thoughts below.

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