AITA for planning on ending our relationship today because he acts like his daugher is “heiress” to my things?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 1 Comment

Picture a cozy studio apartment, sunlight filtering through a modest window, where a woman sips coffee, her mind buzzing with dreams for her kids’ future. She’s worked tirelessly, juggling university, a career, and motherhood, to build a legacy. But lately, her boyfriend’s odd remarks cast a shadow over her plans, hinting his daughter deserves a slice of her hard-earned pie. It’s a tale of loyalty, boundaries, and the sting of feeling used, sparking a question: where do you draw the line in love?

Her story unfolds with tension, as she wrestles with guilt and resolve. Every choice she’s made—downsizing her home, prioritizing her boys—screams dedication. Yet, his persistent “jokes” about wealth and family blur her focus, leaving her anxious. Readers can’t help but lean in, wondering if she’s right to guard her heart and her wallet, or if she’s misreading a partner’s hopes for a blended future.

‘AITA for planning on ending our relationship today because he acts like his daugher is “heiress” to my things?’

My ( F37) boyfriend ( Ben M42) has been asking weird questions and expecting me to do things that would go against my plans for my own family. Things have been working out for me in the past few years, but this year has been amazing. I decided to cut down on my daily workload a bit after I got 3 accounts that are helping me reach some financial goals.

I'm planning on buying a house for my family. I downsized my current living situation (renting) after my kids went to live (temporarily) with my parents for this semester while I completed my certified training and graduated from my present program in Uni. My new place isn't as nice looking as other places, but the price was a good cut from living expenses for me.

I can both walk to the office, and Uni and I hardly have to move my car for anything. I'm saving money that I'm putting in an account for my kids. Ben absolutely hates my place. It's clean and in a relatively safe area, it's just that it's a mix of student area/old families and traffic can get messy from 7am to 6pm and some houses are simple and elegant and some look like tacky add ons.

I don't care if my place doesn't look nice on the outside. It's not like it's an eyesore, and it's up to me to make it liveable on the inside. I had 2 other choices. Choice A cost 200 less than my previous place, with access to a community pool and 2 bedrooms. I don't need more than one bedroom at the moment and I don't really have time to enjoy the pool.

Choice B was a bit lower, but about 45 minutes away. It was beautiful and close to the school where Ben's kid went. He did hint at it, but he would have needed to get on the lease and come up with the difference between this place and my new studio apartment that I chose. Also, living together is a major decision, and right now, I really need to focus on my career and education.

He said he understood, but he didn't take it well. He told me that his daughter was disappointed because she would have liked a nice place to hang out. Ben lives in an apartment. It's an average place with no problems or issues, so what he said came out as a weird remark. Fast forward, and he started asking questions. First, he asked if I would be interested in partnering with him for a business idea.

I said no because I already made a commitment to self fund my own venture. Second, I'm not familiar with the industry that he wanted to break into. Then, he began noticing things about things that I owned. I'm not hiding that I'm financially stable, but I don't spend a lot. He did notice that I've bought a few nice items and started telling jokes that felt harmless.

Then he said that I was “loaded” and that his daughter would be an awesome protege. I stayed quiet, tbh because I think he might have been offended, but there's no way in hell that I would allow entrance to what I've built to anyone other than my kids. Also, he said that I should treat his daughter as very special because I only had boys, and she's my chance to have a girl in the family ( his words).

Don't get me wrong, she's a good kid. I have never missed out on gifting her nice and thoughtful presents on her birthdays and the holidays, but his words created a sense of discomfort and disgust for me. It felt like reversed sexism, and I told him. She and I have a decent relationship, but there's no way that I will give her access to my money if that means to treat her as my own.

I know this sounds very wrong, but it's how I feel. She's not the kind of kid who's a bully or n**ty or anything, but she's not my child and everytime that he asks for things, I feel like he's trying to get me to take from my kids to give to her. It happened again when I gave her a short-term weekend job.

The office cleaning lady wasn't available, so I hired his daughter for a Saturday cleaning. She did a good job, I paid her, and took her to the mall to get her some makeup that she wanted, and she came back next weekend. When he picked her up, he started joking that she would start from the bottom and rise to be top executive like any other kid at their family business.

I didn't say anything because she was there, but I did approach him later on and mentioned it to him. I tried to be gentle, but it was important for us to at least discuss expectations. His initial reaction wasn't what I expected. To be fair, I think he got nervous or embarrassed, but I didn't like his reaction. So he said something about me potentially putting her in my will.

I'd like to clarify that he laughed, so I think it was a joke, but I also think that he wouldn't have clarified if I'd gone along. I simply stayed quiet and told him that I cared about his daughter, but it isn't fair to create any expectations. I've worked so hard to give my kids a better future and it's taken me over 10 years and the fact that he only sees the results without taking my past and my ordeal into consideration feels disrespectful.

I also mentioned how he wanted me to change my budget and plans for a different property while he knew that moving together isn't an option and that he stayed silent when I mentioned he would have needed to pay the difference on the lease. Also, I mentioned that I would not make unnecessary sacrifices. Nothing else was said.

He stormed out of my car and ( this is why I feel like the a**hole here) started walking with his hand in his pocket and a weak smirk. I had to drive slowly next to him to convince him to get back inside the car because I hate Dr. David Banner scenes. He looked like a kicked puppy.

After I dropped him off, he has been sending me texts about being disconnected from what a blended family actually is, showing that I think his daughter is inferior, being a h**ocrite, and bullying. This has disturbed my inner peace because I'm just defending whatever legacy I have built, and having to do it against my partner just doesn't feel right.

We talked about it, and he apologized, and I did the same in case I was too harsh. He said we could find some middle ground, and I was open to it. When he talked about helping him create a business for his daughter, I began to get angry because, again, it would be sweat equity for me.

I declined because I did all the sweating I had to, but it was for me, and what he's asking just isn't fair. It's a responsibility, and I truly like to do things appropriately. I don't want to say yes and do it half ass and I don't want to work for free. I also don't want to mix anything between business and pleasure because it's my network, and my contacts and again, it could go very nice and well or it could be a shitshow and I don't want that.

I'm also concerned that he will ramp up and keep asking and asking for things. He said that if I don't help, he will feel like we will never build anything together. I said he needed to hire a consultant, but he stayed quiet, so I told him that he shouldn't place the responsibility of his present situation on me.

He said that I'm probably blinded by my success, but that one day, I'll wake up single and lonely. I asked if he was threatening to leave me, and he said I'm not acting like a helpful partner. I asked for a break, and he freaked out. I'm just trying to keep my mental health in check because his constant asking and jokes have made me anxious. Also, I'm very angry and thinking that he just wants a handout.

I texted him this morning asking to talk. I want to break up. He said he hopes I'm not planning on dumping him because it would mean that I just tricked him into a break. He posted something about his own mental health today. AITA for deciding to end things? We haven't talked yet but that's my intention. I don't see his kid as inferior at all. I just want to keep my money out of it.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Navigating a partner’s expectations about money can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. In this case, the woman’s boyfriend seems to see her success as a family ATM, particularly for his daughter. Her unease is palpable—she’s protective of her kids’ future, not out of greed, but love. His push for her to treat his daughter as an “heiress” raises red flags, suggesting mismatched values in their relationship.

This isn’t just about one couple. Financial boundaries in blended families are a common hurdle. According to a 2023 study by the Pew Research Center, 40% of U.S. adults in blended families report tension over money (https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/). Her story mirrors a broader issue: how do you balance generosity with self-preservation? It’s tricky when one partner assumes entitlement to the other’s resources without mutual commitment.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “Trust is built in very small moments” (https://www.gottman.com/blog/). Here, the boyfriend’s “jokes” erode trust, framing her wealth as a shared prize. Gottman’s lens suggests her discomfort stems from these micro-betrayals, where her boundaries are ignored. His reaction—defensive, then accusatory—hints at guilt rather than partnership, pushing her to question the relationship’s foundation.

For her, clarity is key. Setting firm boundaries, like declining business ventures, protects her mental health. Readers might consider open dialogue, perhaps with a counselor, to align expectations. But if his demands persist, stepping back—like she’s contemplating—may be wisest. What’s your take on balancing love and legacy? Share below!

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, serving up spicy takes with a side of humor. Here’s what they had to say:

GrrrYouBeast − NTA. I'm not saying he's a gold digger, but if the shoe fits...

No_Cockroach4248 − NTA, you are not married, you are not engaged, you are not living together but he thinks it is time for you to add his daughter to your will. He is taking advantage of you

SuperColossl − Run quick or be taken advantage of!. NTA

SummerTimeRedSea − I feel like he's trying to get me to take from my kids to give to her. NTA It's not a feeling it's a fact. What did he plan to give to your children ? Nothing, oh how surprising... this man has nothing and does not want to work he wants to take what you've built because it's easier and less effort for him.

FatFats666 − NTA but you need to cut him off completely. He's using you for what you can do for him & his daughter .

HAL_9000_V2 − While you’re upgrading your job qualifications and finances and housing, you should upgrade to a bf who will be an actual partner to you.

AngelIslington − NTA. Also he's your boyfriend, not your husband, and he sounds like a leech. better to be single, living your best life then being suck with a gold digging leech angel, for your own sake, break up with him. the fact he's casuing you anxiety is not healthy to you. get rid of him and build your future for you and your boys

Bitchee62 − Is anyone else getting the feeling that this guy is looking for a sugar momma, bang maid and someone to completely build his daughter a business? He also gives off hobo s**ual vibes with the hints to move into the more expensive bigger place that’s quite a bit more inconvenient for OP but perfect for him and his daughter?

Interesting_Ad1378 − Blended family? You’re not married.  Run girl, run!!!!!

reddt_stories − Bro I didn’t even read through it but just by the title no you are NTA. It’s your stuff he can’t tell u what to do with it, and your kids are your priority, do not take form them to give to another, you can even it out among them but only if he’s willing to do the same to your kids.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they nail the full picture? Or are they just cheering for drama?

This woman’s saga leaves us pondering loyalty, love, and the cost of ambition. She’s not just guarding her bank account—she’s shielding her kids’ dreams and her own peace. Whether she ends things or not, her story screams one truth: boundaries matter. What would you do if your partner saw your success as their ticket? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this tangle of heart and hustle together!

For those who want to read the sequel: UPDATE: AITA for planning on ending our relationship because he acts like his daugher is ‘heiress’ to my things?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

One Comment

  1. Pingback: UPDATE: AITA for planning on ending our relationship because he acts like his daugher is 'heiress' to my things? - Movies & TV update: News, Reviews and Trending