AITA for giving my wedding guests a dress code?

The air buzzed with anticipation as Emily, a 29-year-old bookworm with a penchant for dragons and knights, planned her dream wedding. She and her fiancé, Tom, both die-hard fantasy nerds, envisioned a renaissance faire-inspired celebration, complete with flower crowns and flowing linens. Their love story began amidst the clatter of a ren faire’s bustling stalls, so weaving that magic into their big day felt like destiny. Yet, whispers of “bridezilla” began to ripple through their guest list, threatening to unravel their whimsical plans.

What started as a heartfelt request for guests to don budget-friendly, themed attire—like a floral dress or a simple belt—morphed into a battleground of opinions. Emily’s inbox pinged with complaints, and family tensions flared, leaving her questioning her choices. The hurt stung deeply; she’d poured her soul into making the day inclusive and fun. Could a dress code really tear apart her fairy-tale moment?

‘AITA for giving my wedding guests a dress code?’

I (F29) am getting married to my partner (M30) and we have planned a fantasy/renaissance themed wedding. We are massive fandom nerds, books, video games, movies, comics etc and actually met at a ren faire and wanted that to be part of our wedding.. We discussed it with our close friends and everyone thought it was a great idea.

So we sent out the invitations plus an attached letter that explained why we wanted to have a themed wedding and examples of the type of things we wanted people to wear (just google ren faire if you want to see). We included photos, descriptions, budget categories that went from how to DIY a costume using old/thrifted clothes to just straight out buying something online.

We also asked people to reach out if they had any worries so we could work something out. I have received a few messages from my closer friends saying they've heard other people, including some me and my partners family members calling me a bride-zilla. Saying we are being unreasonable, that this is ridiculous, that they don't want to go if I'm going to get all up in arms over clothing.

My soon to be MIL (F59) and SIL (F26) is especially pissed. I reached out to them after their names were mentioned and they said I am ruining what is supposed to be happy day by demanding people dress up like idiots. They said everyone should be allowed to dress in what makes them feel comfortable and I am being very controlling. My partner says not to listen to them but there are so many people saying it.

I'm feeling pretty hurt by all this. I assumed people would react like this if I said everyone needed to go out and spend hundreds on costumes, but we went out of our way to include pictures and suggest as many very low budget options as possible. I honestly didn't think it was a big deal, but now I am having second thoughts about the whole themed wedding idea.. Am I the a**hole?

Planning a themed wedding can feel like casting a spell to bring a dream to life, but Emily’s story shows how quickly magic can spark debate. Her request for ren faire attire, though creative, has left some guests feeling cornered. The clash pits personal expression against guest comfort, with both sides digging in. Emily wants her day to reflect her identity, while critics argue they shouldn’t be forced to play dress-up.

This tension isn’t unique. Wedding planner Amy Nichols notes in a Brides article, “A dress code can enhance the vibe, but flexibility prevents resentment” (source: brides.com). Nichols emphasizes balancing vision with inclusivity—Emily’s low-budget options were a step in the right direction, but mandating participation risks alienating loved ones. Her future mother-in-law and sister-in-law, for instance, feel the theme overrides their comfort, while Emily sees it as a small ask for a special day.

Broadening the lens, a 2023 survey by The Knot found 68% of couples set some form of dress code, but only 12% required themed attire (source: theknot.com). Strict rules can make guests feel like props rather than participants. Emily’s situation highlights a social tug-of-war: how much should hosts expect from guests celebrating their milestone?

For Emily, a compromise could work wonders. Nichols suggests offering optional dress codes with fun incentives, like providing capes or crowns at the venue. This keeps the theme alive without pressure. Emily might also clarify her flexibility—perhaps reassuring guests that a simple dress or shirt fits the vibe. Readers, what do you think—how would you bridge this gap?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit peanut gallery didn’t disappoint, tossing out opinions like confetti at a ren faire joust. From die-hard supporters ready to don a flower crown to skeptics grumbling about costume mandates, the comments painted a colorful tapestry of perspectives. Here’s a dive into the digital tavern where Emily’s wedding dress code got roasted, toasted, and everything in between:

MindingUrBusiness17 − NTA.. People give dress codes for weddings all the time. Yes, it's strange to people not of the community. I am not into dressing up or

Did I want to wear a costume to a wedding? No. Did I? Yes. Unless someone expects me to drop hundreds of dollars for a 1 time outfit, I'm doing my best to support their dream day. I think all weddings can be a stupid waste of money so I say make it what you want. It sounds fun.

Internal_Progress404 − Themed weddings like that are fine as long as it optional.  Most of those people will never wear that outfit again; it's great that you're including low budget options, but thrifty and making a costume takes time, and either the time or the cost is asking a lot. You can have the wedding themed as you want but have it optional for people to come in costume. Soft YTA for making your guests uncomfortable. 

drivingthrowaway − YTA. But deleting the overly-demanding dress code doesn't mean you can't have a themed wedding. Remember, the \*ren faire\* doesn't have a dress code. People can wear full regalia, modern clothes, or Star Trek uniforms. It's still on theme, and it's still fun.

1. Send a follow up invite clarifying that dressing up is encouraged, but not at all required, and that everyone can of course wear semi-formal/garden party/whatever is appropriate for the time of day/venue.

2. Have a big wedding party and ask them to go all out. They can be the equivalent of the renfaire performers as opposed to the patrons (your guests are the patrons and they get to wear what they want). That way you can have a decent number of people fulfilling the theme.

3. Provide a rack of capes, hats, flower crowns, fairy wings, etc that guests can grab as they arrive if they want to get in on the fun. Flower crowns are an especially good idea as they'll go with normal dresses and won't make people feel too silly.

BelliAmie − Nta. Look, going to an Indian wedding requires 4-5 outfits. Doing one for a fun theme is totally not asking too much!. I would love to attend a wedding like yours!. It sounds like a joyous celebration!

anjelrocker − NTA. Wow, there's some debbie downers in these comments. Like, all they are asking is for people to wear more cottage core clothes. Like, it's not even hard and you can get something similiar. Jeez.

LadyCass79 − Mild YTA. Have your wedding party stick to your theme. Invite your guests to participate if they desire to. Otherwise, standard wedding guest attire also allowed. It's much more reasonable and allows guests to use dressy clothing they already own if needed.

Guests are often already shelling out money on a gift. Having to purchase specialized clothing that you have no use for if you aren't into it is unattractive. I say this as a geek who did a gaming themed wedding.

Hungry-Industry-9817 − NTA themed weddings are fun. You gave them budget friendly options. I have seen many of these themed type weddings and they are really fun. It is only for one day, not sure why they can’t go with the flow.. They have the option of not going.

fishmom5 − Honestly, I am a giant nerd like you, OP, and I am sorry to say YTA. A faire themed wedding sounds amazing, but dressing up should be *optional*. It sounds like your families are normies and are uncomfortable with the idea. You don’t want your guests put out- I’m assuming you’re inviting them because you want to continue to have a relationship.

Honestly, it’s an easy fix. Send an email and clarify that the dress code is optional, but you’d love to see everyone in their dorky finest. The people who would have fun with that will do so, and the rest can tolerate a bunch of nerds for a few hours.

Careless-Ability-748 − Nah it is your wedding, so my default is it's your decision. Personally, I would not attend. I'm not interested in diying a costume, especially since I'm never going to wear it again, and I would be completely uncomfortable in those clothes at the wedding. That's all way too much work. 

AdFinancial8924 − Soft YTA because it depends on how strict you’re going to be with it. I really don’t have time to go shopping for a special outfit if I’m a regular guest at a wedding, but i think it’s okay to have a theme and let guests know.

For example, you wouldn’t want people showing up in sequined cocktail dresses and that’s okay. But, could I possibly just wear a regular floral dress if that’s what I have? It sort of fits your theme, but not on your list.

Emily’s wedding saga reminds us that love and logistics don’t always waltz in perfect harmony. Her heart was in the right place, aiming to share her passion with those she cherishes. Yet, the pushback shows how even well-meaning plans can hit a nerve. Striking a balance—keeping the ren faire flair while letting guests breathe—might just save the day. What would you do if you were in Emily’s shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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