AITA for Cutting Ties After My Boyfriend’s Friends Turned on Me?

Jonathan Hours
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A lively dinner buzzed with chatter, but for one woman, the night soured like wine left uncorked. Sitting among her boyfriend’s tight-knit crew, she braced for their usual sharp-edged banter, hoping to blend in for love’s sake. Yet, the “jokes” cut deeper than expected—barbs about her worth, her quiet nature, and even her boyfriend’s ex flung across the table like darts. Each laugh stung, and her boyfriend’s silence hurt worse.

Now, she’s stepped back from his friends, unwilling to grin through their mockery, but her choice has sparked tension at home. Was she right to draw a line, or should she have shrugged it off to keep the peace? Her story unfolds a tangle of loyalty, respect, and the courage to stand up when “just joking” feels more like just cruel. Let’s dive into her tale.

‘AITA for Cutting Ties After My Boyfriend’s Friends Turned on Me?’

My (27F) boyfriend (29M) and I have been dating for about a yearThings have been mostly great between us, but his group of friends has always been a bit much. They’re the type of people who love teasing each other, but sometimes their jokes feel more like thinly veiled insults. I’ve tried to get along with them for his sake, but its been a challenge.

A few weeks ago, we all went out for dinner. Everything was fine at first, but then the “jokes” started. One of his friends, Jake (31M), commented on how I “must’ve really lowered my standards” to date my boyfriend. They laughed, including my boyfriend.

I laughed too, but it felt awkward. Sarah (jakes girfriend) (28F), said something like “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be so quiet. Are we too intimidating to you?” and they laughed, and I tried to play it off again, we finished dinner and jake asks us to have a drink with them, even tho I didnt wanna go but I did anyway.

Well we arrived at jakes place, sat down they got the drinks he put on some tv, everything was goign well, until I guess mr jake started to feel bored again, bro pulled out his phone and started showing sone old photos of my boyfriend with his ex.

He kept making comments like, “Ma, she should have been here too, it would atleast be fun.” Sarah trying to do her best, says “Yeah why would u guys breakup. What happened?” (at some point i was thinking they were doing it onpurpose to make me mad) but my boyfriend just shrugged it off, saying, “They’re just joking. Don’t take it personally.”

At this point, I decided to excuse myself and head home. My boyfriend stayed behind, saying he didnt want to “make a scene” The next day I told him how uncomfortable I felt and asked why he didnt stand up for me. He said, “That’s just how they are. You need to toughen up” When I suggested that maybe we spend less time with them he got defensive, saying theyre like family to him and I should “try harder to fit in”.

Since then, Ive been keeping my distance from his friends, which has caused tension between us. He says I’m overreacting and being dramatic but I feel like he’s not respecting my feelings. His friends have even sent me texts like, “Sorry you can’t take a joke” and “Guess were too real for you.” Now Im wondering if  ITAH for cutting ties with his friends? Should I have just sucked it up for the sake of the relationship, or was I right to set boundaries?

Navigating a partner’s friend group can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield of inside jokes and unwritten rules. For this woman, the bombs went off when her boyfriend’s pals turned their “humor” on her, leaving her humiliated and him unmoved. Let’s unpack this mess with a clear lens.

First, the dynamic here screams imbalance. The friends’ jabs—calling her choice in men a downgrade or digging up her boyfriend’s ex—weren’t playful; they were power plays. She tried to laugh along, but their persistence, paired with patronizing texts like “Guess we’re too real for you,” shows a lack of respect. Her boyfriend’s refusal to intervene, dismissing her hurt as oversensitivity, tilts the scales further. He’s prioritizing his “family” over her dignity, which signals a deeper loyalty split. Their actions aren’t just teasing; they’re testing her place in his world.

This situation reflects a broader issue: how group dynamics can strain romantic relationships. A 2021 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 68% of couples face tension when one partner feels excluded by the other’s friends. Teasing, when unchecked, can erode trust, especially if it targets insecurities. Here, the friends’ behavior feels like gatekeeping, challenging her to “prove” she belongs.

Relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman, known for his work on couple dynamics, offers insight: “Defending your partner in public, even against friends, builds a foundation of trust. Failing to do so can make them feel abandoned.” His perspective cuts to the core—her boyfriend’s inaction left her exposed, amplifying her sense of betrayal. Gottman’s research suggests that couples thrive when partners act as a united front, something missing here.

So, what’s the fix? She’s already set a boundary by stepping back, which is a bold start. Moving forward, she could calmly explain to her boyfriend how his dismissal undermines their bond, using “I feel” statements to avoid blame. If his friends are truly “family,” he needs to set ground rules with them—no targeting her, no ex-talk.

Couples counseling could help them align priorities, especially if he’s stuck in their orbit. For broader advice, sites like Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com) offer tips on handling partner-friend conflicts. Ultimately, she deserves a partner who’ll shield her from harm, not wave it off. Readers, what do you think—how can she balance love and self-respect here?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Well, Reddit didn’t hold back on this one! The crowd weighed in with some spicy takes, dishing out advice and shade in equal measure. Here’s what they had to say about her boundary-setting saga. These are the hot opinions from Reddit, but do they nail the truth? Or are they just firing from the hip? Let’s see what wisdom—or chaos—the crowd brings to the table.

AdAccomplished6870 −  ‘You can’t take a joke’, ‘that’s just how they are’ and ‘We just keep it real’ are all very reliable signs for identifying toxic personalities. Your boyfriend will likely realize that this friends are immature and destructive. He will realize that after you leave him. But first he will blame you.

I have friends and family with very cutting sense’s of humor. But we would never, ever insult someone who did not know well. And we have learned (often times through hurt feelings and hard conversations) where the line is drawn, and what topics are off limits. Jake and his friends sound awful. Time to cut and run.

AcrobaticReference20 −  Not liking his friends is one thing, they sound like assholes. Those patronising fake apology texts would make me want to never see them again. If they really are like family to him, you may not be able to avoid them. But your boyfriend dismissing your feelings, regardless of who is in the wrong, is a huge red flag. NTA.

Chance_Culture_441 −  You’re NTA for cutting ties with his friends, but you are AH for not cutting ties with your so called bf too! That man does not love, respect or support you if he allows his ‘family’ to make jokes at your expense. His friends are huge AHs, but he is the biggest one of all.

Traditional-Fruit585 −  NTA The fact that he did not come home with you says a lot. Did you have to take an Uber? I would find another relationship. I’m 58 now, but I used to run with a very hard crowd. Disrespecting a friend‘s girlfriend wasn’t done. Find a different crowd. You don’t want to be the type to try to get your boyfriend to leave his friends for you.

He had the opportunity to stand up for you and rein them in, unless he is not at the top of the pecking order. I would also not want to hang out with them. You would know what a sincere apology is, and you clearly did not get that. Are you going to live your life being that person that’s going to get pushed around for the sake of some guy? By the way, you can leave without making a scene. They’ll get it and that s**t would stop.

By the way, another thing is, you could answer that other girl that yes it is too much for you, you don’t take that s**t, you don’t like that s**t, and maybe you don’t like any of them. Then you look at your guy and say and maybe you’re just not the right one for me if these kind of people are your friends.. Edited: forgot to put NTA.

Sensitive-Ad-5406 −  Being single is better than being with a spineless twatwaffle. Just saying.

Hollymarie- −  NTA. His friends sound like they’re auditioning for “Mean Girls: The Adult Edition,” and your boyfriend is enabling it. Jokes are supposed to be funny, not thinly veiled insults designed to make you uncomfortable. And the ex thing? That’s not a joke—that’s straight-up disrespect.

Your boyfriend telling you to “toughen up” is just code for “I don’t want to confront my friends.” Boundaries aren’t dramatic; they’re basic self-respect. If he can’t see how his friends’ behavior is affecting you, maybe he’s the one who needs to toughen up and stand by you. Cutting ties with people who make you feel bad isn’t dramatic—it’s self-care. Keep those boundaries strong, queen.

MadeInsane14 −  I’d tell Sarah the next time she mentions how you two can be together “well I don’t have to wonder why you are Jake are together. You’re a match made in heaven. You’re both assholes.”. And after that mic drop, I’d tell your boyfriend you actually don’t know why you two are still together and now you aren’t. Hurray, happy ending!!

No-Homework7700 −  Your boyfriend either a doormat or never going to defend you or stand for you in any situation. Not with friends, not with family probably nor with strangers. Also, not seeing how these comments are highly inappropriate could be a deeper issue. This might be also low empathy too. Usually these qualities never change especially if he is just dismissive instead of actually try to understand you. Are you sure this is the type of person you want to committed to?

writing_mm_romance −  The friends aren’t the problem, your boyfriend is. He’s allowing them to treat you disrespectfully and he knows what they’re doing is wrong. As soon as those pictures with his ex came out, he should have said “Ok guys, that’s enough. I think we’re going to head out.” Instead, he allowed it to continue to the point you were uncomfortable and left on your own while he stayed behind. He’s showing you how he’ll show up for you, and that’s not at all. Bounce before you become further attached, because he’s never going to stand up for your relationship.

synnodic −  Absolutely NTA. My household (5 of us) all have viciously cutting senses of humor — my sister is the queen of comebacks and she’s so quick with them sometimes it takes my breath away (positive). But we never, ever, EVER cross certain lines that we know make each other upset, we know how to read each other and the friends we tease like this well enough to judge if we need to stop or leave something alone, and it’s never aimed at someone we don’t know well.

If we think someone might have a similar humor we may test ‘gentle’ jokes on what’s happening around us but never the new person, always the place/situation we’re in or ourselves. That’s the main thing. A huge part of being snarky-funny is that you mock yourself (not to the point of like, taking yourself to the landfill, but you can put yourself in the trash if that makes sense.

In the end, this woman’s stand against her boyfriend’s friends wasn’t just about dodging bad jokes—it was about claiming her worth in a relationship that’s starting to wobble. Choosing boundaries over forced smiles takes guts, especially when love’s on the line. But with her boyfriend caught between her and his “family,” the real question is whether he’ll step up or keep sidestepping.

Her story reminds us that respect isn’t negotiable, no matter how tight the crew. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Have you ever had to draw a line with a partner’s pals? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the convo rolling!

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